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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

I don't want my dog

239 replies

Notthisdog · 26/01/2016 14:22

DP gave me a dog as a surprise birthday present in October. I've tried my best to love him and train him but there's always a nagging thought in the back of my mind that I don't really want him and I'm not sure what to do.

He is a good dog but he is not what I would have chosen for myself, the breed and gender are wrong for me.
The problem is, I would like a dog but just not him.

What do I do? The way I see it I've got 2 options. I can swallow my pride and admit it out loud, find him a new home and find a dog I would like in replacement.

Or I can carry on for another 15 years pretending to love him but really I'm only tolerating him.

Please don't judge me too harshly.

OP posts:
WalkingBlind · 27/01/2016 09:44

The point is she didn't pick it. She didn't get any say in the matter at all then tried to do the right thing.

God forbid it gets rehomed to someone who will adore it and have an unbelievable bond. I don't feel bad for this dog at all. Even if rehomed OP is clearly responsible enough to make a great choice of new owner and has the dog's best interests at heart.

Owllady · 27/01/2016 09:44

I think people who think others are being harsh maybe don't understand how many healthy dogs are put down in pounds and shelters every day and how full to the brim rescues are.

Strangeoccurence · 27/01/2016 09:53

OP has not said she is going to rehome him. She is expressing her sadness at the fact she did not get a say in the dog. The fact it was a gift has obviously made her feel guilty and more upset. To top it off, she lost her previous dog and possibly hasnt got over that. My friend lost her dog, she wants the same breed when she is ready to get another. Now OP has been gifted a dog, she has found herself in a position of either keeping this dog and adding the kind she wants at a later date, or rehoming this one and get the one she wants when ready.

Her OH has been completely stupid and unfair. The OP should not be getting a bashing for this. She has came across as very sensible about it all.

tabulahrasa · 27/01/2016 09:57

"OP has not said she is going to rehome him."

No but plenty of other people have suggested it as if it's of no consequence to a dog to be rehomed after months of living with a family.

Tweetypie100 · 27/01/2016 09:57

That's fine OP! You can't be made to love something or someone, just make sure it's next home is responsible and loving SmileSmile

Shriek · 27/01/2016 09:59

you're talking to the wrong person owllady and tabularasa and others. OP IS and HAS been trying to take responsibility, but being forced to take on an animal is wrong and not healthy for either. I was forced into taking on an animal too and it is absolutely vile, the animal and encumbent deserve better, and there are fab homes out there. the problems of animal pounds and the like don't come from responsible owners like her, they come from irresponsible idiots that use unwitting animals as 'gifts', and those that have no idea what they are taking on and do not bother to research and don't take commitment to animals seriously (then there are also real tragedies in peoples' lives that cannot be avoided)

WalkingBlind · 27/01/2016 10:06

owllady We all understand. We also can read and see that OP has zero intention of using a shelter or simply "giving up" the dog and is responsible enough to find the perfect home that's out there waiting for them.

I volunteer at a shelter and honestly we would never force a dog on someone when there was no bond.

SoupDragon · 27/01/2016 10:06

This thread has completely vindicated my decision to hide the dog house topic and why I never ever would post about my problems with SoupDoggyDogg. I only saw it because I was logged out.

Utterly vile, although somewhat redeemed by sensible posters later on.

BertrandRussell · 27/01/2016 10:07

"I think people who think others are being harsh maybe don't understand how many healthy dogs are put down in pounds and shelters every day and how full to the brim rescues are."

Because of course the OP has said several times that she is planning on tying the dog up outside the council pound at dead of night and running away........Hmm

mollie123 · 27/01/2016 10:08

just to say - the dog will adapt when it is rehomed particularly if it is still young - so long as the puppy is loved and looked after, he/she will form a bond with their owner. - does this not work for other rescue dogs who end up as happy as larry in a new home.

tabulahrasa · 27/01/2016 11:01

Mollie - I've had dogs take a year, even at that age to settle down securely in a new home.

IMO, it's not something you should do lightly without actually working out if it really is for the best.

Obviously I have no idea whether the OP is going to do that or not, but it's the amount of people going, yeah it'll be better off, that's making me go, hang on, what if she just needs to vent a bit and work out if actually she can love the dog fine once she's done that?

She might have wanted a family pet and ended up with a husky and yeah that could be a huge issue, but equally it might just be that puppies that age are still blooming hard work and she's feeling it worse because it was landed on her, but actually it could work out ok.

doceodocere · 27/01/2016 11:48

t's not your fault, OP. I feel like this about my toddler quite often and that one is my fault so really, you've done nothing wrong by admitting to feeling this way.

This made me snort tea out of my nose. GrinGrinGrin

AnUtterIdiot · 27/01/2016 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chelseabuns2013 · 27/01/2016 14:09

I'm curious about the breed?

Owllady · 27/01/2016 14:11

I always snigger when people quote your posts and then do a teenage remark and a hmm face
What is the point of it? :o how are you supposed to respond? Am I supposed to say
And yeah but no, or something equally silly? Or do I go into mum of teenagers mode and shut you down? :o

wannaBe · 27/01/2016 14:20

The key here isn't so much that the OP doesn't want this particular dog, but that she had considered rehoming it and then getting one which suits her specifications.

Fwiw I don't agree with sending a dog off to a rescue because it doesn't suit one's requirements, the dog should have been returned to wherever it came from on the night it was presented to the op.

But it's also disingenuous to suggest that rehoming a dog is always traumatic. It isn't. A dog taken from one loving home where it is being cared for and put into another will adapt pretty quickly. Most dogs which are in rescues have been mistreated and traumatised, or badly socialised, and as a result of course they will take time to adapt to a new situation. But in this instance the dog is being cared for. It's not the same.

I have a guide dog. guide dogs have a home with a puppy walker for their first year then they go on to initial training for three months or so where they are homed with a boarder, then advanced training where they are homed with another boarder. And only between the age of 18/24 months do they get their forever home with a guide dog owner. They're not traumatised by the experiences and adapt pretty quickly. It's not dissimilar to someone taking a dog from one loving home into another....

BertrandRussell · 27/01/2016 14:22

I always snigger when people post irrelevancies that show they haven't read the thread...........

ellasmummy89 · 27/01/2016 14:22

As someone who is involved with a dog rescue - which often picks up messes like these - this makes me angry. To be honest, I am more angry at your partner who seemed to think giving a dog as a gift was perfectly acceptable. Did you know that dogs can sense whether your love them or not? So either way, this is a lose lose situation for that poor dog. He'll either be aware that you don't love him and live like that, or he will have his world turned upside down being moved. Bouncing from home to home is seriously detrimental to dogs. Maybe if your partner had at least a small amount of common sense, this could have been avoided. Dogs are living, breathing creatures. They're not something to toss away like a piece of rubbish.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/01/2016 14:23

if this is the same poster alot of people agreed that the breed was a completely nuts choice. and the op said she was taking mot of alot of advice and was certainly setting out to do the best she could and had determination to be the best owner

if it is the same one I guess they were right and it was more hard work than they anticipated despite warnings.

stupid stupid breeder handing over when half teh family hadn't met them.

and stupid stupid "d" h.

poor dog

Shriek · 27/01/2016 14:31

Its clearly a bad do, to rehome a ddog without good cause, but done right, especially in the dpup in training/guide ddog situ, it can work very well.

Its not necessarily true that these ddogs are all 'messes', but clearly there isn't the bond but she's been trying to do her best by the ddog.

Where is DP in all this? Is he taking responsibility for any of this at all and making equal or greater efforts to get this ddog back to the breeder or ask their advice on how to find best home for it. Breeder will know of others that could take this ddog on, and most breeders (not the byb type) will want first option on the ddog to have it back, or at least to help rehome it.

Thats assuming this has not been done already?

donadumaurier · 27/01/2016 14:34

I volunteer at a rescue centre. We do not take in dogs whose owners just decide they can't keep them, for whatever reason. We have that policy to ensure our kennels are free for dogs in genuine need, strays, abuse cases etc. This is quite common for rescue centres nowadays. You will really, really struggle to find a centre to take him for the reasons you've given.

fabrica · 27/01/2016 14:35

For god's sake give the poor dog to someone who deserves him. You clearly don't.

Titsalinabumsquash · 27/01/2016 14:35

I had someone (bizarre relationship/non relationship thing we had) he knocked on my door and handed me a big fluffy German Shepard puppy and then said "you're welcome!" And left. Shock

I tried so hard with him, I wasn't expecting a puppy and I was looking after 2 children, (1 disabled) and was undergoing long, gruelling surgery and recovery.
Anyway, I had to rehome the dog, I just couldn't train him and walk him and have him bouncing all over my wounds.
I was livid that someone had bought me a puppy without even hinting about it and then dumped him on me and left.
I had to go through the process of visiting homes of people wanting him, it was tough and it's put me off getting a dog in the future.

specialsubject · 27/01/2016 14:36

the child analogy obviously doesn't make sense. Dogs are not 'fur babies'.

the fool is the person who gives an animal as a present. Does this person also walk it, brush it, clear up the endless excreta, pay the vet bills etc etc ?

donadumaurier · 27/01/2016 14:36

And if you do get another dog, for goodness sake adopt it from a shelter.