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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

I don't want my dog

239 replies

Notthisdog · 26/01/2016 14:22

DP gave me a dog as a surprise birthday present in October. I've tried my best to love him and train him but there's always a nagging thought in the back of my mind that I don't really want him and I'm not sure what to do.

He is a good dog but he is not what I would have chosen for myself, the breed and gender are wrong for me.
The problem is, I would like a dog but just not him.

What do I do? The way I see it I've got 2 options. I can swallow my pride and admit it out loud, find him a new home and find a dog I would like in replacement.

Or I can carry on for another 15 years pretending to love him but really I'm only tolerating him.

Please don't judge me too harshly.

OP posts:
MrsJorahMormont · 27/01/2016 00:07

There are some fucking nutcases on this thread Hmm

Anyway, OP, I think you've been given a hard time. Your DP was an idiot giving a random dog when you had specific preferences. It's a pity you didn't return the dog at the time but if you haven't bonded with him yet, I think you're unlikely to. If you can find a good home for him, where he will really belong, then actually I think you owe it to him to let him go somewhere he'll be loved. You owe it to yourself too. Dogs are such a huge commitment but the reward is the mutual love. If you're not feeling the love, then let him go to someone who will.

lostinmiddlemarch · 27/01/2016 00:12

This is why dogs shouldn't be surprises. The time and the breed does matter.

We made a mistake with our second dog. Wrong breed, bad fit. Realised within a fortnight. Returned to breeder. (Would never have abandoned, obviously). We got it right the next time. It happens. Your dh's fault really.

People say you need to choose the breed carefully for a reason. It makes a huge difference to have a breed of dog that you can look after happily and well.

timelytess · 27/01/2016 00:18

OP, there's no shame in not wanting a dog that was a surprise present. Rehome the dog.
Doing that won't make you unfit to ever have another dog.

annettre1890 · 27/01/2016 02:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 27/01/2016 03:04

I don't see why not wanting a particular dog means a person is not a suitable owner for the right dog. If this were true, why would rescues specify types of owners for their dogs? There has to be a fit and a bond, and not having this with an inappropriate dog says nothing about how the right dog would fit into the op's life and heart.

Rehome so that the dog gets to be truly loved and appreciated, and get yourself a dog that you will truly love and appreciate.

Pets make terrible presents, this is partner's fault. And comparing dogs with children is... silly.

WalkingBlind · 27/01/2016 06:17

Haven't read the last 6 pages but I'm totally against the grain after reading the first one! If you don't bond then that isn't your fault and they can't blame you because you didn't pick him.

If someone bought me a shitzu or similar breed I would wonder what planet they are on and I would rehome to someone who clearly wanted one or preferably return to breeder. I have a big husky cross and we have a lovely bond. I understand you completely OP and I think being a dog lover and caring for their wellbeing doesn't mean you have to want every breed in your home.

Rescues find the right hound for the right house. Why should OP feel guilty for doing what's best for her and the dog Confused

WalkingBlind · 27/01/2016 06:23

Faith restored after reading the reasonable posts on page 6! lostinmiddle the same thing happened to us with our second dog and she now has an incredible life as a working dog and we're still sent updates and she is amazingly happy Grin She was "just" a pet at ours and it wasn't the right fit for her or us, 100% know we made the right choice

BertrandRussell · 27/01/2016 06:54

There's a special kind of bonkers on dog threads..........

WalkingBlind · 27/01/2016 07:04

Bert I've met some totally barmy dog people in real life due to volunteering to walk rescue dogs. Sometimes I wonder if they sit on MN all night Grin

diggerdigsdogs · 27/01/2016 07:07

Bloody hell. MN at its most bonkers.

OP, rehome the dog, when you're ready get one that suits your lifestyle.

It is literally nuts to say that the breed doesn't matter. Diggerdog is a GSP. He is perfect for us but would be the worst dog in the world my mum who wants a good walker who can curl up on her lap at the end of the day. It's a fucking dog, not a newborn she's asking to give back cos it's the wrong gender. Hmm

BertrandRussell · 27/01/2016 07:30

One of my best friends is a bonkers dog lady in RL. She has 10.

OhShutUpThomas · 27/01/2016 07:39

Some really harsh replies here.

I take it your all be thrilled if I sent you a wolfhound or something for christmas?

OP, if you want to rehome the dog, then do. Just take your time and find a nice home through word of mouth. Don't advertise on Facebook etc.

Then get a dog of the breed and sex that you want. And tell your husband never to do anything so stupid again.

OhShutUpThomas · 27/01/2016 07:41

Ps I have a collie currently who's 8 months old. I'm not sure he's going to make the grade as a sheepdog. If he doesn't, I'll sell him and get another, lovely as he is, as we only keep dogs who work.

It happens all the time. Rehoming a dog is not a crime.

tabulahrasa · 27/01/2016 07:53

"I take it your all be thrilled if I sent you a wolfhound or something for christmas?"

I wouldn't wait till it was 6 months old and had settled in and bonded with us before deciding it was going to be too big...

That's why I'm asking what the issue with the breed is.

merrymouse · 27/01/2016 07:54

Thinking of the dogs I know, there is a huge difference between e.g. the working collies, the cocker spaniels and the little terriers. All pretty standard types of dog, but they aren't interchangeable.

mollie123 · 27/01/2016 08:05

OP you are having a hard time - unjustifiably
I too have seen the effect qhwew a dog was given as a puppy for a gift and never suited the recipient or vice versa and should have been returned immediately
as a confession I took on a dog (my choice) from a private rescue situation without having seen the 4 year old dog other than a picture and description but he was a lurcher as was my previous dog so I loved the breed/mongrel and it was my decision - 15 years is a long time to be with a dog you do not love unreservedly
I have to say if someone presented me with a yappy small dog because he/she looked cute and cuddly I would have returned immediately - not all dog/owner partnerships are a match.

WalkingBlind · 27/01/2016 08:09

I assume OP was hoping her feelings would change? The dog would grow on her or fit in somehow after some time? She probably felt extremely guilty due to reactions like on this thread as well as feeling ungrateful towards her (silly) DP.

I had some similar guilt emotions and they only got worse with time not better but unfortunately this is learned the hard way.

doceodocere · 27/01/2016 08:25

You're getting a predictably large amount of shit and judgement here, OP, well done for taking it gracefully.

I'm with those blaming your partner - what the hell was he thinking?! In hindsight, yes you should have sent the dog back straight away, but you didn't so there's no point anyone berating you for it at this stage.

I get the "wrong" breed thing, in that I like dogs generally, but for myself I prefer small dogs, for lots of reasons specific to me. If I was suddenly landed with a large breed by an idiot who hadn't thought it through, I'd be furious and wouldn't want the dog.

But what strikes me is that youre probably not over your old dog. It's hard for a new one to find its place in your heart when you are still mourning a much loved friend. Do keep this in mind.

Good luck with finding the right decision for all of you.

Floralnomad · 27/01/2016 08:29

ohshutupthomas , I'd love you to send me a wolfhound if you pm me I will give you the address .

Shriek · 27/01/2016 09:09

glad to see the thread is now swamped with reasonable rational thinking OP that this whole awful situation wasn't of your own making.

Pipistrella · 27/01/2016 09:23

It's not your fault, OP. I feel like this about my toddler quite often and that one is my fault so really, you've done nothing wrong by admitting to feeling this way.

I hope you can reach a resolution somehow. I've decided I'll start to feel more enthusiastic about ds3 when he stops breaking everything we own and attacking me with wooden poles Smile

LyndaNotLinda · 27/01/2016 09:28

I think the one thing we're all agreed on is that this thread demonstrates why you should never, ever buy an animal for someone else as a surprise.

InspectorMontalbano · 27/01/2016 09:29

Shmoo if that were true why do people generally take so much time & care to pick the right dog for them & their family? Why not just pot luck then?
Ridiculous. I've got a mini poodle bitch who I don't dress up & carry in a handbag (how strange of you to assume the op wants that Confused) we go on forest/muddy walks like any other dog but I could not cope with the hair/massive muddy paws/slobber everywhere that big dogs entail (& I've lived with several as a child). If that makes me not a 'proper' dog lover in your eyes then you need to yank your judgy pants out your arse

Branleuse · 27/01/2016 09:35

i think you are over invested in this thread shmoo.

Someone got a dog as a surprise present. Isnt enjoying it. That doesnt make her a bad person

tabulahrasa · 27/01/2016 09:40

This thread actually makes me quite sad...

If someone posts in here saying they're struggling with puppy regret, they get helpful advice on how to cope with it.

If someone's finding coping with their adolescent dog hard - helpful advice on how to cope with it.

If someone's finding it hard to cope with their dog now they also have a baby - helpful advice on how to cope with it.

But not the breed they'd have picked...yeah get rid of it, because the dog will be way happier being taken from somewhere it's happy and settled than finding out if actually someone could cope with that breed fine with a bit of help.

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