I don't want my dog

[Notthisdog]

DP gave me a dog as a surprise birthday present in October. I've tried my best to love him and train him but there's always a nagging thought in the back of my mind that I don't really want him and I'm not sure what to do.

He is a good dog but he is not what I would have chosen for myself, the breed and gender are wrong for me.
The problem is, I would like a dog but just not him.

What do I do? The way I see it I've got 2 options. I can swallow my pride and admit it out loud, find him a new home and find a dog I would like in replacement.

Or I can carry on for another 15 years pretending to love him but really I'm only tolerating him.

Please don't judge me too harshly.

If my DP turned up with a dog as a present I'd rehome the DP. yes, giving a dog as a (surprise) present is spectacularly idiotic and irresponsible.

However, rehoming a dog which doesn't fit your specifications and then getting one which does is despicable. rehoming is one thing. Rehoming so you can replace is another. A dog isn't a toy which if it doesn't do what you want you get rid of it and get a new one. .

There are certain breeds I wouldn't want to own, so yes, I can see How the breed wouldn't be what you wanted, and herein lies the issue with buying a dog as a present..... However, now that the dog is here you should either keep it and make the best of it, or rehome it but don't get another one to replace it.

I agree that pets shouldn't be presents.......
I do feel for you OP - when we were deciding on a dog, I really let DH make the decision.....because I got exasperated and just went along with him. I would never do that again - and have had strong words with him about it since, so he knows it won't happen in future. In fact I was going to send him back to the breeder in the first week - the only thing that stopped me was the whole family (including DH ) crying......I think a lot of what I felt towards Ddog - resentment if I am honest, was because he was not the dog I wanted and the realisation hit me that I was the one left doing 100% of the work......
So ours is a giant breed - and I now 2 years down the road could not imagine life without him,he is my constant companion and best mate, but it took me along time to even like him ......I liked him, but not as my dog...esp within the first few weeks when in his puppyish enthusiasm he pulled me over and sent me flying on numerous occasions.
So from my experience, what I would say, give it more time , I know you are 3-4 months in....but your kids must be attached? and try and not project the feelings you have about the situation onto the poor dog....who after all, didn't ask your not so dear partner to give him to you for your birthday......

Give him to a loving home so he has a chance to be loved.

It is ridiculous to say "a dog is a dog". My dog became mine through a very complicated route, and if there had been another lovely place to go, then I probably wouldn't have kept her. I am soooooo glad I did, and I adore her. But when she dies I wouldn't get another. And even if I did, not another the same breed.

Rehome but do not get another dog - what if the next one does not live up to your expectations?

A neutered dog will have no testosterone so sex is irrelevant and you arguments for getting rid of this dog are shallow

What a fucking dumbass thing for your DP to do. And you too, I'm afraid Toots.

Without knowing more about the circumstances (was it a puppy? a rescue? from a proper breeder? a puppy farm/BYB?) and the breed, it's very difficult to advise you. I can understand that you would have prefered a bitch (I wanted a bitch rather than a dog, too), and of course the breed makes a difference. People who are saying that a dog is a dog is a dog are just taking the opportunity to put the boot in, I think.

I'm not sure what you want from this thread: if it's absolution, I doubt you'll get it here. If it's a kicking, then you probably will. If it's constructive support and advice, then I think you'll need to give a lot more detail. What is it that you don't like? The mess? The high energy/needs? Typical male dog behaviour like leg cocking and dick licking?

You need to speak up and tell DP how you are feeling. I think this was foolhardy on your his part, this is exactly why animals should not be given as presents, you need to be involved in meeting the dog and making the decision that it is the right animal for you.

Was it a puppy your dh bought? I'm just wondering whether it might be going through the stroppy adolescent stage as I remember Eric was pretty difficult unlikeable and very male at that time. Perhaps you need to sit it out a little bit.
FWIW Eric is neither the breed nor the temperament of my ideal dog either but he's our dog and I love him anyway. Don'tyou think you could grow tolove him?

A few of our dogs we would not have got had we any sense!!! But they came to live with us and we deal with whatever problems come our way. It's certainly not always straightforward, but with perserverance we have a household full of fabulous, noisy hairy beasts. It is a huge step to take another species into your home. It is not very sensible to make a unanimous decision for a family pet. If you can get to training classes or a specific breed club, you may find your feet with this particular dog. If you really can't cope, you should be able to speak to a particular breed rehomer or a reputable rehoming organisation. Please, please not Gumtree, pets4homes, or one of those. You do not know where your dog will end up.

What kind of dog is it? I am asking selfishly as I want a companion for my cocker. I don't want a puppy (would consider older puppy) as I don't want to house train again and I don't want a rescue - too risky.
I'm not judging the op. My cherished parrot died suddenly last year. I'd i was given one I would probably struggle to bond with it I'm still too upset.

OP, I have lots of sons and our first dog was a bitch - felt it would be good for them too to have another female in the house. Have now got a male too, and to be honest our bitch seems just as 'boyish'. Still stacks of mud everywhere, just like our sons! I'm guessing this dog may be too big and be another mud magnet for you to clear up after?

I would give the puppy time. It is amazing how much difference the full year makes - he will be a different dog by next October and a completely different experience. If not, then maybe rehome?

Some of the posts on this thread seem harsh.

A few months ago, I got a call from the breeder on the very day that I was due to pick up our pup. There had been a tragic accident and he was dead. I didn't want my children to know, so took his brother instead, as they looked identical. He isn't the pup I would have chosen; the first one had very much chosen us, whereas this new one did not ... and didn't even like us picking him up! I had my reservations, but took him, as to do anything else would devastate my children. They had waited years for their first dog. Back to present time, and by God, do I adore him! As do my children, and still they are none the wiser. Having always felt a bit ambivalent towards our cat, I worried that I wouldn't take to the new pup quite as well ... or he to us. I have discovered that I am definitely more of a dog person. My point is that this dog would have grown on you by now, if this was the type of animal you were meant to have. Perhaps a dog just isn't on the cards for you, at least not for the moment.

MrsLaughan has hit it on the head, I feel resentment. Not towards the dog, I'm clued up enough to know that if I show him resentment he'll resent me right back. It was a big shock just being lumped with a puppy I had no time to connect or prepare myself for, and totally the opposite to what I wanted.

No chance of DP taking over though as he works a lot and dog views me as his owner now.
Not sure what I want from the thread, probably just to talk about it rather than bottling it up, see what other people have to say. I don't mind getting a flaming I just wish they would read properly instead of assuming he's not cared for.

Thank you for letting me air it. I'm not going to rush in to any decisions so will carry on seeing how I go. I had thought about getting another dog in a year or so, does anyone know if it would be a good idea to add a small bitch with a dog? Or am I a glutton for punishment?

I have an unruly breed of dog and getting a smaller female companion of a far more biddable breed has made him much more manageable.

I'm the opposite of you though. I love my big challenging brute more than the sweet obedient bitch. He's got more character. They are inseparable. I think two dogs could work.

Cauliflower - what dogs do you have? I'm quite keen on a companion for my cocker but wondering if I'm biting off too much?

That's ok Tough, I appreciate your honesty. If I was to rehome it would be straight to someone's home rather than giving him to a rescue centre. Definitely wouldn't go down the route of pets4homes etc. I do care about his welfare and would want the best solution for him.

Clara, we have a girl cocker and we've added a boy who's a pointer cross. He's a big dog, a rescue and a handful, so I'm not recommending him! I'm assuming I'll love him as much one day, but the training isn't going so well at the moment.

My girl cocker loves other spaniels and Labradors. She's also keen on poodles, if that helps....

We wanted a boy as we knew she would be in charge anyway and were advised that a younger boy would be easier....she doesn't mind the pointer, but I think she would have preferred one of the breeds above.

Poor bloody dog. Sorry, you don't deserve ANY dog at all. I don't care if I sound judgmental. Animals aren't disposable, or at least they shouldn't be. What if the next one doesn't live up to your expectations for some reason? Throw that one away too?!

I'm not saying the dog is not fed, watered and walked btw. I'm saying it stinks that you aren't prepared to work with what you have and are keen to get rid and move onto the next one (which, hopefully, will fit!) My friend has two rescues, not chosen; they found him! They may not be the size, breed he would have chosen and he may have to adapt his life around their needs but he would not swap them for the world. He certainly would not dream of trying to pass one or both on and replace to 'suit'.
I'll even concede mistakes can happen... If you feel you have to get rid of the dog, please make sure a good home is found, and don't get another, at least for now.

What a silly point of view schmoo. I have a dog who I adore. He's a medium/small breed, easy to train, low shed.

My sister has enormous great shaggy difficult high energy dogs. I would hate one of her dogs and my heart would sink if I were given a puppy of that breed.

It's Shmoo, not Schmoo.
Then she should have spoken up when the idiot who bought it for her handed him over. She had a specific idea of what she wanted (as did he, supposedly) but she said nothing at the time... She could easily have said that she was grateful but, as he knew, not what she had in mind and would not be able to meet his needs. He could then have been returned to the breeder or home. He's now bonded with people and children and will now have the trauma of being re-homed. It's actually a big deal for a dog and can result in all sorts of issues.
If your dog suddenly changed somehow eg got sick and soiled or bled from their rear end or something (ie weren't so low maintenance as when you got him) would you love him less or try to pass him on?
I'm sick of hearing about dogs being treated as commodities to be disposed of because they don't fit.
It's not like the dog asked to be place with that family and in that home. Silly people indulging themselves without thinking things through! Who pays? The dog... EVERY TIME!
I don't give a damn if you think my viewpoint is silly. I'm entitled to it.

I'm not getting the 'wrong' breed issue tbh...

There are loads of breeds that wouldn't be my first choice, but I could live with them if that's what I had...it's only an issue if you've got a huge mismatch if for instance it's exercise levels are much much higher than you can actually manage, surely?

Shmoo you are assuming a lot there.