Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

I said I would bow out - but I can't help but care about Solo2 and Rollo.

Solo2 - you said that your vet said that Rollo is a special case and must under no circumstance try raw.
How do they know he is a special case? From all your threads there appears to be no diagnosis. So they don't know he is a special case, just that he appears to be very sensitive to certain ingredients in certain foods / cat poo etc.
Unless the vet has done a test which has shown conclusively that Rollo is lacking the enzyme needed to digest raw food then he is fine to try raw.
It baffles me that you trust your vet so blindly.

Secondly, by not fencing the pond and making the garden accesible to Rollo you are damaging his mental wellbeing. Like another poster said - poor dog does not even get to wee on his own. He needs to mooch about, sniff the grass, romp about with your boys. I feel so so sorry for him.

Please make your garden safe and let Rollo out there. Please.

And you have still not answered the question - why won't you research slippery elm and make an informed decision. Why do you blindly follow the advise of a vet / team of vets who to date have not yet managed to diagnose or cure Rollo and can only keep him healthy by giving him daily antibiotics.

For your sake and Rollo's sake, fence the garden, ditch the 'trainer' and research slippery elm. Please. I am begging you. For Rollo's sake. Please...

Behindlocknumbernine I know exactly what you mean - it is best for my health and wellbeing to hide this thread but as the solutions are so simple I can not but hope OP takes note for her and Rollo's sake.

I am actually at Crufts at the moment but keep looking on iphone to see if there is any change. I think actually being here and seeing all the pleasure the dogs are giving and all the hours people have spent training the dogs (thinking of the sporting dogs rather than show dogs) and all the fun, love and pleasure the dogs and people are getting actually makes me feel even worse about the whole Rollo situation.

it did make me feel queasy when i read that Rollo goes in garden with muzzle on and was scraping his face against the floor in frustration. Please sort your garden out OP or let the dog live with someone else.....

You hanging on to him to prove that you are not a quitter is becoming quite cruel.

Are you waiting for everyone to say , 'yes rehome him'. I don't feel sorry for you , but my heart goes out to that poor dog.
His basic instincts are being neglected. not all about you,

I've heard of helicopter parenting but this appears to be the dog-owning equivalent. I know my dogs (even the one with velcro tedencies) would be thoroughly pissed off with such micro-management. Imagine never even having a pee without someone standin over you.

"the hardest to manage situation/dog than anyone she's ever worked with in all her years as a dog owner and trainer"

Unless there's a lot you haven't told us, this sounds an extraordinary thing to say. He had some diarrhea when he was younger, but has been fine since being on antibiotics, with this brief relapse only when he was taken off them for some reason. Apart from that - he tries to 'scavenge' when out and doesn't have perfect recall yet? If that's the most difficult behaviour your trainer has ever seen, she's picked some easy clients!

Of the thousands you've spent, how much of that has been on sending him to the trainer for 'respite care'? You said earlier that you had to send him to her every weekend and in the school holidays, that must add up to a lot at £40/day. can you really not have him pottering around the house while you do your housework and paperwork or spend time with your DC? Would you not like having your lovely pup around? I know they get under your feet a bit, but you do get used to it!

Honestly I don't think you want the situation to get better. You enjoy being a martyr and coming on here to complain about how stressed and distraught you are, what awful burdens you have to bear, and have everyone fuss over you and give you attention. That's why you won't either rehome him or take any action to improve things (e.g. dog-proofing the garden, which you could probably do tomorrow if you wanted to).

when i read through an earlier thread Solo2 said that Rollo behaves absolutely fine with the trainer!!!!! Maybe the trainer means you are the hardest situation to manage OP? I really don't want to get at you but as an observer it is very difficult to get past the fact that you made a gargantuan cock up ever getting a dog in the first place and then rather than realise this early on and accept that you were going to be unable to cope, you pushed on and now no one even likes the dog any more (I refer to your dc's) because you had had so much to deal with and have dealt with it in, what can only be described as an hysterical manner. I do feel for you as it must be hard for you to accept that you have made a mistake but the bottom line is you not longer feel able to cope and therefore you must deal with that and rehome the poor dog. I feel most sorry for Rollo. He has got a very bad press in all this and i so want to hear that he has ended up happy and free to forage and retrieve like he should be able to. Good luck OP, but even more love and luck you you Rollo

"I've been told by all the vets/vet hospital that raw food will make Rollo - in his very special case - much more ill"

Solo, I've read so many of your threads. When I studied Philosophy at A-level (and University in part) we were introduced to Occam's razor:

"Occam's razor (also written as Ockham's razor) is the English equivalent of the Latin lex parsimoniae --- the law of parsimony, economy or succinctness. It is a principle urging one to select among competing hypotheses that which makes the fewest assumptions and thereby offers the simplest explanation of the effect. wiki

When you stand back and look at the information in your threads, many threads at that, consider the alternative explanations:

a)

i)You happen to have the only dog out of 19 bred at one time (from 3 bitches, admittedly) to have stomach issues.

ii) RAW feeding, which has solved the symptoms of a large number of dogs (as anecdotally posted here) is unsuitable for Rollo due to 'his very special case'.

iii) Slippery elm, which has been explained in detail as a non-protein, hypoallergenic lubricant which does not get digested, but merely soothes the passage of stools through the bowel, would be unsuitable for Rollo due to 'his very special case'.

iii) Rollo has an as yet undiagnosed condition, which has the vetinary community thoroughly baffled. (Have they, by the way, sent samples to Texas? My Westie had terrible skin, and was dx with multiple allergies after blood tests were sent to Texas - he had desensitisation injections for several months and is massively improved).

iv) Rollo's case is so 'unique' that he cannot have access to pond water. He cannot have access to puddles, nor sea water, or in fact any other water.

v) You cannot allow him access to any grass because he eats it (despite this being a normal canine activity for self-regulation - they eat grass to help rid themselves of whatever has been eaten in error). You cannot allow him access to the garden full stop.

vi) Your children have a much heightened anxiety about Rollo, which is not due to your own anxieties being shared.

vii) Rollo is such a handful that you have to send him to your trainer for several days at a time with a charge of £40 per day.

viii) Rollo is in such a condition that the vet mooted PTS as a solution

or

b)

i) Rollo gets a dodgy tummy

ii) Current food stabilises him but only alongside antibiotics.

iii) it's therefore reasonable to surmise that he is still reacting to his current food.

iv) RAW/BARF/Slippery elm is unlikely to make it worse, but might make it better.

v) Your children are picking up on your own anxieties, as is Rollo.

Seriously, in all kindness, you need to solve your difficulties before Rollo can be well.

If they haven't sent blood to Texas, it might be worth doing. Don't keep sending him to a trainer for respite. All he needs is some affection, that's not worth £40 per day.

Just chuck him a chicken wing and see how he goes.

Lougle perfectly summarised.

Brilliant post Lougle.

the very upsetting thing on this thread is the children's attitude to Rollo. Don't they like him at all OP? .

another one who'll have him.

That makes about 6 of us swallowedAfly

exactly lougle.

there just is no way on earth that this dog is THAT exceptional.

and i personally believe a hell of a lot of that 6k (now morphed to 7) will have been spent on utter bullshit that it needn't have been.

i honestly OP would take rolo - i have a gorgeous natured 15mo lab who is very playful and energetic but also totally chilled and easy going - she'd be a great companion for him and we'd love to have him.

seriously solo you said you wouldn't want to give him to a stranger but could he really be worse off with one of us?

currently he isn't even being allowed in the garden, he's being fed food that makes him ill, he's being made to wear a muzzle (?!?) and you won't even try a harmless, natural balm for his tummy. you're pulling your hair out and stressing your kids and realistically doing the dog no favours. you're not willing to sort your garden or try new things.

you are NOT coping and it's not fair on this dog.

the offer is there.

pm me (or someone else who has offered from this thread) if you want to give rolo a fresh start.

The title of this thread is 'Not sure I can do this any more.' Then don't OP. Give it up as a bad job and give Rollo a 2nd chance. Please.

I hadn't realized that Rollo didn't have the freedom to explore his own backyard and was only allowed out supervised and muzzled. That is heartbreaking. That poor, poor boy.

I feel so sorry for this dog and really hope he gets a 2nd chance.

OP, I am sorry, but I think you've got more on your plate than you can cope with. You obviously love this dog, but I think you're too neurotic for dog ownership.

I think that's getting a bit personal too. She asked for advice about the dog. How she conceived her children and what school they go to doesn't have anything to do with it.

Aaarggh. A raw diet won't kill your dog. Slippery elm won't kill your dog. Pumpkin won't kill your dog. Sea water won't kill your dog. Puddle water won't kill your dog. Access to a safe garden won't kill your dog. Rehoming him to one of the posters on here won't kill your dog. But.....you and your vet might just kill this dog intentionally if you can't cure him. How can you reject all the advice on here for being risky to Rollo when you and the bloody vet have already discussed PTS ? That's not love, it's control.