Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

Hellboy, I think you will see that I'm putting into practice most of the behavioural related suggestions and, for now, feel unable to put into practice the diet related suggestions. As I've repeated many times now, I've been told by all the vets/vet hospital that raw food will make Rollo - in his very special case - much more ill. I appreciate that many of you here disagree. It feels a bit like a GP saying, never give your child milk/nuts and loads of MNetters saying - "ah but milk/nuts never did my child any harm - it'll be the saving of him/her" - and then you have decide, do you follow the medical advice or the MN advice.

Paying less attention to Rollo, worrying less about his exercise and human contact, ignoring his barking, treating him more like an animal than a human etc etc are all things I've responded to and have actioned change. I'm working on finding a dog walker too. The ONLY advice I haven't felt able to act on is the diet related advice.

Allergic, my RL friends have repeatedly said rehome Rollo, as they know my day to day life situation and can see that adding a dog with 'issues' to the equation, is tipping me over the edge. Nevertheless, obviously I've still got Rollo. Re. sleepovers there ARE issues related to Asps twin that have prevented this so far - but that's for another forum.

BehindLock...I can see how much harder your situation must have been for you and how you've persevered and I appreciate we all have problems with our dogs and other life situations. You sound amazing!

I'm posting on here to share and to receive and accept support and advice, where it feels possible to do so. I do know I'm not the only one with problems. I thought MN was a place to share those? I've never said no other dog is difficult.

Last night, Rollo's trainer said, spontaneously, that it isn't fair to me that, despite researching dog ownership for ages, visiting breeders at the other end of the country, several times, going on a pre-puppy training course, waiting for the 'right' pup from a healthy line of goldies, spending hundreds on equipment and training and thousands on vet bills, that I've ended up with the hardest to manage situation/dog than anyone she's ever worked with in all her years as a dog owner and trainer. She commended me on my perseverance.

Of course there are loads of people in MUCH harder situations than I am but it was helpful to hear in RL that I'm not just a wimp, that I AM bending over backwards to find solutions, that I've done more than many people would to give the best care to Rollo and am STILL doing this.

The absolute bottom line issue for me - whether I'm a wimp/ a failure, whatever some of you think I may be - is that if I feel torn between the wellbeing of my DCs and the wellbeing of my dog, then I will always put my DCs first. Posting on here is about trying to find a way of ensuring the DCs are OK AND Rollo is OK - or do I have to make a choice.

I think I'd better stop this thread now, as many of you feel that by listening to the vet and not to MN Dog Forum, I'm therefore not making use of dietary advice offered. Some of you are just fed up and should probably not be reading this thread anymore anyway - and some of you think - what's the big issue? - of course you should simply rehome your dog. You can't keep spending £7,000 a year on him.

Thank you for all the support and input and I can only repeat how helpful I've found the wealth of experience shared on here and how much I've taken on board all the behavioural advice and am still instigating this. I don't know what the outcome will be, as I'm still working on looking at this: can I fulfill everyone's needs, given the responsibilities I've taken on in my specific life situation? Obviously I don't give up easily and it's nearly a year to the day that we brought home our lovely puppy - who I do love very much.

I actually asked would you at least try the raw / slippery elm as a last resort if it does come down to rehoming / PTS

Would you?

I actually asked would you at least try the raw / slippery elm as a last resort if it does come down to rehoming / PTS

Would you?

Solo, the tummy problem is a bit of a red herring here. I do appreciate it is difficult, but the main problem here is your management of Rolo and with a change in that then the tummy issue would become much easier to deal with, so I wouldn't worry about any change of diet etc for now if you're not happy to do that. I do wonder though, if you could email someone via the RAW Meaty Bones website for advice? Tom Lonsdale (the 'founder' of RMB) is a vet and so they should be able to offer a veterinary opinion but based on extensive knowldge of raw feeding also. Do you feel that would be in any way useful?

As for the trainer... well. How is she really helping you? I can have someone who will look after my home, my cats and all four of my dogs, which requires quite some skill due to the two being kept apart and the dog aggressive one for not much more than your trainer is being paid to have your dog to fit in with her and her dogs at home. I really don't see that Rolo has any particular issues here other than the tummy troubles, so if he's the most difficult dog she's dealt with them she can't be very experienced or she's sweet talking you to keep getting your money. In short, she's taking the piss and I feel very angry about it tbh.

Agree with Midori1999

What midori said.

also agree with Midori, Rollo sounds to me like any other normal dog apart from the tummy issues.

solo - i appreciate this is stressful for you.

you have not given a reason for not trying slippery elm.

you keep saying you don't want to try raw. that is fine.

you can try slippery elm WHATEVER food you are using.

i DO NOT feed raw.

i am sorry for the capitals but you seem to be tying slippery elm up with feeding a raw diet.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO CHANGE ROLLO'S FOOD TO TRY SLIPPERY ELM.

you just mix it with boiliibg water and stir the resulting gloop into his food - whether that be raw, kibble or whatever.

my dog has severe colitis - imagine a stream of blood exploding from your dog's arse. i KNOW it is stressful. however i was not prepared to submit my dog to a lifetime of steroids and antibiotics without exploring all other avenues. since then (about 5/6 years ago) i have fed a good quality food supplemented with slippery elm. of course he still has the odd flare up needing traditional meds but these are few and far between.

you are putting a hell of a lot of energy in already - just spend half an hour googling slippery elm and you will see, from vets as well as joe public, that it WILL NOT do any harm and there is a SIGNIFICANT chance that it could really help rollo.

i am sorry for 'shouting'. it is very frustrating that you will not try this. if you are not prepared to do so then i really think you should take up some of the kind ofers on this thread to take rollo on to try and get his tunny problems uder control. at least then he may have a chance of being rehomed - which to be honest is looking mre and more like the inevitable outcome.

I'm struggling to understand why you don't want to try the Slippery Elm.

I'm struggling even more to understand how your vet can say she's never heard of it - yet recommend you don't try it!

from august till a couple of days ago he didn't even have tummy troubles you've said.

and i notice we're up to 7k now - did you go out and buy him a car last night?

It might be best if OP doesnt try the slippery elm with their track record of bad luck / things that go wrong. It will be sods law that the next thread will be "I tried slippery elm and Rollo died because of it :o( "

oops that is supposed to be a sad face not a grin!!!

how inappropriate!!! Sorry!

SwallowedAfly - new car

Midori has it in a nutshell. There's nothing wrong with Rollo apart from the dodgy tum. From what you say he's by no means a difficult dog at all and if your trainer thinks otherwise that's a huge red flag telling you to ditch her because she's talking out of her arse, frankly.

The other enormous red flag about this trainer is that she charges £40 a day for dog daycare. That's taking the piss! The average rate (even in London) for professional dog care is about half that.

Solo you are getting it all wrong and totally refusing to understand what people on this thread are suggesting.

One suggestions was raw feeding - it is your choice or not to go with it. However if you research this independently you may change you mine but I do understand your reluctance and Rollo has been well on the vet food - he will be again so tummy troubles are really a minor issue - chronic and you will have flair ups.

You have been advised to fence of your pool last year - that has not been done

You have been advised to encourage your boys to interact with the dog - that has not been done. If your boys do not want to play with Rollo, then I think it is a lesson they have to learn 5 mins out of their day will actually improve their relationship with Rollo and teach them not to be so selfish. If my 10 year old twins refused to show compassion to animals or me by helping me out I would look at what messages I have been teaching them.

You have been encouraged to spend less time on Rolo that has not been done, although you can spend quality time with him that requires no effort from you.

You have been encouraged to get rid of poisonous berries - that has not been done

You have been encouraged to chill out - that has not been done

You have to admit that it is all you own fault you are paying out the money as insurance would have covered this. It is not at all unusual for a puppy to cost a lot of money in vet bills so this could have been prevented. He will not costs £7000.00 again as he has had numerous tests already that found nothing and will not need to be repeated BUT get him insured for other issues asap.

You have been encouraged to ignore Rollo when he barks at night (for the short term then he will not bark) - this has not been done.

You have been encouraged to dog proof you house/garden which would take the pressure off and then you would not need to have respite from your lovely Rolo and spend £40.00.

You need to honestly look at the situation, understand that most of the problems are of you own making and then be grown up and put in the necessary changes for your sake and Rollos.

.

Ffs, just re-home Rollo to one of the kind posters on here, your obviously having major problems and so far all you've talked about is, how you do this,that and the other, youve talked about this vet, who you build up as the best in the country, the trainer who's the best in the country, AND NOTHING IS WORKING, tbh Rollo sounds miserable and it's not fair on him.

Sorry to be so harsh but I've followed your threads and tbh I now wonder who your keeping Rollo for, you or him? People have made very kind offers to re-home Rollo from you, let them. I really think it would be kinder for him in the long run.

I posted early on this thread and I keep coming back to it hoping that there will have been some decisive action by the OP as to the way forward. However, every time I vcheck in, I leave with one thought: if you keep doing what you always did, you'll keep getting what you always got.

OP, I understand that you are reluctant to go against the veterinary opinion but really what have you to lose by trying raw for a short time? You already have a sick dog on your hands that will need a lifetime of medication to control his digestive problems so what difference would a month of raw make to his lifetime? Yes, it might prove the vets right but there is also a chance that it might prove them wrong and that it might help. And at least you will know you have tried everything possible.

And call me a cynic but it's no wonder that the vets are reluctant to let you try raw...at the moment you are their cash cow. £6K in his first year of life and ongoing prescription food, antibiotics and periods of hospitalisation when he relapses? For life?

I quite agree with minimuu...you have to make efforts and changes to make Rollo fit around your life rather than stressing yourself and your kids to the eyeballs fitting life around the dog. You have had more than eough suggestions and advice on this thread alone about how to do this (and I haven't even read all of your previous threads).

That said, if I was happily spending £40 a day to offload my dog on someone else just so I could spend time doing normal daily things, I would take that as the definitive indication that I shouldn't have the dog.

Solo2, your OP on this thread sounded like you were seeking permission to give up Rollo; you will never get that in the Doghouse!

Someone upthread posted that you should take this to AIBU for a more balanced view. I remember your posts on the recent organisation thread in AIBU - you sounded completely at the end of your rope with the pressures of your life and the dog is the only thing that you could let go of. Lots of us on that thread advised you to let him go.

The reason for that Wellwisher is because the majority of the posters in the Doghouse either work with rescues or at the very least have a good idea of the stark reality of how rescue works. You simply cannot just rock up on their doorstep and say "Here's my sick dog, he will cost you approx 6k per year to care for. Happy rehoming" and expect them to welcome Rollo with open arms. It just won't happen.

Rescues are already fit to burst with healthy dogs that there just are not enough homes for.

I've just been told that my foster might have a home in Bristol. I live in Teesside but the rescue are willing to put in the time and money to go to Bristol to homecheck and then go back again with the dog because there is not enough interest in her and they are having to turn away fit and healthy dogs who will probably be euthanised because there is not enough to space or money to take them in.

Even if Solo could find a place for him it would be unlikely that the rescue would have the time or money to switch his diet and properly monitor him, meaning Rollo will always be "a sick dog", who is going to rehome him over a healthy insured young dog?

If Solo does chose rehoming then the best secenario is that Rollo will spend months if not years in kennels before finding a foster carer willing to put in the effort with him.

Plus Doghouse posters are experienced enough to know that Rollo is not the problem. Bar his tummy issues he is good dog who shouldn't cause so much stress or take up so much time.

I agree with totally with what your saying D0oin but so much advice has been given to solo and tbh she is not doing any of it, meanwhile Rollo is suffering. Others on this thread have given very kind offers to help so I just think that's what solo should do now. At the end of the day it's what's best for Rollo which is important and I'm sure an ongoing upset stomach is very distressing for him, and it really does seem as though he could be suffering needlessly.

I've been very carefully sitting on my hands - I'd made a decision not to post on Solo's threads anymore because all the advice given over months and months and months has been studiously ignored and excuse after excuse given and it's really, really frustrating.

I just can't sit on them any more.

This poor bloody dog. He is kept exclusively inside, even when there is a garden which could be dog proofed to keep him safe, he gets no free running at all and he is dispatched to a 'trainer' pretty regularly who lives in a small flat with 3 other dogs. There's nothing I can see here which would be good for a dog, especially a bright one year old.

I really don't doubt the OP loves her dog; but she isn't IMO trying to make his life any better. Paying this bloody trainer 40 quid every day rather than making the garden safe for him makes no sense at all. Paying for Royal Canin sensitive, even though she KNOWS it contains common allergens and he can only manage to digest it while permenantly on antibiotics rather than finding a specialist vet or trying an alternative food also makes no sense.

All I read is the increasing amount of money the OP has spent on him and how much she and her family resent having him. I'm afraid the financial commitment is a direct result of a poor decision made at the outset. A decision the OP made and needs to just suck up. We all make bad decisions from time to time and have no-one to blame but ourselves.

I can't help feeling that Rollo is picking up on all of this and his tummy trouble is a physical manifestation of his stress. Goldens are very, very bright dogs. He won't have missed the drama that seems to surround him and he won't be the first dog to have a physical reaction to distress.

OP - you really obviously love him and want to do the best for him; I really don't doubt that. Please listen to what experienced dog owners are saying to you.

His tummy trouble isn't the end of the world; dog poo is not a disaster. There is no reason to sit up all night, nor to panic about it. He appears to be a happy, healthy dog for most of the time. Find a different vet, investigate allergens and try alternative foods. Take some control and try and help him. He's getting the shits on the vets food. If you try something else how much worse can it get?

Dog proof the garden. He deserves to be able to go outside on his own and mooch about. FFS, he doesn't even get to pee on his own at the moment.

Stop stressing about it and deal with each minute at a time. Take responsibility and control; you're most definitely not the only person with a dog that gets the shits at the drop of a hat.

If you honestly don't think you can do that, then I feel the time has come to rehome him. For his own good.

It's unfortunate that the dog's prospects once he leaves Solo's care are somewhat bleak given his health issues and the cost of his care... however, based on Solo's posts elsewhere on MN, she can't cope with him any more. It's all very well to say "Doghouse posters are experienced enough to know that Rollo is not the problem" - you are probably right, but that is no more a reason to leave a dog in the care of people who can't look after him properly than it would a child in the same situation. At some point, you have to draw a line. In an ideal world, perhaps there is more Solo could do, but the dog can't be prioritised over her sanity and wellbeing! If keeping him is affecting her and her dcs' quality of life, he has to go. It doesn't sound like he has a very nice life at the moment either: 2 out of his 3 "owners" don't want him and he is housebound for most of the time, which isn't ideal for a big, energetic dog like a retriever.

"I can't help feeling that Rollo is picking up on all of this and his tummy trouble is a physical manifestation of his stress. Goldens are very, very bright dogs. He won't have missed the drama that seems to surround him and he won't be the first dog to have a physical reaction to distress."

Yes. Very, very much so, yes.

poor poor Rollo -It made me so sad when i read daisydo's sentence about him not even being able to even pee in his own garden unattended. Please just get on with it and try to rehome him OP. He'll have forgotten you and your ungratefuil children within a week and live a happy life with a family who can cope with a GR. Or I'll have him - he sounds beautiful.

all you ever do is moan about him.