Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

I've been trying not to say this, but at the risk of being shot down again by other MNers....
We had to rehome our rescue dog recently (wont bore you with details, but easy to find on here). It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my 41 years. But in the end it came down to my DH saying 'dog ownership is just not supposed to be like this and we cannot, with the best will in the world, give him what he needs'.
I'm pleased to report that it looks like a much better future for us apart rather than together. And I mean BOTH of us. I could not see that last week and, like you, was getting up at night and giving him my every waking moment too.

I'm not telling you what to do and I would never expect people to take my advice. Just putting it out there for you to mull over.

But please, please, give yourself a break somehow! X

hear hear MrC

Solo2, if it's any help, I have a very high-energy 12 month old retriever type thing (she looks exactly like a retriever, but with a saluki's back end, a bit like a cut-and-shut) and sometimes we CANNOT go out for a walk. At this time of year, the whole country where we live is occasionally enveloped in dust storms and it would be dangerous for me and the dog to go out in it. In the summer, it sometimes gets too hot for me to even go outside to hang the washing out, and dog walking in those conditions simply does not happen.

What I am saying is, he doesn't NEED a walk every single day. Yes my dog is a bit of a pain in the arse on non-walk days, but it's not completely disastrous. We cope. She mostly gets ignored and she knows it, so she has to entertain herself - I have always spent most of the day ignoring her as I deliberately wanted to bring her up to be non demanding.

When I go to the beach with her, we quite often see a pack of 3 stray dogs (GSD/retriever/saluki mixes that look a bit like mine). In 'the wild' I can tell you that dogs are proper lazy bastards. They never do anything. They lay in the bushes all day, they sometimes sniff around the bins to scavenge food, they sometimes come down onto the beach to say hello to my dog. They certainly don't run about or play.

Dogs LIKE to be walked and it helps us owners because it makes them more manageable, but I don't believe they NEED it every single day without fail. Obviously they need it most days, because it keeps them fit and provides vital mental stimulation, but the world doesn't end on days they're not walked.

Go easy on yourself for a bit, see how far you can push Rollo to what you think are his limits, and I think you will be surprised at how manageable he is. All of your behaviour towards him is very controlling, like you really fear the worst happening and do everything you can to prevent it - I say go ahead and let the worst happen and I think you will be pleasantly surprised that it's not as bad as you think.

Why thank you ATN

Ditto what the others have said about walks.

I've always made a point of NOT walking mine at the same time every day - because sometimes, life DOESN'T run to schedule and a dog doing a wall of death round the living room because his walk is 10 minutes late does not help.

Sometimes they get a very long, single walk. Sometimes, 2 or more short ones.

Sometimes - shock horror! - they miss walks. There is no way ON THIS EARTH I would drag a sick child out just to walk the dog. Come to that, there's no way I'd drag MYSELF out if I was poorly.

Dogs come to expect what they're used to.

Hmmm CalamityKate.....food for thought. I just dragged my poorly daughter out to walk the dog. Admittedly we literally walked round the block but in hindsight you are right, I didn't need to

Haven't read through the whole thread so may be repeating another's advice but when my dogs have had diarrhoea which they frequently did as pups and occasionally as adults, I just give them boiled rice and microwaved fish which seems to settle the runs after 24 hours then gradually add some greens and feed this until they seem back to normal.

Sorry meant to add. Kibble always sets the diarrhoea off again if given too soon.

Was at the (holistic) vet yesterday with one of mine who has had diarrhea since Monday. The vet recommended either chamomile tea (brew it up and let her drink it once cooled, or just scatter the contents of a tea bag over her food) or canned pureed pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling). I didn't have any tea, and she is refusing her food right now anyway, but she did eat some pumpkin puree so I am hoping that will help. This vet managed to get rid of a 2 year old lick granuloma on one of our dogs, simply by changing diet and a herbal supplement so I am happy to try anything she says! She did tell me that pumpkin is good for both constipation and diarrhea.

soooollllooooo Where are youuuuuuu???????!!!!!!

Probably tending to Rollo!
(I mean that kindly, solo )

clam, I'd run if I were you..........

OK, I'll apologise in advance for this if it's not helpful, relevant or appropriate and I know I'm not the best person to talk, but I do wonder whether some of us veer towards being a bit pfb about our dogs. That's right, dogs, not humans.
This was brought home to me a few weeks ago when we took our 11mo dog away for the weekend to friends who also had a pup of a similar age. They've owned dogs for years, unlike us, who are newbies. As I was fussing around at bedtime, arranging his bedding and laying down my his dressing gown (smells of me - he likes it! ) and explaining to the friends how, if he didn't settle (strange house, after all) I'd come back down with the back-up dressing gown...... I then stopped short as I caught their expression. It can only be described as "You are not SERIOUS????? It's a bloody DOG!!" In fact, they may have said that out loud.

Since then I truly have adopted the view, "it's a dog," and he has to fit round us, not the other way round. I never fussed around my own kids like that, so what the hell was I thinking, doing it with a dog? He has a nice life, good food, sufficient walks (most of the time), lots of love and company. That's good enough.

no need to run clam

i'm pfb'ish in terms of pride about my dog, her character, the success of her training, in how she is with other dogs, how keenly but politely she greets dogs, how much better looking she is than the other black labs i see

so yes i think pfb stuff applies to dogs as much as to children!

clam - i totally agree. In my thread about imminent dog ownership I referred to the fact that we had a dog when I was growing up and from what I can recall, my parents treated her like, well like a dog She was loved, cared for, fed, walked, trained etc. but she was our DOG!!! We did not act like she had 'human feelings. , My parents, brother, sister and I loved her totally. She loved us with abandon but no one fretted over her. She didn't even get spayed. As children, we taught her tricks and loved showing her off to our friends, but then we let her doze and we got on with our days without all the stress that seems to be involved nowadays. Maybe we need to go back to that.....

I am totally pfb about Jasper It's all so new still, and there's so much to learn that it's easy to get a bit, erm, obsessive.

what is pfb?????

Precious first born, Allergic. You know, the way you go overboard with your first baby, think that the Messiah has landed, antibac the entire world etc. Generally lose your rational mind a bit

oh ahahahah! My dd got choped fruit as an afterschool snack. ds gets a doughnut!

Precious First Born.

allergic, mine get sent to the kitchen to get their own snacks now.

I'm not at all pfb about my dogs. Honest.

whippy is in aleague of her own tho.

[ignores the fact ralph has taken over the sofa and stolen the head pad i was using for poorly baby boys tummy, and is now resting his head on it]

head pad/heat pad

Solo... There is a time when you need to stop thinking of the dog to think of your children.

You have done more than enough. No it is not normal to spend 6-7000 pounds in vets in the life time of a dog, much less so in the first year. Without you that dog would have been dead since long ago.

You really don't want to look back in a few years time and realise that you missed on your children growing up because you were mostly focused in sorting the dog up. It's time to stop tormenting yourself and let him go.

You are a lone parent, have a business, the responsibility to provide for your family and have a child with aspergers, which no doubt needs his mother help, time and attention to help him through day to day issues. The dog seems, however, to be getting most of your time and attention. That is not right, your family needs you more, and it needs you in a good shape. It's time to let the dog go.