Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

Gosh - I can see why they call the dog house a scary place.

I suspect that most people posting here are dog owners and that others who are not are too scared to post here.

OP - why don't you post in AIBU and see what a cross section of other MNers think about rehoming.

I really really think that you should rehome Rollo - you need to prioritise your own physical and mental health and that of your DSs.

You and your DSs are much much much more important than a dog.

No - one here is going to support this view as this is the dog-house.

To have spent £6k - £7k in a year on a dog is insane!

Really - people what do you want - OP to have a breakdown or go bankrupt.

This sounds like a nightmare situation.

My advice - rehome Rollo - hide the dog house topic and get on with the rest of your life.

Hi solo, I've read lots of your posts, not sure if I've posted, maybe on one of your other threads.

Lapsus part of the problem is that "rehoming" will probably turn out to be a euphamism for PTS because, realistically, it isn't that easy to rehome any dog and certainly not one with all these health issues. I'm not sure solo wants that. People are very quick to cry "rehome" but a lot of people on here know what it really means for the dog and that's why you get the responses you do.

Solo, is there anything you can do so you take these things in your stride a little more? I think a lot of what you describe is quite common to dog owners, it's maybe just a case of finding a better way of dealing with it.

"something freaked him out on his last toilet walk and he howled and barked for ages. Took a lot of trying, to calm him down and get him to go to sleep and the DCs were completely upset."

Why do you waste time and effort trying to calm the dog down? Trying to calm a dog is counterproductive; the dog senses you are stressed and gets even more upset. This kind of thing will happen on walks all the time. The other day we think our JRT came face to face with a weasel - she was investigating some undergrowth and was really spooked! Then last night she started barking and howling at 3am for some unknown reason. I ignore. I can ignore for Britain! This is so much better for the dog. They look at you, completely calm and carrying on as usual and think "I'm being stupid, she thinks there's nothing to worry about". Next time, make a cup of tea and plug yourself into your ipod.

Shame we're not nearer, my dog-loving 16 year old would walk your dog for a fiver like a shot! but I think you are making it impossible by being so specific about the hours. Wouldn't it be better to have the dog walked while you are working? Two problems solved in one then. I work from home and I try to get family members and anyone else willing I can grab to walk the dogs when I am working. I've even asked pupil's parents! One said "in case we're not back exactly on time, we're going to walk our dog." I said "you wouldn't like to walk mine as well, would you?" and they did! Take help from anywhere and everywhere you can get it.

I'm another convert to raw, but I understand the worry. I first put our younger dog on it and she thrived. The vet said, well, if you must, but said our 10 year old dog wouldn't cope with the bacteria. One day I ran out of tins so I gave him a chicken wing. He loved it and his digestion has never been better! Being a sheltie, he used to be very stinky and unsavoury in the fur under his tail and we had to regularly attack it with rubber gloves and scissors (TMI!) but that has all stopped now. Surely trying raw has got to be better than being PTS (or "rehomed").

I'm not a great believer of set routines for dogs. My parents do this and their dog starts whining and carrying on at set times, before walks etc. My dogs get what they get when it suits me. That might include two or even three walks a day, coming along with whatever we're doing, being fed once I've finished working. They seem very happy and I think it adds to our younger dog's sense that everything in her life is one great adventure and who knows what exciting thing might happen next! Having said that, if it's pissing down with rain, I'm alone with the children and they've had a good walk earlier in the day, the garden will do after dinner. Don't make it more difficult than it needs to be. :)

Quite Musicposy. In situations like this I think you need to ask whether you are prepared to take the dog to the vet and have it PTS, because realistically that is highly likely to happen if 'rehoming' becomes the preferred option. Who wants to take on a dog and face such huge vet bills when the dog can no longer be insured?

Could anybody of those advising Solo to keep going trying to make this dog healthy, volunteer to take Rollo off her hands? I'm sure nobody here will offer to do that for her, and with very good excuses, who of us would be so stupid to volunteer to take a dog that costs over £6000 in vet fees a year?, that will keep the floors where your children play and walk full of poo? and that will leave you more sleep deprived than a new born for years to come?

Let the poor woman out of this guilt trip, what she is doing is unsustainable and wrong.

"Solo, is there anything you can do so you take these things in your stride a little more? I think a lot of what you describe is quite common to dog owners, it's maybe just a case of finding a better way of dealing with it."

Surely, this takes the biscuit!

I believe there have already been offers to take kn

I'll try again. Stupid phone.

I believe there have already been offers to take Rollo on. I myself would take him exceptI live in canada.

I can tell you one thing for absolute certain. If it came down to me being so desperate as to "rehome" Rollo, I'd for damn sure be trying the raw diet and/or slippery elm first.

Ok, fair enough.

Solo, what about trying the raw diet for a month, if it doesn't work... rehome the dog.

Or even better, look at the things this way: "I'm letting Rollo go to a person who will be in a better position to take care of him in a way I no longer can. It will turn out better for Rollo."

And move on...

piglet, not meant rudely, you need to read the thread. solo has been offered tons of practical advise, offers to take the dog and look after it, sort out it's diet and training and then give it back, offers to take the dog. she refuses to try simple, harmless things that may help and making life really, really hard. it's her own guilt trip that is making her over the top in dog care instead of just relaxed and doing a lot less. people have tried to let her off of all sorts of hooks.

the reality with saying, 'just rehome it' is that it really is not that simple. she has kept the dog for a year, it's not a puppy anymore, and she didn't bother to continue the insurance that was on the dog when it came so it is now uninsurable. however some have said that the dog should go back to the breeder and have a shot at being rehomed but the OP doesn't want to do that or isn't ready to do it yet.

piglet if it weren't for the vet bills I would happily take the dog on and i neither think it would keep me up all night nor toilet all over the floors where my DC play. The dog does the prior at least because it is allowed to, it four quite happily be left in an area that was easy to clean overnight.

As for the vet bills, as a puppy the fog could have been insured to cover these. For whatever reason Solo chose not to take out insurance. So now she has huge vet bills. Horrible for her and all credit to her for paying them, but they could have been avoided. Now anyone taking on the dog may also suffer huge vet bills because the dog won't be insurable now.

I was on this thread much earlier than page 14... The advice you were given, re raw feeding and slippery elm and also help to rehome or training and even the people offering to take the dog from you for a while to let you get back to your routine were excellent. But still you have not done anything positive.

I can understand your reluctance to feeding raw, especially if the vet has said the bacteria will harm your dog, BUT you have said that he is on antibiotics, thus cancelling out bacteria. That should put your mind at rest re this. Slippery elm - well that has been explained to you by someone in 'medical' terms, it WILL NOT do your dog any harm.

If you want to rehome your dog, so be it - at the end of the day, it is your dog but I am telling you this, the dog will be PTS. Nobody in their right mind will take on a dog that cost 6K in vet fees and no insurance company will insure him as this is now a pre existing condition.

And no thanks, piglet I dont want this dog, I have 2 large ones of my own. 1 with ongoing immune problems and 1 puppy.

But I can say this, when my boy was very ill The Doghouse was an absolute godsend for me, the advice, hand holding and even just people knowing what we were going through helped and I would and DID do anything and everything to help him. Oh and my dogs are insured, so even though we paid some excess and for some drugs - about 90% was covered, it also cost ££££.

what keeps me going is really this forum, where I've learned that if I can cope at the moment, then by the time Rollo's about 2 yrs old, and provided I've kept up training him, he'll be much much easier. So many thanks to everyone who gives so much support on this forum!
I trawled through MN and found this on an old thread of Solo's. Not long to go now solo!!!!

that was June 2011 btw {smile]

Very many thanks to all the supportive replies. It really helps, as it always has done. Remember that I'm still looking after Rollo. I haven't rehomed him. I'm STILL giving him my all - whilst at the same time taking on board what many say that I don't need to give him QUITE so much of my energy. I AM taking this on board. Most of what people have adviced, re. behavioural advice, I've taken on board and started making changes.

The raw food thing I think is quite clear - from my other posts - that I DAREN'T try him on that in the face of overwhelming vet advice against this - certainly not at the moment. Please don't muddle up my inability to respond to THAT advice with my active - and grateful - response to other behavioural advice. The food issue isn't simple at all. I've been told repeatedly by the vest that in Rollo's special case, it'd cause him suffering and much worse diarrhoea if I try him on anything other than what works for him now - which is Royal Canin Sensitivity PLUS metronidazole.

I keep posting on here because whilst I obviously keep having massive struggles being a dog owner, I'm still persisting with this day by day.

Can I ask those who are advising me to leave him to soil the kitchen if he gets diarrhoea overnight, what do you do about the noise they make howling and barking all night, in terms of still getting the DCs to be able to sleep? It's the NOISE more than the mess that affects my DCs - and thus myself.

I didn't take out pet insurance because I truly believed that the vet bills per year would amount to up to £1,000 max. and never realised it'd be so much more. My savings could have covered up to a thousand.

I feel protective of Rollo and whilst I really appreciate offers of help with him, obviously I would want to know you in RL, were I ever to get to the point of definitely needing to rehome him. Every time I think of someone taking him from me, I feel a huge surge of protectiveness. So obviously the rehoming thing isn't a simple solution. It brings out the desire in me to keep him and manage my life better and MAKE it work.

I'm still seeing IF I can make it work - hence my continued posting here. I don't give up on things easily. I'm really attached to Rollo and the thought of rehoming is awful. At the same time, as Piglet said, I don't want to look back at the next 15 yrs and realise Rollo took so much away from my DCs - in terms of my attention, time and a less stressed mother - not to mention the money. I have to decide if I can keep Rollo AND not let my DCs suffer.

Incidentally, we can't let Rollo in the garden, so the DCs - even if they wanted to (which they don't) can't throw a ball around for him there. There's a huge garden pond unsafe for dogs and we also think that the origin of his tummy problems as a pup, came from eating berries, poisonous plants and cat poo (from neighbour's cats) in the garden.

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughtful and supportive replies. Hopefully, this and many of my other threads, will help those thinking about getting a puppy, to be able to see one extreme of how the experience might be (although I'm still hanging in there), along with all the positives that others post about.

HI Solo,
Why is Rollo making so much noise at night? Is it because he wants to go out and not soil the house? In that case I would see if I could rig something up for him. Maybe locking in a utility room with a dog flap that lets him go out into a secured area? That of course depends on the layout of your house and yard.

If it makes you feel even slightly better, I have three dogs with upset tummies at the moment, one of them a not-yet-house-trained pup. I am cleaning up A LOT of diarrhea!

For the sleeping on a night thing I'd go with what Minimuu suggested, explain to the kids that he's going to be making a bit of noise for a few nights but if you ignore him he will stop. And then do just that. Shut him in an easy to clean room and so not under any circumstances respond to his barking and howling, he will soon learn that it uses energy but gains no rewards and he'll stop.

Would be possible to fence off a part of your garden especially for Rollo?

look forward to some positive posts solo2. You'll get there in the end. And relllaaaxxxxx

can u make the garden safe, or at least part of the garden?

far too obvious missdee.

the dog will not howl all night. it will soon learn you're not coming and not bother any more. think of a baby - of how if you run to it every time it wakes up and give it loads of stimulating attention it is being rewarded for waking up and will even start to wake up more to gain the attention. if the behaviour is low reward (in the case of a baby minimal patting, checking of needs etc) in the case of a 1 year old dog zero reward ie. ignore it!

within a few nights you won't hear a sound - he'll have been given clear new reality and will adjust to it and accept it.

seriously if you've been affording £40pd in weekly doggy day care then you can afford someone to fence off a safe area of your garden. alternatively like me (my garden is a nightmare to try and secure) you can invest in a long cable like lead. mine is attached to something by the back door and has an attachment that i hook to the dog's lead when i let her out.

What about a kennel in the garden with a little run outside for any nighttime accidents? You could get a heater for colder weather and a lovely bed for him. When the dog has diarrhoea, he can just pop out of his kennel into the run - easier to clean up!

Ignoring is the key to sorting out nuisance behaviour, and you can safely ignore your dog if he is outside - no worrying about your floor in the morning!

Also, just wondering, does your dog have access to grass when he is not wearing his muzzle? All dogs with diarrhoea/upset tummy will choose to eat grass. I don't know why it helps them but it does, a herbal remedy?! I would ditch the muzzle (if you are just using it to stop him eating on walks, not for safety reasons?)

I know several dogs who sleep in a kennel at night, but live in the house and garden during the day and the arrangement works well.

xx

That was my thought, misdee. I'm not sure why the pond is a probem - we have one. Poppy fell in it once as a puppy and it shocked both her and my daughter who had ignored my advice not to throw a ball over the top of the pond! Once was enough to learn and dog has never fallen in it again - she's not a great fan of water!

Can you get rid of the plants with berries and plant something more suitable? Cat poo shouldn't be a problem but I can understand your worry, given his digestion - you can check for it before you let him out.

We walk ours along the edge of a giant pond normally known as the North Sea. They seem to enjoy swimming in it and have not drown yet. Well whippy doesn't swim, but as mentioned before, she is not really a dog.

North sea DOin!!! You do make me laugh