Time to say goodbye

[MummyNic]

Some may recall my horror at finding out my little girl's (12 year old Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier) nasal issues (not being able to breathe through it) turned out to be cancer in her nasal passage. A very aggressive cancer which is growing on her soft palette and so can't be successfully removed.
Well, on the advice from the specialist, I had her operated on, to buy time, by removing the surface lump so she could breathe but not have invasive surgery.
It bought us my DS's 3rd birthday, my birthday, Christmas & New Year. About 1.5 to 2 months in all.
But her nasal passage is getting blocked again and tonight she's having to breathe through her mouth more than her nose... It's time :(
Do I do it on Monday or Friday?
I'm going away with work on Tuesday until Wednesday evening, hate the thought of missing time with her but.. If I wait until Friday I could ask for Thursday off to spend the day, alone, with my darling girl. But.. Friday is my sisters birthday... Should I wait until Saturday?
She's still eating & drinking, wags her tail etc. but it's bothering her. Oh God, I know this is it, do I delayit a week or admit defeat and book her in?
If its Monday then my DH won't be able to be there.
Maybe Thursday is the day, in the afternoon...
Bollocks.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Its a horrible choice to make, but the best one for the dog.

you have to decide if the dogs quality of life is so bad that it has to be Monday or can wait to another day.

Sorry it's come to this. Personally, I think that if you know the dog is suffering, you have to do it asap for her sake. You have to put her needs first, although I understand wanting to buy more time for yourself. Putting it off won't make it easier :(

Having clung on well past the last moment more than once I would suggest that we are more likely to leave it too late rather than do it too early. I don't at all regret the dogs I let go earlier, eg one was still under an anaesthetic when we got the bad news and we never had him woken up. If we had he would have had days, pain meds... Not much fun.

Letti them go whilst still waggy is better than the alternative.

Agree with Transverse. Sooner better than later once you have finally made the hardest decisoin of all. Imagine if she detiorated whilst you are away with work.

Isn't there a saying that it's better to do it a week too soon than a day too late?

But it's the hardest decision to make and it depends on how she is, if she seems in pain or very distressed, if there's no way you can make her more comfortable. Can you ask the vet for advice?

Agree you have to think about whether the extra few days are for her, or for you.

So sorry you're going through this :(

She's very bright this morning, honestly don't think she's in any pain, just struggled to breathe through nose at night. But it is definitely time... Hand on heart, I think she's be ok for a few more days without getting distressed or pain. That's why this is so hard, to do it when they appear well

I really feel for you. We made the decision on the day our dog -who had been diagnosed with cancer two days prior- simply couldn't get up and go out to poo without two adults to lift him. His immune system was weak and he had an infection that wasn't clearing up with antibiotics which is how we found the cancer. DH was going away to work for the rest of the week and I knew I couldn't cope on my own with the dog. He was loving all the cuddles from us and the kids who wanted to spend every second they had left with him. By midmorning of that day, I knew it had to be done pdq. I didn't regret it as he had a lovely last day.
One caveat; the grief afterwards was pretty awful for us all so couldn't have handled lots of committments as we all just huddled together and wept for days. Give your dog the dignity of not leaving in pain and fear. The vet will be gentle and they really do just drift off.

Oh god that's made me cry
I still cry over Milo, he was our family dog from when I was 2, he died when I was 14... He was the reason I spelled my Princess's name: Moli
I feel so ill at the thought of this coming week

horsemad your post made me cry remember when we had to make that choice for our dog, the hardest thing ever but I dont regret it either.

He also had cancer, and I knew that to keep him going on would be for us, not for him. Our vet was lovely, she was one of the regular vets who treated him throughout his ten years and she shed tears too.

ITs never easy and afterwards like HMM said, its such a massive feeling of grief, especially for children, my DS especially took it hard as the dog and him grew up together.

Oh horse ad, wise words.

I'm so sorry, MummyNic
And just agree with the others. My old boy was well till the day he wasn't, and then he was in pain and scared. Again it was cancer, and at 13+ surgery and chemo were not an option. He did just drift off, head on my lap, and it was such a relief to know he wasn't in pain or afraid anymore - but it was my first experience of taking responsibility for ending a life, and I felt shocked and dreadful - as well as missing him hugely.
I cried, on and off, for days and weeks, until I dreamed he came and ran around with me, back in his prime, and then looked at me as if I were nuts to be grieving - then ran off with just one backward glance, and his famous smile. It was a very helpful dream. After that I knew I had done the right thing in having him pts when I did.
Wishing you strength and sending a big hug.

Thank you, she's just the most beautiful girl in every possible sense of the word. She's not distressed or in pain so going to wait until Friday or Saturday. It'll give me a few days to deal with it before work the following Tuesday. Will ask for Thursday of so I can spend the day together. Can't take her for a long walk but will have a shirt one with her and might risk an off the lead session.
She had roast chicken for dinner tonight, will buy some pigs ears and spoilt her rotten for a few days more.
The pain in my heart has already started and I think she knows her time has come.
Will ask the nursery to talk to DS about the circle of life so he understands a little. He'll miss her, even though he's just 3, he cuddles her a lot and tells her he loves her

Thanks Jax and Coccyx. We finally worked up the courage to scatter the ashes on what would have been his 13th birthday. Dropped them along his favourite walking route. It felt very cleansing especially as we had the new pup with us and it is impossible not to smile with him around. Hearts are muscles that heal and expand.
MummyNic, I think you are making a good decision. We had a moment when my youngest and I had a good cry together a few weeks after we said goodbye to our Goldie. I realised that what upset him most was to see DD cry. Made him nuts! She and I decided that it was best to honour his spirit by being happy for him that he had a great life, was well loved and passed peacefully with his family holding him and telling him that he was a great dog. Don't be afraid to be with her at the end and enjoy the time you have left. Dogs only understand 'now' and if 'now' is full of love, she will be happy to the end and beyond.
Please let us know how you are doing afterwards. It really will help to vent on us as we won't think you are mad.

That is a fantastic expression horsemad
"hearts are muscles that heal and expand". Perfect and very fitting. We still havent scattered Kaisers ashes, I just cant bring myself to do it. It will be done in Scotland at his favourite beach, one day.

How is your young whippersnapper?

appointment booked for 10am on Saturday. I think she's ready, keeps looking at me
She's sticking to me like glue and I am her. Have Thursday off for a me & Moli day. God I love her so much, can't bear it.
If she's worse when I get back on Wed I'll ring & do it Thursday.
Spoke to nursery and they will talk to DS about it on Thurs, they have a book they can loan me to help him.
Have arranged a play date for him on Sat so I can go and cry at my friends house while he plays with her kids.
I know, from her eyes, that this is the right time. I'm grateful for that as I don't want to feel guilty that it's too early

If she is looking at you 'that' way it is definitely not too early. Will be thinking of you this week.

Well done for making the appt. Is it at home or at the surgery?

At the surgery, not ideal I guess. Hadn't thought of possibility of home appointment. Might enquire about that. Thanks for the idea.
Don't think DH will want it at home and I think I might be prone to collapsing at the spot and having a fit of tears... Might not be best for us... Will enquire though and have a think about it.

Hi Jax!
The pup is gorgeous. We have utterly given up on keeping him off the sofa as it is so nice when he comes for a cuddle. We are still madly in love with him. He likes to test the boundaries and you can't turn your back on food left on the countertops but it's just like living with my other teenagers- they eat you out of house and home, pretend to be deaf and give the best hugs. You can't not be gooey about the boy as he has the most adorable personality. I'm going to take him for a run in a minute. His social skills are improving rapidly. He is still a ball theif and we have to scan the horizon constantly for small kids having a kickaround. We do a fair bit of apologising.

teehee horsemad, he's a lab. Thats all.

I had my old cat pts at home to save her the stress of the journey, but maybe with dogs it is different - my dog doesn't mind going to the vet, he is always so relieved it is not the grooming parlour (they are on the same street). We then buried the cat in the garden. I think vets will take the body away - and cremate if that is what you want.

Having her cremated and ashes returned. I then plan for her to be buried in my coffin with me when it's my turn. Had our rabbit, Basil, cremated and I've still got his ashes. He was like a little dog, came when he was called, followed me around. Never known a bunny have such a personality and I've had a few in my childhood.
He even displayed his erm... "affection" to my finger in front of guests it was hilarious!!
Princess Moli has funny bits: squigy bum is the best - I scratch / tickle her bum / back and she kinda dances, it's do funny. In her younger days she used to do the infamous "Wheaten Whirl" around the living room every time I came home (even if I'd only put the bin out!) and especially when I got her lead
Now she's a graceful lady, still does squigy bum.
Used to show her, she's got a stud book number so didn't have to qualify her for Crufts. She's fab, a real beauty. I'm so proud to have had the privilege of being her companion.

Help me, in a mess. Crying my eyes out in a hotel room, unable to sleep due to the unbelievable pain I'm in due to my heart breaking.
Wish I didn't have to come away

I'm so, so sorry. It's so difficult. Imagine your darling girl could talk to you. She'd tell you that she's tired and she's ready to go to sleep now, but she'd really like if you could be there to send her on her way. And you can be there, and hold her and tell her that you love her as she goes peacefully on her way, and know that on one beautiful day you WILL be reunited.

Your DS will have some lovely memories of her, but why not make a special scrap book of photos and stories and her pedigree so you can share her story with him in the years to come?

Thank you. Spoke to DH this morning, he said she's struggling today. I'll be home tonight and I'm off work tomorrow, to be with her for the day, alone.
DH said have no doubt that we are doing the right thing.
Got myself into a state last night, but I need to put a brave face on today

The scrap book is a good idea, will look at doing that. I started thinking about the actual appointment last night, she's not a fan of the vet, I'm worried she won't lie down. But I think she will now, from what DH says. I don't want her last moments being a battle for her to behave