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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Time to say goodbye

166 replies

MummyNic · 08/01/2012 02:53

Some may recall my horror at finding out my little girl's (12 year old Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier) nasal issues (not being able to breathe through it) turned out to be cancer in her nasal passage. A very aggressive cancer which is growing on her soft palette and so can't be successfully removed.
Well, on the advice from the specialist, I had her operated on, to buy time, by removing the surface lump so she could breathe but not have invasive surgery.
It bought us my DS's 3rd birthday, my birthday, Christmas & New Year. About 1.5 to 2 months in all.
But her nasal passage is getting blocked again and tonight she's having to breathe through her mouth more than her nose... It's time :(
Do I do it on Monday or Friday?
I'm going away with work on Tuesday until Wednesday evening, hate the thought of missing time with her but.. If I wait until Friday I could ask for Thursday off to spend the day, alone, with my darling girl. But.. Friday is my sisters birthday... Should I wait until Saturday?
She's still eating & drinking, wags her tail etc. but it's bothering her. Oh God, I know this is it, do I delayit a week or admit defeat and book her in?
If its Monday then my DH won't be able to be there.
Maybe Thursday is the day, in the afternoon...
Bollocks.

OP posts:
DancesWithWolves · 11/01/2012 11:08

So sorry you are struggling. From experience, the pain is more bearable once they have gone (if that makes sense), in that you don't have their suffering to cope with as well, just your own.

I still have my mare's ashes in a black bin liner in the greenhouse (they used to be under my bed but when we moved she ended up in there). I cannot scatter her as she is more like clinker and would hang around on the ground rather than scattering to the four winds.

I intend her to go in with me when my time comes.

What are we like?!?

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 11/01/2012 11:19

oh mummynic Just get your work over with today, autopilot will kick in and then you will be with her tomorrow. We made a photo album of all Kaisers pictures, from when DS was a newborn and he was a puppy up to his last day with us. It helped to look back at the pictures and remember the very funny memories and all the naughty things that he used to do. That helped enormously, DS has a photo framed in his bedroom from when he was little with young Kaiser on top of a picnic table in a park near where we used to live! That is something that DS chose and I know when he is having a bad day he talks to the photo. Sad

DD chose a photo of KAiser snuggled up on the sofa with the cat! It is in her bedroom in a frame she chose and although she was much younger than DS when we lost our lovely boy, she still has fond memories of him.

All I can say is that the pain seems crushing, but talking and remembering and letting the grief out helps enormously. There are still days now (almost 3 years on) when I miss him with such a passion it hurts and tears flow.

Oh and I lasted 3 weeks without a dog in the house, before I had to get another GSD. We now have 2 hooligans beautiful dogs, almost 3 and 1.5, they keep me busy and I love them both dearly, but neither has replaced our gorgeous Kaiseroo.

We are all here for you, we know the sadness but also the relief that we have done the very best for our lovely dogs.

Any pics on your profile?

Original poster
MummyNic · 11/01/2012 18:30

Home now Smile she barely wagged her tail when she saw me Sad but her breathing isn't too bad Confused
I'll take her for a little walk later, lots of cuddles and treats. She's def not herself but the breathing is confusing me Confused
She seemed a bit sensitive around her back end, so will see how she walks.
Glad I'm home.
No pics on profile... Never worked out how to do that, will give it a go tomorrow xx

OP posts:
horsemadmom · 12/01/2012 10:02

Oh! MummyNic, I really feel for you. You are doing the right thing even though it hurts so much. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the time you have together.
On home vs. vet's for the procedure-
Consider that you may find it easier to be able to close the door after. Also, and there is no delicate way to put this, when they drift off it is not uncommon for dogs to empty their bladders. For us, being able to walk out of the surgery and go home helped. I don't think we could have coped with helping the vet to take our Goldie's body away. Of course, our choice had a lot to do with his adoration for the vet and his size. You might want to ask someone to clear all the doggy stuff out for you and donate it to a rescue. It's a painful task that you can delegate.
The end really will be so gentle. I think that it brought us a lot of comfort to see how quietly he slipped away and to know that that loving choice saved him from inevitable pain.
We kept his collar by the back door and I sniffed it every day. Until one day, it didn't smell anymore...

Ephiny · 12/01/2012 10:41

I think I would have it done at home only if: the dog couldn't be easily moved without causing pain, or if they tend to get very fearful/stressed at the vet's. It's your choice though (assuming your vet will do a home visit), whatever you think would be better for her and you.

So sorry you have this decision to make :(. I'm worried sick about my older Rottie boy today, his legs have got so bad that I'm afraid we might be coming to the end for him too.

Original poster
MummyNic · 12/01/2012 12:29

Going to stick with appointment. She doesn't like the vets but I think she hasn't the energy to fight.
For me, I think I will forever look at the spot where she died (I know about the potential mess and am not bothered) and not move from that spot. As you say, being able to walk away is probably the tight thing for me.
About to take her out for as long a walk as she can manage. Have had lots of cuddles.
The pain of this is horrific, wouldn't wish it on anyone. Sad

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 12/01/2012 13:44

Hope you managed a lovely walk together, will be thinking of you. Sad

Original poster
MummyNic · 12/01/2012 15:52

It was nice and the sun was shining Smile
Didn't let her off the lead as she was slow & sticking to me. She's sleeping now.
Bless her, her breathing isn't far of normal but she's not right in herself. I'm torn with the desire to keep her as long as possible and the though that I couldn't bear it if she was in any pain.
What we do know is that she's got cancer in her nose. It won't go, it won't get better, eventually it'll get worse.
Luckily I do know that, having that knowledge means that I will be preventing pain if nothing else. Yes, she might go on for another couple of weeks but she's not quite herself and that's my message.
God I love her, she's only second to DS (don't tell DH Blush) but I wouldn't let him suffer either.
She's had a good life, thoroughly spoiled and she's been loved. That's all I can do now, show her my love Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyNic · 12/01/2012 20:35

Help... She's behaving totally normal. Only sign that anything is wrong is the awful snorting she's doing.
She's eating, drinking, tormenting a pigs ear as I write. Not showing signs of being unwell other than the snorting Confused
Head says: well she's never going to get better and you'll only have to go through this again. If you leave it she might end up in pain...
Heart says: way hey, let's keep her for a while longer... Confused
Only I can make the decision. Keep thinking of "better 2 weeks early than 1 day late, and I agree with that"
If I don't do it, she won't get better so why wait? She's not 100% right but she's not far off.... Arghhhhh

OP posts:
RedwingWinter · 12/01/2012 20:59

What does your vet think? You can ask their opinion about her current quality of life and how quickly things are likely to progress. Only you can decide when but I'm sure you will make the right decision for her.

I'm glad you had a good walk with her today and have this time to spend with her. She's obviously a much-loved dog and I'm sure she knows that. I know it's heart-breaking to have to make such a decision. Keep on spoiling her for now and take care of yourself too :)

Original poster
MummyNic · 12/01/2012 22:19

DH thinks she's improved too. She'll never recover but it may well not be the right time. Should have seen her with the pigs ear - burying it in her bed etc, just like the Moli I love Smile
Might take her to the vet and ask. I was tempted to today but DH said "don't be silly" but I think he wouldn't feel 100% about doing it.
Might give her a painkiller tonight & see how she gets on, got some left after her ops.
Feel like a right attention seeker!!

OP posts:
Scuttlebutter · 12/01/2012 22:49

No, this is always such a hard decision. I would really, really talk to your vet - they can advise. Also, even if she is having a little good spell, with cancer, dogs can go downhill incredibly quickly - by next week it might be a very different story. Talk to your vet tomorrow - they will understand completely and can tell you honestly about how much pain Moli may be in (dogs are so stoical we can overlook this) and how this will progress. Maybe there is scope for a more aggressive pain medication regime to give her a little more time? Nothing wrong with giving her a few more days if you think that's right, but you clearly love her so much - I can't believe you'd want to see your darling girl go downhill or suffer even a second of unnecessary pain. One of my closest friends went through this last year with one of her dogs, and I think made the right decision before the cancer was biting, if you see what I mean. There are no easy answers, but thinking of you.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 12/01/2012 22:53

Agree with Scuttle. There is no knowing when the tumour may get worse. But you can only talk to your vet.

horsemadmom · 13/01/2012 00:11

I had the same moment of doubt. The day before our Goldie was PTS, he brightened up and actually ate the perscription dog food. The next day was a different story as we came downstairs to find that he could not get to his feet. We had the option of starting the steroids and it might have bought him a week or so but the thought that it could all go bad very suddenly made the decision for us. I took some advice about what might happen if we allowed nature to take it's course and the possibilities were too awful.

Original poster
MummyNic · 13/01/2012 08:31

It's very hard as I feel it is simply the lump causing problems and I don't feel it's spread yet. At the moment it may as well be benign tbh. It's just a pain that it's where it is.
Going to ring vet and try and get her in today or Monday (evening appointment was good for her being put to sleep but not good time otherwise)
Really need an experts opinion.
Wouldn't avoid it if I thought for a moment that she was in pain. Even DH thinks she's not ill in herself...
So confusing!!!

OP posts:
frostyfingers · 13/01/2012 15:21

I hope she's still doing ok - you will know the right time. Please consider having the vet come to the house, rather than taking her to the surgery, especially since she's not keen on going. It will also be less traumatic for you, no stiff upper lip required in the surgery etc.

We took our lovely girl for a short walk with all the family 1/2 hour before the vet was due, I carried on the walk with our other dog and boys, and DH took the dog home to the garden where the vet was waiting and put her to sleep on the grass. When we got home we all said goodbye and buried her in the field. She wasn't traumatised or worried by going in the car, the vet brought her some sweeties and it was as peaceful as it could have been.

It's a hard, hard thing to do, but is something we owe them for all the kindness they bring us.

Original poster
MummyNic · 15/01/2012 11:24

She's not great now, gave her pain killers yesterday and she perked up. Which means she's I'm pain I guess!! Sad
Got a double appointment with vet tomorrow but I think that will be it. Gutted as DH won't be there Sad
I'm going away on Wed too so it'd have to wait until Fri and that's not fair.
Will see what vet thinks but in my heart I think this will be it.

OP posts:
higgle · 15/01/2012 11:33

My thoughts will be with you tomorrow, very sad. I have been a dog owner for over 30 years and have had to make this decision with 3 dogs over that time - it is so difficult to know when the time is right.

Elibean · 15/01/2012 16:11

I think you are wise to go with the Vet's advice, whatever that may be...but as you are going away, it does sound as though tomorrow may be the right time. I'm so sorry, I'll be thinking of you too Sad

RedwingWinter · 15/01/2012 17:31

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 15/01/2012 19:26

Please try not to put this off any longer. Your dog will be in pain, poor thing, they are so stoic that they try their best not to show it. Sad And you have had an 'extra' week with your lovely dog. This decision is such a hard one, but to me, it sounds like now is time to let her go gently.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow. (((unMN hug)))

picklesanne · 16/01/2012 07:48

Thinking of you today. xx

Original poster
MummyNic · 16/01/2012 09:31

DH isn't sure it's time but he's said "just go with what the vet says" which is what I plan.
I don't think the cancer has spread yet, it's still just the annoying nasal lump. But I feel she's not right... DH doesn't agree and thinks she's fine in herself Confused
I'll do what's right, if it's medication for a week to see them I'll do that, if it's goodbye, I'll do that. I'm content either way.
She needs a bloody good bath and groom and I do wonder if she'd feel better having that. She hasn't been groomed since falling ill as she's not a fan of the comb Blush
I just dont want to do anything unpleasant to her when her time is limited.
Still, I'm armed with info for vet so she can advise me xxx

OP posts:
Ephiny · 16/01/2012 10:15

I agree about asking the vet's advice. It's your decision in the end, but it's good to get a professional opinion.

horsemadmom · 16/01/2012 10:41

Thinking of you and here if you need to talk.