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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Time to say goodbye

166 replies

MummyNic · 08/01/2012 02:53

Some may recall my horror at finding out my little girl's (12 year old Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier) nasal issues (not being able to breathe through it) turned out to be cancer in her nasal passage. A very aggressive cancer which is growing on her soft palette and so can't be successfully removed.
Well, on the advice from the specialist, I had her operated on, to buy time, by removing the surface lump so she could breathe but not have invasive surgery.
It bought us my DS's 3rd birthday, my birthday, Christmas & New Year. About 1.5 to 2 months in all.
But her nasal passage is getting blocked again and tonight she's having to breathe through her mouth more than her nose... It's time :(
Do I do it on Monday or Friday?
I'm going away with work on Tuesday until Wednesday evening, hate the thought of missing time with her but.. If I wait until Friday I could ask for Thursday off to spend the day, alone, with my darling girl. But.. Friday is my sisters birthday... Should I wait until Saturday?
She's still eating & drinking, wags her tail etc. but it's bothering her. Oh God, I know this is it, do I delayit a week or admit defeat and book her in?
If its Monday then my DH won't be able to be there.
Maybe Thursday is the day, in the afternoon...
Bollocks.

OP posts:
louby86 · 20/01/2012 11:36

Will be thinking of you all today x

Original poster
MummyNic · 20/01/2012 11:57

Going to lift her on to our bed and cuddle up for a couple of hours. She's definitely more comfortable now thank goodness.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByaBear · 20/01/2012 12:57

Sad Sad Sad

Believe me, the pain will be easier when she is at peace.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 20/01/2012 12:57

Your pain I mean.

Scuttlebutter · 20/01/2012 13:11
Sad

Thinking of you today.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 20/01/2012 13:17

oh Mummynic, thinking of you today. Sad

Original poster
MummyNic · 20/01/2012 21:21

She's gone Sad
Was the most horrific time of my life Sad
DH broke down when we got there.
Moli was sedated and, once it took effect, lay on a towel in front of me. All was well until the vet tried to get a canular in. Took 3 attempts in different legs until he managed to get a rabbit one in.. The sedation had lowered her blood pressure so much that the veins were collapsing Sad
I was worried as we were running out of legs and asked the vet what might happen, he said he'd have to inject her in the heart Sad
That god it didn't come to that but it made it lengthy and unpleasant.
Thankfully, Moli was well under as she only trusts me to touch her hands & feet, anyone else gets a warning and a vet gets a growl Wink but she didn't flinch at all, so I know she wasn't aware of the 3 attempts.
Utterly at ease and content with doing it mentally. Emotionally I just want to curl up and hide from the world Sad
I'm already looking for her, aching for her. It's the routine things that'll be the hardest.

RIP Moli, the brightest star is you, always x

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyNic · 20/01/2012 21:22

He had to use the smallest canular in the end due to the collapsing veins, hence using a rabbit one. Bless my beautiful girl Sad

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 20/01/2012 21:36

Im sorry mummynic so very sorry for your loss. There are no words that I can say that will ease the pain, but I am here if you want to chat, as are the others in the Doghouse.

The old cliche of time helping is true, the pain does ease, but never truly leaves.

Be kind to yourself and just grieve. ((hug))

bumpybecky · 20/01/2012 21:52

I'm so very sorry :(

Be gentle to yourself for the next few days and weeks. It's completely normal to burst into tears at odd moments, but it will get easier :(

Original poster
MummyNic · 20/01/2012 22:08

Thank you, I'm struggling at the moment. The kitchen looks wrong without her bowls and one of her beds. Her other bed is next to my side of the bed and I often stroke her during the night.
It's going to be so difficult Sad

OP posts:
zonedout · 20/01/2012 22:32

I am so very very sorry. She sounded like a truly wonderful doggy. In time, may you find comfort in your memories Sad my heart goes out to you.

Original poster
MummyNic · 20/01/2012 22:54

She was amazing. Utterly cuddly and gorgeous. An amazing temperament (except when it came to vets Wink), some cheeky / funny traits and a tolerance of children that, even when in pain with cancer, had no limits.
I shall miss squidgy bum, wheaten whirls, leg shagging Blush and being "asked" to get her a treat. I'll miss our cuddles and kisses the most though Sad

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elastamum · 20/01/2012 22:58

Hi MummyNic, Am so sorry for you. It is so sad to lose such a loving and loved memeber of your family. Am thinking of you x

crazynanna · 20/01/2012 22:59

Oh MummyNic I am so sorry. No words eh? She's at peace now..no pain.

She sounded a cracker Smile

niknakpaddywhack · 20/01/2012 23:06

Sad so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like she had a wonderful life with you.

MrsJasonBourne · 20/01/2012 23:11

Have read this all the way through and am in tears.

So sorry for you MummyNic. Am dreading the day when the time comes for my Boy. If I get half the support and lovely words you've had on here it will make it more bearable. Just remember her as she was, and take the time to grieve.

louby86 · 21/01/2012 00:09

So sorry for your loss Sad

Original poster
MummyNic · 21/01/2012 00:33

Can't sleep for crying, not handling this well at all, despite the 2 month knowledge that it'd happen soon :(
It's aggravated by a lack of sleep (was up most of the night with her last night) and the fact that I came on a couple of days ago so am in a lot of pain, physically.
DH is asleep now but he said that he'd never felt grief like this for anyone. I said that I haven't either, but she was immediate family regardless of not walking on 2 legs. She is second only to DS in our hearts and so it's like losing a child. Let's face it, before having DS (especially as I didn't expect to be able to have any children) she was our child and we treated her as such.

Have just been looking at photos of her, smiling away, it's like she's still here. I guess she always will be as she'll be in my memories forever.

Really wish there was some sort of helpline I could cry to dials speaking clock

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horsemadmom · 21/01/2012 01:19

We are your helpline and we are here for you.
I understand your grief completely. It was weeks before I stopped bursting into tears and not until we got the MadLab that I could set foot in the park across from our house as I just couldn't look at people enjoying their dogs. Even now I get the odd twinge when I see a Golden Retriever. Also avoided coming home after the school run as the empty house set me off. A close friend was perceptive enough to clock this and started coming home with me.
It will get better.
For now, allow yourself to feel it. You won't go mad with grief. I think it's just a way of washing away all your conflicted feelings- all the stuff that happened while she was ill. What you are left with at the end of this dark tunnel is the thousands of happy memories.
You did the right thing at the right time.Moli wouldn't have been aware of the problems with her veins. She was already crossing the bridge and running on healthy legs towards the field.....

bumpybecky · 21/01/2012 01:20

((((MummyNic)))

we lost our lovely girl almost a year ago now. I know how hard it is :( I'd never really lost anyone close to me before. The tears have got to come out before you can move on. If you're managing to look at photos and smile then it sounds like you're handling things very well indeed.

Please keep posting here if you find it helpful. I know I did last January :(

Original poster
MummyNic · 21/01/2012 01:45

Thank you. Means so much to have this support. I'm almost mad at DH for his ability to sleep!!
I feel upset that she'll probably be kept at the hospital until she's picked up by cremation service on Monday, I worry she'll be lonely. Bloody daft isn't it?
She does make me smile as I can remember each photo being taken. I had such pride in her, it was an honour to be her companion.
But it's a very dark place in my head at the moment, I'm grateful I have a nutter 3 yo to keep me busy tomorrow, I fear the nights will be awful. Especially as she & I had a bedtime routine for nearly 13 years (only 'the last wee', 'get fresh water for bedroom' & 'stroke & cuddle' stuff).
Might sleep on the sofa tonight :(
I saw a Rough Collie today, just like my childhood dog, Milo. Maybe he was sending me a message of support.

OP posts:
ohbugrit · 21/01/2012 01:47

Sorry for your loss :(

The Blue Cross have a pet bereavement helpline, see here www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/pet-bereavement-support-service.html

Original poster
MummyNic · 21/01/2012 01:54

Thank you, I shall ring them tomorrow. Really appreciate that xx

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyNic · 21/01/2012 03:03

I lost a treasured friend today
The little dog who used to lay
Her gentle head upon my knee
And share her silent thoughts with me...

She'll come no longer to my call
Retrieve no more her favorite ball
A voice far greater than my own
Has called her to His golden throne.

Although me eyes are filled with tears,
I thank Him for the happy years
He let her spend down here with me
And for her love and loyalty.

When it is time for me to go
And join her there, this much I know...
I shall not fear the transient dark
For she will greet with her bark

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