Time to say goodbye

[MummyNic]

Some may recall my horror at finding out my little girl's (12 year old Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier) nasal issues (not being able to breathe through it) turned out to be cancer in her nasal passage. A very aggressive cancer which is growing on her soft palette and so can't be successfully removed.
Well, on the advice from the specialist, I had her operated on, to buy time, by removing the surface lump so she could breathe but not have invasive surgery.
It bought us my DS's 3rd birthday, my birthday, Christmas & New Year. About 1.5 to 2 months in all.
But her nasal passage is getting blocked again and tonight she's having to breathe through her mouth more than her nose... It's time :(
Do I do it on Monday or Friday?
I'm going away with work on Tuesday until Wednesday evening, hate the thought of missing time with her but.. If I wait until Friday I could ask for Thursday off to spend the day, alone, with my darling girl. But.. Friday is my sisters birthday... Should I wait until Saturday?
She's still eating & drinking, wags her tail etc. but it's bothering her. Oh God, I know this is it, do I delayit a week or admit defeat and book her in?
If its Monday then my DH won't be able to be there.
Maybe Thursday is the day, in the afternoon...
Bollocks.

2 weeks on and I collected her ashes today
Thought I'd be ok as I haven't cried for a few days but I wasn't, it broke my heart
It is lovely to have her back though, back home with the people who love her.
Thought I heard her scratching at the door the other day, maybe she did, telling me to go & get her.
God bless you Moli, I love you xxx

really cried when we collected the ashes too :(

not helped by ds (then just 3) who had thought we were going to collect the dog from the vet so was really confused as to why we had a box :(:(

we've still not scattered her ashes and it's a year and a week today, I still cry when I find her hidden in her corner in the kitchen!

sorry, that wasn't meant to be all about me! I just meant that I think it's normal to cry when collecting the ashes and I also get a little comfort knowing she's still with us at home :)

MN and BB,
I cried when I picked up the ashes too! I collected them on the way to get DD2 and talked to the box and wept. DD joined in the tears when she spotted that the box had Goldie's name on it. I had hoped she wouldn't notice it....
I think the scattering was very cathartic. We did wait a couple of months to do it but the time suddenly felt right.

Have struggled this weekend. Have regressed in my "recovery". Have been very tearful, keep hearing her and generally aching to cuddle her.

Not doing well at all

Maybe I'm due on, maybe I'm getting a cold (DS has one & my throat is sore), I'll take vitamins and evening primrose oil. Hopefully that'll perk me up. But 3 weeks on and I feel rather raw again

Insurance company sent through a condolence letter with a support line. Might ring them tomorrow. I'm due a good cry I think.

oh god, what a sad thread, I knew it was going to be when i clicked on it, but having read it to the end, i have tears running down my cheeks!

It has brought back the memory of losing my boy last year. I know how you are feeling OP, and time will heal the pain, but you will always miss your little dog, but the pain will fade. x

Thank you, it's been an awful time and I'm really struggling at the moment. I'm trying to keep busy but I miss my girl do blooming much.
So much pain yet so much joy in the years we had her.

Do you have other dogs? I was lucky enough to have 3 together, so although I missed my boy so much i felt physical pain,, i found comfort in the other 2.
Keep remembering the lovely times you have had, and although it is upsetting, you will know you gave her the best possible life, which is all any dog could ask for.

I can't remember exactly when things got easier, but gradually they do. It took a good couple of months for me to stop the daily snivelling, but it will get better x

Thank you
No other pets, just DH & DS (do they count?!!).
I've taken up housework as a distraction, it works some of the time but as I clean I start thinking...
It's only been 3.5 weeks but I'm feeling the physical pain again

Bless our sleeping friends xxxx

MummyN

(((HUGS)))

I know how you feel. I lost my girl last September, and it is horrible. She had been my shadow, and my best friend, for nearly 13 years. She was there for me for some of the happiest times and some of the worst times of my life.

I still wake up some days and cannot believe she's not here. The house doesn't feel the same, everything is different. I find myself double taking, to 'check' the places she laid, when I know she won't be there, I think old habits die hard. (Excuse the awful 'pun').

We have an old boy, who is just as lost without her as we are, if not more so. He suddenly seems to have 'aged', even though we are doing all the things we always did, it's as if a bit of 'life' has gone out of him too.

It has been 5 months, and I think it's like any bereavement, you just learn to live with it a little bit more every day. It doesn't necessarily get 'better', you just find yourself getting on with life, because you have to.

Don't make yourself feel worse by feeling bad about struggling. Grief takes time. I don't think you realise until they are gone how much you 'take for granted' that they are in your life, and it's only when they are gone that you HAVE to face up to the reality that they are not. It was only in the weeks after we lost our girl, that I realised, I had never given any thought to her not being here with us. Never. Which is silly, as we all know we will outlive our animals.

Remember her, and think of her with lots of love. It does get 'better', but no-one can tell you when that will be, and nor should anyone. It's a very personal thing. I think myself, my DH, and my DCs all miss and remember my old girl for different reasons. Me, I lost my best friend. So I don't worry about what people will think, because she deserves to be remembered with love. Eventually you will think of her and smile. Puppy days, and silly things she did, naughty things she did...

Sorry, this turned into a bit of an epic...

Oh that made me cry
You put it perfectly. I keep looking for her, checking the usual places.
I do remember her with love and laugh at her habits (ear licking in particular), she was my best friend and saw me sobbing, laughing, screaming... She never judged me, just loved me.
I think I'm a little traumatised by the end bit. The vet couldn't get a canular in until the 3rd go (3rd leg). It drew out a long, unpleasant, process just that bit more

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. All of you have been fantastic

Sorry to make you cry, MummyN. I didn't mean to, I meant to make you feel a bit better !

I think the end bit is always awful. For my girl, she had been getting a bit wobbly on her back legs, but was still getting about, just needed help getting up the stairs to bed. Then one morning she didn't follow me down, but was laying at the top of the stairs, panting and watching me. I went up and helped her down, and she was staggering, but managing, you know ? Then in the garden she collapsed, so I brought her in and put a comfy duvet down for her to lay on. She seemed to improve and was managing to get about, but after day 3 she just seemed to be losing all mobility. It looks like she had had a stroke, she was having massive trouble trying to go to the loo, and eventually on day 4 I 'helped' her to go, she did a massive poo, and that really seemed to lift her spirits. I spent the whole week laying on a blow up bed next to her in our bedroom, helping her to have a drink and a wee of a night.

We spent every night watching her like hawks, and I slept with one hand on her so that I could 'feel' her breathing, you know ? She really did seem to rally, but was off her food, and every conceivable treat was being turned down, which was very unusual. On evening 6 she made huge efforts to sit up and 'talked' to us a bit, which she hadn't done for a couple of days, and then she decided that actually, a bit of ice-cream was worth the effort of getting up !

We went to bed feeling like she had turned a corner, and then as we lay in the dark, she sat up all by herself and was 'talking' again. She didn't want anything, she was just 'talking', you know ? The following morning I got up, and within 2 minutes she had done another HUGE and I mean HUGE (!) poo. By the time my DH had carried her to her bed downstairs, she was going. I had lay with her for ages during the week telling her that if it was time to go she could, and this time, as I said it and cuddled her, she let go. It was as 'nice' a death as she could have asked for, all of us were with her. I was in absolute bits, I held her till she was cold, kissing her and stroking her. I just couldn't believe she was gone. It's almost as if the night before she had had her very favourite treat, and said good-bye, it's as if she knew, you know like they say people do ? It's like she held on for that whole week actually, so that we could prepare for letting her go, and say good-bye properly.

As awful as it was to see her like that, I am glad that we had that last week with her, she was the dog in a million and I am glad that we had that time with her. I don't know if I could have ever made that call to a vet, DH and I chatted over the week about should we get a vet, but she seemed to be rallying, we sort of didn't know what to do for the best. I think in the end she let go when she was ready, having let us all say good-bye.

I always think it's probably worse for people who have to make that call, or take a beloved pet to the vets, knowing what's coming. I know they say it is the last kindness and bit of love you can give, but I can only imagine the heartbreak you must feel.

I think you have to console yourself that you did do the last thing you could for her, I'm sure that she wasn't in any pain, but I completely understand how frustrating and painful it must have been to see. Oh, they do leave us with heavy hearts, don't they ?

I know it may be a bit early for you, for some people it is inconceivable, and for others it's an immediate thing, but have you given any thought to another pup/dog yet ? Of course another one won't ever replace your girl, but it may be something to research, prepare for, and eventually look forward to ? No pressure, I was just wondering how you felt about it ?

(((HUGS))) MrsDB xxx

Sorry. Another epic.

Crying again
That was a lovely read and reminds my of my childhood dog, Milo. He was much the same but my mum had the vet come to our house to put him to sleep. He was a Rough Collie so was rather heavy to carry outside and mum decided it was the kindest thing. I still cry for him too.

DH is looking at other dogs but I'm in too much pain to even consider it tbh. I feel she is utterly irreplaceable and, whilst I'd never say never, I couldn't do it just yet.

It was hard work in the end. I fought so hard to get her better: going to vet, going to specialist. Cleaning up blood and poo from the colitis she had after the 2nd op... DH (as usual ) did none of the hard work.
All the worry and care was very much mine. Probably unfair of me to say that but DH just got angry that she had accidents in the house at night. I got angry with him for his anger

She got over the colitis and was ok until the very end when she refused to eat. No treats, nothing for a whole week.

I'm still exhausted from it all I guess and I think I'd resent looking after a puppy right now. It was me who did all the toilet training etc before so I need to have my mojo back a bit.

Haven't rung the helpline yet but I must do it, I'm obviously in need of extra support. DH says he's fine about it (he broke his heart when it happened). I think, because she was more "mine" and I have been on maternity leave and then part time for 3.5 years, I spent more time with her. So glad I had that extra time.

Your posts are so lovely thank you x

Oh bless you, MummyN.

I think that's why I was so close to my girl, because I was with her all day, every day, did all the training etc. We learnt it all together !

I think it must be a man thing with the getting angry with the accidents. I have lost count of the number of times my DH whinges about the wee, and I just say "look, if you get to 80-odd and can't make it to the loo in time, no-one will bloody tell you off". I have cleared up more dog wee and poo than I care to remember, and shall be doing it for years more ! That's what gets me, they whine about the mess, but who clears it up !

I completely understand how you feel about not even thinking about another dog yet. I was just like you, for the best part of 3 months. When my girl died I swore that no way was I ever having another female, and no way was I going to get as attached. Funny how time changes things...

I don't know if it has just 'come' at the right time, but we knew that we didn't want another of the current breed we have, and we knew what breed we wanted. Having spent the past couple of months doing loads of research and talking to breeders, owners, etc, buying as many breed books as I could, I have had a phone call today to tell me there is a pup for me if I would like. After all the discussions, I have decided that against all my initial feelings, we will be the proud owners of a female in about 9 weeks !

I am nervous, excited, and terrified ! I have also decided that she will never be called certain nicknames, as they belonged to my old girl, daft as that may sound.

It's a bit weird too...my girl's birthday was the 7th of March, and when I initially spoke to the breeder, she mentioned that she had pups due around 6th February...and then thought to myself "bet the pups will be born the 7th"...but I was wrong....my girl died on the 10th September, and the pups were born last Friday, the 10th February ! 5 months exactly since my girl went. I'm a bit weird anyway, but maybe she had sent another girlie to us ? Just a bit "ooooohhhh"

I am convinced that I won't get as attached to the new addition as I was to my girl, that may be because she was my first, I don't know ? But I will love new girlie very much, and if she can fill a little hole in my ol' boy's heart, then all the better.

I can't tell you when it will feel 'right', you may be having a nose online and a pup will melt your heart, or you will feel that you can allow another one into your home and heart.

I am also doing it for my DCs. We had the dogs before them, so they have never experienced the 'puppy' thing. They don't know for sure that we are getting a pup, I have just said it is a possibility. I just think that at their ages, they are the perfect ages to help with training (and wee/poo cleaning !) and I can't wait for them to experience the joy a puppy brings. And getting older with a dog too, you know ? Having said that, I am setting them up for a fall aren't I ? We are on a bereaved thread ! Oops...

Take your time, MummyN. You will know when the time is right, if ever. In the meantime, if you do want to chat, you can always pm me, if you want. I don't think anyone can tell you 'how' to grieve, or 'get over' your loss. You do really just have to do it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

I do know how you are feeling, and I feel for you. Just be reassured that one day you will wake up and feel a bit better, and maybe even think with relief, "yes, no wee to clear up". Then you go a bit mad like me, and think "hmm, a pup would be nice, I'll start the whole cycle again".

xxx

That last message was lovely and I'm sorry I didn't reply, I cry when I read the messages
I'm on again as I'm in tears again. I'm just having a manic tidy (MIL flying down to see us tomorrow night)... Found the consent form for her to have Tramadol on her final day. It was to buy the day so DH could be there. She was so ill those last 24 hours, not really in pain but so bloody uncomfortable from the tumour that she couldn't lie down. Breaks my heart thinking about it.
I'm so upset and angry, I want to scream!

ARGHHHHHHHH

JUST LET ME CUDDLE HER ONE MORE TIME