Time to say goodbye

[MummyNic]

Some may recall my horror at finding out my little girl's (12 year old Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier) nasal issues (not being able to breathe through it) turned out to be cancer in her nasal passage. A very aggressive cancer which is growing on her soft palette and so can't be successfully removed.
Well, on the advice from the specialist, I had her operated on, to buy time, by removing the surface lump so she could breathe but not have invasive surgery.
It bought us my DS's 3rd birthday, my birthday, Christmas & New Year. About 1.5 to 2 months in all.
But her nasal passage is getting blocked again and tonight she's having to breathe through her mouth more than her nose... It's time :(
Do I do it on Monday or Friday?
I'm going away with work on Tuesday until Wednesday evening, hate the thought of missing time with her but.. If I wait until Friday I could ask for Thursday off to spend the day, alone, with my darling girl. But.. Friday is my sisters birthday... Should I wait until Saturday?
She's still eating & drinking, wags her tail etc. but it's bothering her. Oh God, I know this is it, do I delayit a week or admit defeat and book her in?
If its Monday then my DH won't be able to be there.
Maybe Thursday is the day, in the afternoon...
Bollocks.

What a lovely poem. So sorry you are suffering like this, but you know that Moli is at peace. How do you prounounce her name by the way?

Big hugs.

So sorry for your loss :( My dog is only 6 months old and I'm already dreading the day when I have to say goodbye. Be kind to yourself x

I'm so sorry, MummyNic

I think the first phase for me, when our old boy went, was shock...disbelief...its almost harder than the sadness. Please be very kind to yourself, and I hope Moli visits you in your dreams to reassure and love you some more.

RIP Moli

Thanks. I'm in a terrible state today, just want to drive to hospital to get her
I know she's free of pain now and it was, absolutely, the right thing to do.
I just miss her and want her here.

It's pronounced Molly, spelt Moli in honour of Milo (my childhood dog).

You'd think, as an adult, we'd handle grief better! But it's a raw emotion and we just can't.
It's the bedroom, she hid from DS there when she needed quiet and it's where she slept. She spent her last few weeks in there a lot. I keep looking for her

((((MummyNic))))

I cried for weeks when my boy died. I'd had him for 13 years, and he'd seen me through some rough times - which I think added to the wrench. They are special friends, aren't they, easy to trust and trusting in return...very special, uncomplicated kind of relationship.

I'm glad you're giving your bereavement the space it deserves xxx

Oh, MummyNic. :( So so sorry for your loss. I've just read through this and it brought having our cat pts this past summer back to me in vivid detail. It was my first 'hard decision' and I thought I was ready, was completely blown away by the intensity of the grief afterwards.

I am thinking of you and your Moli.

So sorry to hear this :(. Remember she's at peace now though, no more pain.

Give yourself time to grieve, it's normal to feel this way - she was your beloved girl and yes part of your family.

So unfair that they can only be with us such a short time :(

I agree, if they've seen you through some bad times it makes it worse. She certainly saw me through a couple of dreadful times, most recently was severe PND for the first year of DSs life.
But she was always there, even when u was curled in a corner crying. Forever my friend and companion, ready to lick my tears away.
We had some lovely times too, cuddles on the floor, bed & sofa. Such special times that only an animal can give you.

I can't fight this grief, it's too strong. I'll try not to cry much in front of DS but I will cry, she earned every tear.

I am glad she's not in pain anymore, she had nearly 13 years with us and it was filled with love for her.

It is the most honest of loves, like that with a baby / toddler. There are no hurtful words or actions, just mutual love a respect. You never have that purity with an adult.

Love you Princess Moli x

When I was curled up ^ bloody phone

The vet in The Daily Telegraph was answering a question about why some animals live much shorter lifespans - like a mouse and an elephant. Some say it is to do with the number of heartbeats. But the vet said he had a better answer as to why dogs live a much shorter life than humans. It is because when we are born we have to learn how to truly love, but that dogs are born already knowing how to.

That's a lovely sentiment, Exit. Nothing purer than the love of a dog.

Took DS to my parents today, had to get out. I had the opportunity to lie down for an hour, I had a little cry and fell asleep.
Our home is so empty without her and her stuff
Have just printed off 2 pictures of her and popped them in doggy frames.
I overheard DS say to my mum "Moli is my best friend"
But he hasn't asked where she is yet... So we are going to talk to him tomorrow:
We will tell him she was very poorly and has gone to heaven where she is all well and running around.
Going to give him one of the pictures (both of them lying in her bed) and say she asked us to give him that to remember her.
By chance, DH bought him a balance bike which arrived this week. We are about to build it and say that it is a goodbye present from Moli, she wanted to give him his first bike.
Fingers crossed x

Still thinking of you today. Your posts are bringing tears to my eyes and bringing back the memories of my first wonderful dog who died 6 years ago. I can still remember the overwhelming grief of losing her like it was yesterday. I still miss her desperately.

I have a really lovely book which I bought partly in anticipation of our very old doggy nearing the end and wanting to prepare my dc's a little. Your ds may be a little young but it is called 'heaven' and, IMO it is a really moving but helpful book. I forget who the author is but can check in the morning if you are interested.

Yes please, that's really kind of you. I've heard of one called "goodbye Mog", the nursery have read it to him a few times and talked about the circle of life etc.
Was planning on going to church tomorrow but I'm too fragile. Will ring vicar and ask them to pray for her.

I'm so overwhelmed by the grief, I know I loved her, I know she was my world before DS came along but I thought the distraction of DS would make it less intense. Not one little bit
Just shows your love isn't diluted by another family member coming along, it's just as deep for each and every one

Morning mummynic. How are you feeling this morning? My first precious doggy died when ds1 was a baby. The grief I felt was overwhelming and definitely not diluted by having my pfb. So I do understand what you are saying.

Just came back to tell you that the book I was talking about is 'Heaven' by Nicholas Allen.

Still raw but I managed some sleep finally.
Have told DS this morning. His lip wobbled when we said he wouldn't be able to see her again
DH was great... Blubbering in the kitchen while I did it!!!
He's now got a great balance bike, from Moli, and hasn't got off it yet. He gave the photo of her a kiss to say thank you

Thank you for the book info, will check it out.

I remembered to NOT let her out for wee this morning so I think I'm in the "accepting" stage.... Really thought about how she was at the end, as I was trying to sleep, it was the best thing for her, probably delayed a day by my not being here. She was very uncomfortable.
Out home will never be quite right without her

Our home ^

So sad for your loss, this thread is making me cry. I used to know a Wheaten terrier, he was such a character.

I was going to recommend Heaven, but see someone else has. It's a lovely book and perfect for your ds.

We lost our wonderful dog in August and I miss her every day.

Thank you, they have fantastic personalities, remain puppy-like right to the end
But that's what confused the vet on Monday I think.
I'm glad we did wait until Friday though, I'd have been a mess at work last week if I didn't have a few days to get my head together.
I'm going to be delicate for some time but I hope the raw devastation might have eased by Tuesday.
I've "only" cried 3 times today. Helps to know my DS is now aware, don't have to worry about crying in front of him (as long as I don't get hysterical and scream "WHY?" at him )

God I miss her, my eyes are puffy and sore, I'm tired, I'm grumpy and I'm on... But she wouldn't care, she loved me regardless

Ah poo
My mum popped round and rang the door bell... No barking

DH has just come home from work (called in unexpectedly) and DS picked up Moli's photo, climb up on DH's lap and kissed the picture & said "thank you for my bike Moli"
He's been off & on the bike all day.

Guess my chat sank in then, good to know. He's had an angry edge to him today but I've let it pass and played with him. Think he does understand.

Hang in there. It will take time but things will even out in a couple of weeks. You handled DS very well.
Always here for you. XXX

Thanks, means the world to have support and be able to express all my thoughts and feelings. DH is very tearful, that breaks my heart too...

I think it's lovely that your DH is upset (although not lovely that it had to happen of course). When we had to let go of our cat I was a mess, and DH didn't seem bothered at all. Made me feel very silly and very lonely. :(

I know exactly what you mean, it's nice that we have each other to lean on.

(((MummyNic))) more hugs from me. I'm in tears again reading this! it's horrible isn't it. I missed our 'dogbell' too, ended up going to the sorting office a couple of times as I didn't hear the normal bell!