Should I marry a murderer? Netflix

[IAmKerplunk]

Has anyone watched this? I have just finished it. Honestly I feel mixed about Caroline. Don’t want to say too much in case others haven’t finished it.

I remember the story being reported but didn’t know how much else went on in the lead up to the trial.

I've just finished watching it.

I applaud Caroline. I actually saw a lot of me in her, I empathise with her at every step. I dont think I'd have done the drink and drugs thing but who knows, I've never been in that situation. The police were appalling. And when it was said 'We shouldn't have had to take her for support, she's intelligent' honestly what a load of crap. I agree that she wasn't fitting their profile of a victim. Being intelligent, having a qualification no matter what it is in does not set you apart from others in how something affects you. Nor does it mean you know everything about everything. Being a medical professional doesn't mean she'd know she's entitled to support.

Yes the unfeeling arrogance of that statement that because she was a doctor she should magically know what support was available was just awful. The police messed up hugely.

They really didn't know who they were dealing with and once the police officer accidentally told Sandy Caroline was the informant, she could easily have been killed. He did seem to really love her, so didn't do that, but the police didn't know that.

The police seemed to only care about solving past crimes not protecting people who hadn't been harmed yet from obvious risks. They also didn't protect her parents.

Yes exactly. Especially given the situation she was in, she wouldn't have been thinking straight and I think she'd said she'd already asked for support and been told none was available. No matter how intelligent or otherwise someone is, they need support and shouldn't be expected to know how police systems work if they'd never had any dealings with them before.

Yes, that stood out for me too. She was a lot more vulnerable than they decided she was, had she been killed we'd be hearing all the 'lessons have been learned' talk. It may sound odd but it reminded me of when one of Dahmer's victims went for help and was sent back into his house by the police.

Caroline was just lucky that he appeared to be in too much of a love-fog (I agree he did really love her) to heed what had been said. His Brother knew or at least suspected but chose to believe him! She was very 'lucky' in that sense. What a stupid thing to say.

They were awful. I am almost glad she has no faith in them any longer.

I have to be careful not to generalise; yet, as I age, see more, learn more, I find the system that is the Police and therefore the people within it absolutely terrifying.

The Dahmer situation; the 14 year old boy of immigrant descent you're thinking of, Dahmer battered his older sibling before he killed that 14 year old too. One judge praised Dahmer before all his crimes came to light when sentencing for something else, saying how much potential he has and reminded him if his own grandson ffs.

The OJ Simpson case fell apart for many reasons, a huge one being the blatant, recorded and evidenced racist and cruel views of the leading detective - presented to the Jury, and on the back of the Rodney King Police battering.

The Rachel Nickell murder and all the horrors of Police incompetence still not available to the public today.

All the race related cases in the media at present; it's corruption and whatever else feeding the machine simply in another format now.

I believe now that bloody morons, sociopaths and psychopaths are drawn to these institutions. Yes they're everywhere I know.

In this case, because she's a woman, the truth of most mens mindset was the default problem ( mysogny)and add that they are working in the system that is the Police, it's no wonder she was left to fend for herself.

Would I go out my way and put myself at risk knowing what I do now, no. I do have a problem with the bystander effect however so doing nothing would be difficult. The note sounds like the only viable option. We know some moron would open it, screw it up and play dustbin basketball with it unfortunately.

Well thanks for that opportunity to rant this evening.... 😆

Just watched this and I really feel like giving her a shake.
The poor Parson family.
She is a total nightmare. All she cared about was herself. She makes all the right noises but she is so drugged up.
It made me so annoyed.
The police are always useless in all these documentary. Im surprised they ever catch anyone.

This series was wild

i have watched a documentary about the missing man and at the end they say the murderers partner came forward. That was it! I never expected this element of
the story

she was very brave but at the same
time, made some odd decisions.

But the police offered her no help and protection. What would have happened if they hadn’t found the body? Would she have carried on the relationship?

and she filmed herself all
the time. How odd!

I'm an ex police civilian too.

Which cements my (& your!) View unfortunately. There are some awful men people in the police.

Have you seen 'Four Lives'? Another awful example of police incompetence.
Men are very competitive too. And unfortunately recognition/status/bonuses! Are often more important to the worst ones than doing what is morally right.

I wonder if he targeted her deliberately. When they matched on Tinder or wherever it would probably have been easy for him to find out what she did for a living.
It seems coincidental that a person with a decomposed body to hide would fall in love with a pathologist - what are the chances?
I think he must be a very cold person. The cyclist was not killed instantly. How did they live knowing that.
If you met someone who made an awful choice to drink drive and killed a person but stayed at the scene, called for help and served their time maybe you would work through that but what they did was truly horrific.
I think she was vulnerable and he thought he could use her to help him .

Some things I think people are missing and misunderstanding about Caroline:

• I see a lot of childhood trauma. She feels so utterly unloved, her parents seem stuck up and cold,mostly (not completely, but mostly) caring about the appearances. It seems like she was worried about being a disappointment to them when her previous relationship ended- that is not a supportive environment everyone seems to be saying she had. The mum and dad only became emotional when talking about her using drugs, probably because it was so embarrassing.
• the above explains Caroline going back to Sandy again and again; she says she went somewhere where ‘she felt actually loved’. This is how toxic and abusive or just ‘dodgy’ relationships work- being loved by a killer might seem better than not being loved.
• the above also feeds into her weird behaviour of filming herself a lot (especially when she became so incredibly isolated). She was filming snaps and not sending them to anyone! She had no one to send them to, she feelt so utterly alone the only face she could talk to was her own face with Snapchat filters. That is desperation.
• also, I have three versions of why she didn’t attend trial and can’t decide between them: 1. She was actually having a breakdown and the whole waterfall things was psychotic 2. She wanted to do more for the prosecution with evidence, since they hadn’t believed her words alone previously 3. She couldn’t bare to put the nail in the coffin of Sandy’s life since she was the one who had reported him in the first place 4. She said a lot about being discredited and losing her job: this is that childhood trauma of being seen as credible, reliable, good enough by the parents. She couldn’t bare the thought of her every sin and every vice being dragged in public 5. She might have been able to predict that they would lessen the charge without her testimony

overall, I have so much empathy for her just wanted to give her a big hug throughout.

Well said and totally agree 👏

I’m going to suggest something somewhat controversial that I don’t think has already been mentioned. I grew up in a very rural hamlet and now live in a village, but I’ve never been involved in any ‘country pursuits’.

I remain deeply suspicious of anyone who experiences enjoyment from killing things and believes it is a fun and legitimate way to spend their leisure time.

Obviously I have to be very careful about who I express my views to, as in our friendship group there are two or three men who go shooting, my boss’s much loved Dad was a gamekeeper and MIL is from a farming background, but DH (who has guns) knows full well that if he ever shot anything other than clays, I would not think him the same person any more. It is one of my red lines. I would also caution my daughters about getting involved with anyone who hunts or shoots.

These men grew up seeing violence enacted on animals, which I think must have desensitised them to Tony Parsons’ suffering. Caroline reminded me very much of an old friend of mine who lurched from one drama to another and was eventually treated with lithium. Just because she was a doctor and a professional, doesn’t mean her personal life would not have been chaotic.

Yes. I too think these twins didn't have the usual upbringing being raised on that farming estate and killing animals from quite a young age.

I agree with this. She seemed like an over excited Labrador puppy desperate for affection. I believed their intense love story and agree that there is definitely some childhood trauma in Caroline’s background (even if it’s ‘just’ the mute / cold Dad) - so it must have been devastating for her to blow up her romance. I think she looked like a fun person to be friends with - maybe a bit erratic and chaotic but lots of energy and loyal. I hope she is doing well. Do we know if she has children, in a relationship and/or still working in medicine?

I would hope she has been struck off, if only for the drug-taking and total lack of judgement.

She hasn't renewed her medical license and no longer works as a doctor.

Sad to think about given all the hard work she put in to become one.

Pathologists have to have good relationships with the police as part of their jobs so I can see how she would have thought there was no way to continue.

I've just finished watching this now, and have caught up with the thread.

I'm shocked at some of the more critical posts about Caroline. She was clearly going through a crises after an extremely painful relationship break-up and made a questionable, impulsive choice getting together with Sandy. And then I think her head just got completely wrecked.

The smarmy, sneery "friend" did mention that she would previously never have touched drugs, and that her home was always immaculate, so that is evidence of her mental deterioration.

Yes the constant filming, filters etc may bit odd and make her seem less likeable, but that is irrelevant.

What is relevant is that thanks to her, a family have closure about their loved one. No-one in that cowardly community was going to put their neck on the line to bring the twins to justice, clearly.

I can see why she stayed with him - firstly, she was in a hell of a position, having to grass up a man capable of really scary, lethal behaviour. I can totally see why appeasing him and allaying his suspicions by staying with him seemed in her stressed state like the easiest option. Also, that "in love" feeling" is a hell of a drug, and that would have been a factor.
Either way, she wouldn't have known the location of the body had she not continued her relationship with him.

The police were appalling towards her, no care for her, and actively endangered her on more than one occassion (the policewoman at the flat, telling a friend of the twins about the Red Bull can). The blame for her non-appearance in court lies mainly with them.

I also think the "friend" had been in love with her, not the other way round, and was bitter at being friendzoned.

A lot of the internet's reaction to her is, as ever, expecting women to be the perfect victim. Her perceived flaws have been more harshly critisised than Sandy's reckless, callous actions. Bottom line though, Tony Parsons was returned to his family, Sandy and Robert were punished (yes the sentences were too short), and that was thanks to her, and she absolutely wrecked herself in the process.

I do agree with this. They scapegoated her for all the wrongs, she was a flawed human like the rest of us, but she wasn't a bad person and did what she was capable of to help bring things to justice.

Do we know what she does now?

As I said above,I related to her at every step. I don't know that I would have done much different, if I am honest. I doubt I'd have touched drugs as I am too much of a wimp, but other than that.

I related a bit too - some very poor choices and a lot of hard partying after a bad relationship in my twenties. Would have looked horrendous filmed and collated!

All I know is that she no longer has her doctor's registration. I hope she feels happier and more settled now - being messed up, or having a less appealing personality isn't a crime, the only person she really hurt was herself, other than her worried parents, but she'll not be the first or last on that front.

I also always staunchly defended Amanda Knox - another "unlikeable" woman who fell victim to horrendous, misogynistic policing.

I fell victim to misogynistic policing when I worked for them! Obviously I in no way believe it to be comparible to what these poor women went through but to me it just cements the fact that their values lie in their mysogniny (as well as their racism and sexist practices).

Yes, I have been there too. Had I been subject to a documentary, at certain points in my life I'd haev had people thinking I deserved to be in an institution!
We can all do stupid things when faced with adversity. I do hope Caroline is okay now.