Should I marry a murderer? Netflix

[IAmKerplunk]

Has anyone watched this? I have just finished it. Honestly I feel mixed about Caroline. Don’t want to say too much in case others haven’t finished it.

I remember the story being reported but didn’t know how much else went on in the lead up to the trial.

Watched all three episodes of this thing, I have also heard the BBC podcast and was aware of the story as I am in Scotland and it was well covered here on the news both at the time when Tony Parsons disappeared and when the body was found. Few points.

"Just do the PM at another hospital" - yes, but there are not many massive hospitals in Scotland in the way there would be in London. The QEUH hospital in Glasgow where Caroline worked is the largest in Scotland, handling local cases and people from all over the country who need specialist care. Had they not taken the remains to the QEUH the only other hospital of equivalent size/expertise would be the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh and that may have caused logistical issues if the police were based in Glasgow.

Parent support - you have to remember that all this was happening in 2020 or 2021 when in Scotland we were locked down far harder and for far longer than in other parts of the UK. If Caroline's parents live in the Glasgow area (which I think they did given their accents) and she lived elsewhere in the Glasgow area which she must have if she worked in a hospital there, it would have been ILLEGAL for her to visit them. We were banned from going into each other's houses totally in this time. There is obviously a strained relationship there but it was an odd time. However, Caroline was clearly happy to break all the rules by going on Tinder dates and travelling to other areas of Scotland (no judgement - so did I). I also don't think it's fair to question why her friends like the guy on the documentary weren't there for her - they wouldn't have been allowed to socialise with her either.

She does come over as very vulnerable and with a history of very poor decision making, alcohol and drugs. The constant videoing suggested to me a desperate need to be liked and for attention. Yes the police could have done more but she didn't strike me as the sort of person who would welcome all attempts to help and support. She would have been paid a fortune by Netflix for this documentary, she does not appear to be working as any sort of doctor any more.

Great post. Very very sad that she comes across as unlikeable but is desperate to be liked. I agree that her behaviour due to MH or even her character and lifestyle choices (SM videoing, risk, addiction) need to be set aside to consider the huge contribution she has made unsupported to solving this crime at huge personal loss and risk to herself to bring some level of peace, comfort and closure to Tony and his family.

I hope she is well supported now and not on SM to be impacted by any negative comments. I hope she has made some money from NF and is satisfied that she has now told her ‘evidence’ / story in this way as she was mentally and physically unable to do so in court.

I hope the reason she is not currently practicing medicine is one she made.

I got the impression that if it hadn't been for her parents, she perhaps wouldn't have gone to the police at all.

I don’t necessarily disagree with that. She absolutely was conflicted. But in the decision to tell her parents she would have known there would be no wedding and no brushing it under the carpet after that. Keeping the confession to herself was not what she chose to do even if at points it might have been tempting.

She did the right thing.
Many wouldn’t.
She, as @NE14Tposted “…solved the case for the prosecution and she should be offered appropriate respect and support for making those decisions………she reported the crime and essentially went undercover to gather evidence whilst in the midst of a mental health crisis and extreme stress, with no support system- I believe sympathy and respect would be the natural response….”
Too true.

she would've been paid a fortune by Netflix

And you know this?

Edited: quoted from another thread!

Netflix has loads of money. I was assuming!

I doubt in reality the Police would have turned up as portrayed in the doc. Certainly not with blue lights flashing! There would have been a firearms presence as they were known, and registered, firearms owners.

I wonder if Robert is out now?

I am so torn about my feelings towards Caroline. My first huge frustration was exactly as you say - the contemptuous friend. I thought, perhaps he had an attraction towards her ( she was very attractive) and that resentment of not being her type I imagine, fuelled a deep seated anger and resentment. It was wafting off the guy....I imagine him and his gang laughing about her and undermining her behind her back regularly. He seems a very bitchy queen to me; wonder how his wife feels about the friendship.

The filming / selfies was too much and made me dislike her, lose sympathy. Yet, I'm older than her and maybe this is the generational norm.

She was treated terribly and was clearly vulnerable. The police are arseholes for that. I had alot of compassion for her isolation in the situation.

I struggle with someone who appeared so connected still to this guy and then kept deciding to record him. Something about all this, the duplicity of her approach with him, would make me incredibly uneasy ever knowing her in real life. If you genuinely wanted to bring justice, then her approach did not seem to fit this for me. It felt a bit performative at times ( 'I'm a good person honest,'). .

If I was a family member of the poor cyclist, I would have some anger regarding not appearing at court and instead filming that weirdness. Yet. the stress of that must have been horrendous for her. I have been pushed to the edge before and gone into paranoia due to severe ongoing stress and abusive people in my life. So I have some understanding of losing it somewhat too.

She was definitely vulnerable and I have compassion for that, but I wouldn't want to encounter her irl. Something feels a little disingenuous here. I can't put my finger on it.

To add to my previous comment, wondering if Robert is out now - are the parents/family still tenants on the Auch estate? I wonder if the brothers will return to the area (not having lived/worked anywhere else)?

The BBC documentary explained the brothers drinking etc was well known locally, but I guess never reported when they drove off (regularly?) from the pub intoxicated. There were some anonymous tip offs but not enough to arrest them. I do think it was widely known locally that they had been involved in the crime.

I agree Caroline didn't come across well, and the constant filming really jarred with me but it does seem to be quite common/normal for many women her age.

But why did her parents and friend James agree to the documentary? It's clear she has long term mental health issues, I think if I was her mother I would have disuaded her from doing it.

I hope she has found peace and recovery now. I'm sure the Parsons family would rather not have this brought up again and I do think Caroline was insensitive to that.

I don’t think she is really of the age group where constant filming is typical. She must be mid to late 30s now?

Yes I think mid 30s, that seems to be the age demographic that is most prevalent all over my social media anyway! Much more so than 20s/late teens.

I think otherwise on James. He had the power. He’s good looking, stable, married with a child, a doctor etc & represents all Caroline wanted. I think they’d been intimate in past & Caroline, who has no intellect only a ‘photographic memory’, is the ‘unstable’ sort men sleep with & then mock later to friends. He’s faux sympathetic IMO. Poor old Caroline, a bit dim & nuts but always was reasonably easy on eye. No wonder boyfriend dumped her…etc…

It takes more than a photographic memory to be able to be a pathologist. And if her memory was that good she wouldn't have needed that red bull can.

This, it was very uncomfortable how taken she was with the romance of it all still. I had to check it was really her in the interviews as I thought it was an actress who had just completely misread the tone. She made it sound like an adventure in parts.

This sort of reminded me of Sweet Bobby. A jaw dropping story, a somewhat unreliable/unsympathetic narrator/protagonist and lots of wider back story and context that is hinted at but never properly probed.

I also found it difficult to understand the living with him while recording him too. I guess she knew the relationship had no legs at that point and she ultimately wanted him out of her life while she was depending on him emotionally. The three of them were in such a desperate place they were sort of holding each other up in this strange limbo.

From what I remember, she had almost no option but to stay enmeshed in their lives, as the police said they didn't have enough to charge them; yet they knew someone has informed on them. If she'd split from him or made it obvious that something had changed, he'd have known it was her. The police allegedly hadn't offered protection for her, and didn't seem to think they posed a threat to her - despite them having gone to great lengths to hide a body, and tried to speed up the process.

Quite.

I’ve just finished the final episode of this and found it fascinating. I wasn’t familiar with the story so that aspect of it was gripping. More, though, was the insight into how the criminal justice system works in practice and what it can mean for witnesses. Would you report a serious crime after seeing this?

It did me too.

I would yes, so that the family know what happened to their loved one, and those responsible are known. Serious crimes should always be reported.

I got the impression that if she hadn't have reported it, her parents would have so it forced her to do the right thing. Thank god for them.

Before watching this, I just watched the other recent Netflix addition about scary ex partners, the one episode with that horrible tattooed face guy....I won't give it all away, but an ex went to the Police about a horrible assault this creepy guy had subjected her to. There's footage of the police interview with the accused after the accusation against him. The way the male officer handled it is horrifying but reflects how poorly female victims of anything involving men are treated I believe.

With this series we're discussing, I didn't like the way the men spoke about her; the friend James reeking of no genuine care imo, instead more likely to mock her with his chums I suspect.

Then the lead prosecution guy, David something. He had alot of disdain in the way he spoke about her. It felt more than because she engaged with Sandy still after reporting it, it felt more than because she didn't turn up to court. Being intelligent and having financial access to ' support ' is not protection. Despite his insistence that made her less vulnerable. It didn't. So that was another man completely oblivious to the vulnerability of women in this sort of situation.

So the whole thing in answer to your question, alongside ongoing life experience could make me think twice in a similar situation.

I would have first distanced myself from that Sandy guy. I would have moved rapidly towards ending it, even though I understand you can't switch your feelings off overnight. I would have made getting through that and detaching myself from the emotional connection my priority before considering going to the Police. I would not have been able and am not someone who would have embarked on secretly recording him in this specific scenario. I can't explain why.

It doesn't sit well as I question her exact motives for doing that. I don't believe it was for the love of the victim and his family.

With friends like James, who needs enemies? He seemed to be enjoying his 15 minutes of fame.

I felt he was a bit "put out" to even be on the programme, he came across very aloof. I got the impression she had rebuffed him at some point, as he was far to invested in the downfall of the relationship in general, smirking like he was enjoying it.