Should I marry a murderer? Netflix

[IAmKerplunk]

Has anyone watched this? I have just finished it. Honestly I feel mixed about Caroline. Don’t want to say too much in case others haven’t finished it.

I remember the story being reported but didn’t know how much else went on in the lead up to the trial.

I'm nearly at the end of episodes 3. She seems to be almost gleeful about sneakily recording him "oh look I'm so clever, I recorded him and he didn't know"

That said, the was the impression in the show, not on the recordings, so maybe that's "for the camera"??

I don't like the selfies and filters, but that doesn't make her a bad person..

Re my earlier post - can no longer edit but doh - typo - main victim Tony ( not Sandy ) and his family .

I think she was incredibly brave. The family would almost certainly not had closure if she had not done what she did.

But I had not realised bow influenced she was by alcohol etc.

I liked Caroline, I hope she’s healing along with her lovely parents.

I wonder if she’ll get back together with Sandy. They seemed very magnetic.

"Her actions were unbelievable , especially rekindling the relationship after she had gone to the police and the frantic search for the bike ."

You see, I didn't think the search for the bike was frantic at all, she wasn't on hands and knees scrambling, and wading through water. She was behaving very oddly, prancing around taking a filtered selfie video, in what seemed a disassociated self absorbed, and manic state.

I completely agree. It seemed as if she was 'acting manic' at the waterfall search. She seemed to be posing artfully whilst filming herself crying. Some of that footage appeared to be filmed on a selfi stick. Which points to it being planned not a sudden breakdown. I think she was treated badly but there was something about her I couldn't take to, I think it was the constant filming, mostly of herself.

I think the ‘magnetism’ was a heady mix of drink, drugs and a rebound relationship in an escapist, wild, physical environment. I hope she is doing well.

So 🤔 too vulnerable to testify but is able to give one sided indulgent fully lucid account via a 3-part Netflix documentary of what happened!?

I’d guess Caroline was always a bit unstable even before she met the brothers. Having Mum & Dad to always fall back on also negates responsibility.

My own view is it was the cross examination she feared as aspects of her version don’t add up, and Netflix doesn’t ask the awkward Qs.

As with every documentary on Netflix, I found it all to be rather repetitive and padded out. It really could have been done in two episodes. And the show title - extremely misleading. She was never going to marry him as soon as she found out!

Her excuses about not going to court were absolutely wild. I think, as an articulate and intelligent woman, interviewed in her nice sensible jumper in a nice middle class flat, she gave a well rehearsed and well-honed account of herself.

The reality of what she was actually like at the time of her relationship with Sandy is well documented on her countless attention-seeking, self-obsessed videos complete with stupid filters. The sort of behaviour you might expect from a 17 year old. All the blowing cigarette smoke seductively into her own self video - WTF??? She took as many drugs and as much drink as any of them. I think she LOVED the hedonistic rough-as-fuck lifestyle and wishes that Sandy had not told her and she could have married him and messed her life up inevitably. Who was she making those videos for? She was quite often narrating (Sandy's in a cunt of a mood).

Yes, the police did leave her to it a bit and that was quite interesting. Why didn't the film makers make more of that with the prosecutor?

It was if she was already planning a documentary/film from the start. Very attention seeking and did wonder if she had been somewhat spoilt by her long suffering parents.

Well it was 3 years ago, I'm glad her state of mind has changed in that time.

This…

Someone help me understand something- do people actually take these videos of themselves and WHY? I honestly don’t get it.

Well Caroline did so clearly people do?

Yes I have acquaintances that post on social media several times a day, I'm sure they've taken even more videos that they don't post.
I do think people like that are generally not very happy with their lives but trying to show the world they are.

Like Caroline, she was trying to prove she'd moved on from her ex, was in love, engaged to this new amazing man, and living an idyllic life. Of course the reality was quite different.

Just watched the 3 episodes. I think with everything you have to bear in mind this is an edited documentary. It's not an abnormal story to have a rebound relationship.

I do find it extremely odd that she then bought him to her house at Christmas as she would rather do that than share the truth. That seemed to set the path for her as she was terrified of her parents being in danger and adopted a sort of keep your enemies close stance, and I suppose ultimately the only way she could ensure their safety was to get more evidence. I think there were a lot of sunk costs for her and I lost track of how many times she went back to him. I don't think she could fully accept the whole foundation of their relationship was a lie - in the end he was priming her to be a good character witness for him. I don't want to say I commend her as I think it's appalling she wasn't offered support and there was a lot of denial - but you couldn't possibly need support you're a doctor...doesn't make sense to say. Maybe drink and drugs played more of a role in masking the vulnerability. She was very strong though. Her father seemed very upset but not very talkative.

Re. Caroline and her social media use: I think it's quite telling that there was radio silence when she announced her engagement on Facebook! She was disappointed in that but presumably everyone and his dog who knew her thought it was a questionable idea. I also thought it telling that they only had her one friend and her parents to interview as supporters of Caroline. Seems to me she was quite a lonely young woman on top of having recently come out of a long, more stable relationship.

Sorry if this had been discussed already but do people think there’s any merit in what she said about him potentially choosing her due to her job?

I do - any relationship that starts on Tinder and is a whirlwind has to be looked at with suspicion. 50% of men on Tinder are cheating for example.

I've no doubt he'd have thought at the very least here's someone who I can perhaps talk to about death. He would have gone in full love bombing mode. Depending on how that went, how she psychologically responded, open up further.

I doubt though that she can or could accept that - her preferred narrative was that he is or was a lost boy that needed rescuing.

No, he was a lost boy, and then became an immoral adult who made choices, bad ones.

I'd have to rewatch but the ending didn't really reflect what she thought about him in the end. She blamed herself a lot though so I think she took responsibility for her actions and thinking, maybe she was practising self compassion on herself and not thinking too much about him in the end. She did I think realise the full extent- I still don't know how she didn't realise that someone capable of leaving a dead man at a roadside and burying him could be capable of worse but there we go.

Mm Id be extremely careful of putting what she did on a pedestal - is that how crimes should be solved. Absolutely not. She should have reported it, cut ties, and then left it to the police. The police would have it in their gift to create a fake Tinder profile and befriend the man to ascertain information and so on. Its more a cautionary tale of what not to do, and I suppose the documentary was an opportunity to tell her side.

I'd also be cautious about saying she was psychotic - drug induced psychosis and psychosis are clinically different.

I still have empathy for her in the situation- despite her terrible choices, she should have had some support, that was the biggest message for me from it.

Would there be any merit in thinking that her SM stuff about her new relationship with Sandy was to get at her long term ex partner who ditched her - ie look at how I’ve moved on with this hunky guy and I’m so in love and getting married?

It seemed that a lot of the SM posts were repeated in the doc as visual fillers so not sure there were actually loads. Also were most of the posts before he told her what had happened?