Abortion - The Choice . Tuesday 13th May, BBC 2, 9pm

[Milliways]

Tuesday 13th May, BBC 2, 9pm: Abortion - The Choice.
"Five women face up to their decision to have an abortion, describing their thought processes as they made one of the most difficult choices anybody can make, and on which there can be no hard and fast agreement. Beyond the chatter, 200,000 pregnancies are terminated in the UK each year and none is anything less than tortuous and painful - as demonstrated by this poignant film."

Riven, I am one of the non SN person you might be looking for a response from. I have been reading this with a numb feeling from the beginning since I am in the difficult position of being nearing the end of my 2nd trimester and about to have an amnio. This is to see if a problem which was discovered at 23.5 weeks scan (and is now being monitored) is down to chromosomal abnormalities such as trisomy 21, 18 or 13. Therefore, I am well outside the 'acceptable' limit of 24 weeks, and feel very isolated in making any decisions - which may or may not prove to be hypothetical.

I've wanted to post but am afraid of being insensitive to those of you who have SN children. But I cannot honestly say that, if the amnio is positive, I might not consider termination.

I am incredibly scared of what the future might hold. My knowledge of what it might mean to look after a child with special needs, particularly brain damage, is based on zero experience, which means that any decision I might make will be based on medical advice and culling the good and bad from the SN board.

Not really sure what I want to say or what response I am looking for. But just wanted to point out that many of you may condemn me, for even considering termination (I doubt whether I could go ahead with it, given the method of termination, bonding, but depending on the result may consider it - I just don't know yet), but I think perhaps many of you haven't been in this supremely distressing situation. For those of you who had knowledge of your baby's forthcoming problems and went ahead, I am clear from your messages that your life is richer for it and that you wouldn't part with your ds or dd's, for all the world.

On this, and some other threads I have been looking at, there has been pretty strong condemnation of people who 'excuse' termination for disability, because of factors such as existing children, strain on family life, life-long commitment and quality of life etc. All of the above have entered my head, but the last two are most central to my anxiety, as well as the uncertainty of quite how bad things could be.

Obviously, there are no certainties in life but I freely admit that when I entered in to this my hope was for a child free from problems. I selfishly aimed at the 'perfect' scenario, which I can see frustrates those of you have had perfect children who just happen to have medical conditions/chromosomal abnormalities, too etc. I can see that I will have to re-think my position (obviously that has been on-going since 23.5 week scan when I got turfed out of the cushy, all completely 'normal', majority).

As I said, not sure what response I'm looking for, but thought you'd appreciate this perspective. I have been questioning whether I wanted advice, but was so unsure where to post, so I hope that this is appropriate.

Sorry, that should read .. .I might consider termination.

love you name by the way.

sausageandmash I hope it goes well for you and you don't have to wait too long for an answer. I know a little about waiting and not knowing because with both ds2 and ds3 we had to wait until about 18 months - 2 years until we knew that they didn't have ds1's condition to the severity he had it, and longer to know that they didn't have it at all (although tbh that was liveable with- it was having it as severely as ds1 that was our great concern).

I'm not sure you want advice, so won't try to give any but your concerns would be very different whether you're dealing with trisomy 13 or 18 versus trisomy 21. The 'problem' with DS is that even when the child has the condition you can't really predict the outcomes. I crossed the road this week with an adult with DS who was out alone, completely independent, looked like she was heading off to a job, whereas that would not be a possibility for everyone with DS of course.

Ultimately you have to make the decision that's right for you. Hopefully all will be well. Scans do throw up a lot of positives. A friend who had a CVS after dodgy nuchal went onto have a baby who did possibly (they weren't sure - cvs isn't always as clear as amnio) have a chromosomal condition, but if he had it it was mild and unlikely to cause any problems except potential sub-fertility. It was a worrying time, but worked out OK (they were given the whole trisomy 13/18 horror scenario as well).

scan do throw up a lot of false positives I mean.

Thank you so much answering my stream of consciousness message.

I know you are right - I think it takes a while to come to terms with a new future, when you had in your mind a totally 'standard' one.

13 and 18 are obviously the most scary outcomes and I MUST stop looking at the internet which errs on the side of statistical pessimism (which is my natural home I'm afraid).

The ignorance side of things is difficult to remedy - I can't know what challenges or indeed joys I might face if the amnio proves positive, and this lack of real life experience makes one panic and consider the unknown as potentially insurmountable when, as you say, you cope with whatever life throws at you!

Think this miserable weather has got to me - will look forward to some sunshine tomorrow!