Sweet Bobby (Netflix)

[GenerousGardener]

Just listened to Sweet Bobby on BBC sounds. Very interesting listen about a woman who was ‘catfished’. Then saw it advertised on Netflix, coming out on Wednesday.
Got to be worth a watch.

No it really couldn’t..

People do fall for romance scams but to suggest that someone would go along with this for ten years, nope. It absolutely could not happen to anyone.

I think the gullible people here are the ones who believes this all happened to her and don’t seem to see that she was clearly in on the whole thing.

A man’s life has been impacted by this. Save your sympathy for him and his family who were stalked by this woman, whose wife she fantasised about killing so she could have him and his son for herself.

The police should begin their investigation with her.

@NotOneOfTheInCrowd Hi Simran 👋

What are you on about?

I watched it on Netflix the other night, but have not (and am unlikely to) listen to the podcast.

Yeah, so...

• the 'podcast'
• in the 'Netflix' show, it shows she's a 'radio host'
• she introduces herself as an incredible and successful international 'marketer'
• she's been on a couple morning breakfast TV slots 'promoting' Sweet Bobby.
• there were a few moments in the Netflix show where she looked like she was crying (her face was making the shapes) but there were no teardrops or it didn't look natural.

Something doesn't quite sit right with me, although her parents and the nice, female cousin (not the catfish) put in very genuine performances so it's hard to tell who's the real illusionist.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm not getting some of the hatred of Kirat vibe on this thread? She was gullible, but treated so very very badly by someone who was supposed to be a friend!

I wish the show had gone further and told us more about the investigation of Simran and the payoff that was accepted. And I agree with a pp - just how is this not a crime? and how did Simran have time to keep it all up?

I noticed on the screen shots (I don't know if they were real) that all of the participants in the group WhatsApp didn't use any full stops. That's the sort of curious thing that would stand out to me, but maybe that's just me and my grammar pedantry.

Am I correct that it all started with Sinran breaking up with Bobby’s brother JJ? From listening to the podcast and from memory (correct me if I’m wrong!) Sinran started off cat fishing JJ pretending to be other people saying that she’d been involved in a car accident, was in critical condition etc. Clearly this was a twisted attempt to get his sympathy and win him back. She then sent a few messages from JJ to Kirat pretending to ask for advice (from his GF’s older wiser cousin?) Assuming when Kirat questioned this with Sinran she acted like she was aware of this.

Then months down the line, Kirat suddenly gets a message from Bobby saying that JJ had passed away and he was thanking her for showing kindness to his brother.
This was a (small) Sikh community so nothing particularly unusual about this.
Initially it was only the odd message here and there and sounds like lengthy times between them so a very subtle slow build up. Kirat had a lot on in her life at that time, was talking to other people she said and didn’t even think twice about the infrequent messages who she genuinely assumed was from her cousin’s deceased bf’s brother.

It sounds to me like Sinran had latched onto JJ’s family and created this fantasy world as a way of staying attached to them or something?
How she managed to have a high level career is amazing considering all the time she spent playing this character especially in the last few years.
The thing that stood out to me is when Kirat and Harvey (her best friend) were describing Sinran’s demeanour when she admitted what she’d done - they described her being flat, emotionless and unapologetic. Those are traits of someone with a psychopathic personality. Combined with her mastermind deception she is quite a dangerous person and who knows how many other victims she has targeted!

Then months down the line, Kirat suddenly gets a message from Bobby saying that JJ had passed away and he was thanking her for showing kindness to his brother.
This was a (small) Sikh community so nothing particularly unusual about this

So you'd think it would come up in conversation some time in the 10 years that JJ hadn't died.

But conversation with who? Although the family name was known to Kirat’s family, they didn’t have any direct contacts other than Sinran. Also I think they lived in Brighton whereas Kirat’s family were based in outer London.

Not necessarily, my adult son gets really flat and unapologetic when he knows he's done something wrong. It's not until later he apologises when he's processed it.

She did write a full on apology letter initially ( said so on the podcast) and then a less emotional one once the layers had got involved.

It's a small community. I live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. In 10 years something either about JJ or Bobby would've come up.

It’s not hatred she’s getting but people are very, very suspicious that in 10 years, Kirat didn’t think to question “Bobby”, his very peculiar situation, look up anything online about him, his friends etc.
She has completely embraced the role of the victim here and claiming “anyone could have fallen for this”. Really?? If we all go along with that then are we colluding in this fantasy of hers? I haven’t seen her take any ownership of her actions/naievety.
I would really like to see her explain why she never, ever, did a little searching on all these new people who appeared in her life. She clearly spends most of her time online so this doesn’t add up for me.

I agree, it's not hatred,it's utter disbelief.

Also it ties in with her job, she's a radio presenter so very one sided,not much interaction,she's controlling the narrative.

It’s disbelief not hatred. Do you honestly believe that in ten years she never looked him up online? And as someone else said, attempting to get people to believe the narrative that anyone could get caught up in an online relationship with someone who had had a stroke, gone into witness protection (because you of course keep communicating with people when in witness protection), just makes out that she must have been a victim when it seems clear she knew.

But even if you allow for the fact she was in a fantasy relationship and knew it, there is 0 sympathy for the fact she showed up at his house, said she wanted to run over his wife.

I would absolutely notice the similar posting styles all these fake characters inevitably had, I studied linguistics at MA level and I can always notice patterns and repetition in people’s writing.

I do think a part of it was her denial, but possibly also she enjoyed the social aspect of there always being someone to converse with. I do think she got swept up in the drama, and having (what she thought was) multiple people to discuss her thoughts and feelings with was clearly intoxicating for her.

She’s still a victim.

He's a dentist and a quick google would take you to his website. Real Bobby does have quite a significant online presence although obviously I don't know how long for. Although he doesn't seem to have any sort of aversion to social media so I'm sure a quick google over the 10 years would have easily thrown up the real Bobby.

Ditto his wife Sanj who is a pharmacist turned dermatologist.

I have watched the Netflix doc but not listened to the podcast. A couple of observations: her description of how she was reduced to a wreck by ‘Bobby’s’ coercive control of her towards the end is very genuine. I do believe that she experienced coercive control. She hinted at a sexual relationship during the night time Skype sessions and her reaction when she recounted how she felt when she realised that it had been Simran was horror repulsion and shame. I think she feels deep shame about that aspect of the ‘relationship’ and shame is a very powerful emotion which can make people behave in unoredicatabke ways

Yes in podcast she physically vomited I think

I fully agree that Kirat is a victim and nothing more. Gullible, possibly, to a surprising extent, maybe, but understandably so in the full context of her culture and of her personality as it comes across. The one or two of you going as far as claiming that she is the fantasist who made all this up need to rein in your ridiculous conspiracy theorist tendencies, or stop posting if you're Simran.

Simran allegedly had a senior role in banking which she resigned when this came out. I listened to the podcast and watched the documentary, and the why and how she did this remain the most fascinating and impenetrable questions from this whole thing to me.

I can't believe how much time Simran must have put into this.

This is the thing that gets me. I do of course think Kirat should have questioned many things about the situation, but for her to consider that one person would spend so much time and effort to deceive her would require a level of almost paranoid suspicion. If you thought it, you would think "No, that's ridiculous - I'm losing my mind."

I watched this last night (not listened to the podcast yet).

I have some sympathy for Kirat but the whole thing smacked of a massive exercise in reputation laundering, like she’s trying to leverage the event to kickstart a new career as a campaigner and professional victim. She controls the narrative and the documentary was frustratingly opaque at points and raised a lit of questions over what she and others really knew.

She’s obviously well educated, from a nice family and articulate but not smart and with zero critical thinking ability.

How come she never came across the real Bobby’s digital footprint? Why did she never look him up on the GMC register? Why didn’t she ask around the community? (I suppose the witness protection thing… but so gullible to believe that).

I thought the documentary could have probed the cultural specifics and dynamics more than it did, as it seems to me they’re a massive part of the story. Did she really have a successful international marketing career? Or was she still very embedded in the community (all the shots of her at work seemed to show her at Indian themed events) and living at with her parents, which limited her exposure to outside influences and the development of her life skills and resilience? The messages we saw (and maybe they were representative rather than real) seemed very teenage.

I’m not sure I go along with those who say she was on it, but I feel like on some unconscious level she knew and was addicted to the fantasy/drama. There was also an interesting lesbian/queer dynamic that felt under explored. It reminded me of the Gayle Newland case in a way.

@GhostOrchid Lesbien/queer dynamic? What do you mean? Are you referring between the cousin and Kirat?

Yes. A woman impersonating a man to seduce/control another woman.

Crikey, it never even crossed my mind that Kirat might be somehow ‘in’ on it. I must be just as gullible as I thought she was because I took it all at face value. I watched the Netflix show, then listened to the podcast and just felt incredibly sorry for her, although I wasn’t impressed with her nasty reaction to seeing Bobby’s wife.

Anyway, this thread has given me food for thought!

I wondered if part of Simran’s motivation might have been that she’s hiding a very long way back in the closet.