Matt Willis -Facing Addiction

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

Anyone else watch this, it was really good? It's on iPlayer.

I had no idea how many times he'd relapsed,poor bloke. Can't help thinking going on tour probably isn't a good idea, hope he's going to be ok. With the best will in the world being in a situation where you used all the time is going to be massively triggering.

I've never really liked Emma , always thought she was a bit fake, totally changed my mind , she's clearly been slapping a smile on her face and keeping the family together.

So much respect for both of them for being so open and transparent.

And being completely shallow Matt is completely rocking the beard !

Sorry @Xrays I see you know exactly what you’re talking about, apologies.

Same with my family. Loads of alcoholism.

Well done. I hope you can be kind to yourself and continue to heal. What do you do to help yourself?
I and many friends are grown children of dysfunctional upbringings. I applaud you for actually leaving.

That’s ok. 💐 It’s hard isn’t it. I always feel so on the defensive about it all, it makes you feel no one else can understand you. You can sort of understand why people turn to drink etc with backgrounds like mine because it’s very isolating. I grew up in a house with 3 alcoholics, my mum, dad and Gran.

It's,sort of not about her, though, is it? Isn't it about not exposing her children to his behaviour.

Oh I'm completely with you, but I still don't think she'll be leaving.

You seem slightly obsessed

Emma has always seemed like such a lovely, straightforward woman to me. I find it hard to understand why she didn't run for the hills as soon as she knew he was an addict. I think she said they'd only been together for 3 months when he first went into rehab. She deserves so much better.

Obsessed ? I'm just responding to posts.

Not sure amazing is the right word, but yes, I'd be out of there having grown up with an addict I wouldn't put myself or children through it.

Just watching it now and feel sorry for Emma, but him too. I hope he doesn't relapse on tour, she must be so worried :(

She's 47, she does NOT look dreadful! Ffs. What a shit comment

Watching it now, poor Emma, dealing with this for over 18 years. She looks exhausted. I felt disappointed when he said he'd lied in his therapy sessions. His older brother seemed to have faced his past more honestly than he has. I worry for him as I don't think he's really ever faced up to his trauma and going on tour may give him the opportunity to relapse. I wish that family all the best.

I wonder if she's ever been to those groups that support families of alcoholics? I think she'd really benefit from it.

Sorry, I'm just watching it now, and seeing that they are going to a group that supports families. I can see though, why you wouldn't want to, as the shame and stigma is still so great.

I haven't seen it but will watch when I get a chance.

I am not that familiar with him; Emma seems to be the much more famous of the two.

I had always thought she seemed like one of those people who have a charmed life. She is exceptionally beautiful, seems to be from a large, supportive, loving family, and she found wealth and success early in life.

So I'm surprised she's put up with this from the start - why in earth would you marry and have kids with someone like this?

I also didn't realise she was so much older than him. He's 40 to her 47. When they had their first child she was 33 and he was 26.

I found it interesting when he said he’d lied. And then I’m almost the same breath he’s saying he can’t remember what happened when he was younger as it was so traumatic. But then he knows something traumatic happened, and later in the programme he’s crying talking to therapist coming to terms with the idea it wasn’t his fault - how does he know something wasn’t his fault if he doesn’t remember what happened? Maybe I’m over thinking it all. I just find it fascinating as someone coming from a similar background to him, from what I can gather anyway, and with alcoholism in my family. I think he’s very lucky to be able to invest huge amounts of money into very good therapy as most of us with lower incomes get hardly any support psychologically at all, just handed a card with a number to ring and then a very one sized fits all approach to counselling that hasn’t helped me at all.

I really hope that the words of that young woman who lost her alcoholic dad, and was so upset that he will never be at her wedding, or meet his grandkids, has really sunk in.

@fivetonap I agree, remarks about her appearance are not needed. I think comments like ‘enabling him’ are harsh too. Must we descend to the cliche of blaming the woman? How sad.

I don't think slating Emma's looks is right. How do we know she's not a mumsnetter? Plus she's gorgeous.

I think she just didn't have any makeup on , that's all . It was refreshing to see .

I obviously don't know exactly what he's feeling and whatever, but just from my experience I had similar. I had a pretty tricky upbringing for various reasons but just sort of plodded on and assumed some of my struggles as an adult were just one of those things. It wasn't before speaking to a counsellor through work and going through what was to me my childhood recollections that they suggested links to my current behaviour that made sense. I can't really explain, but as you say often decent therapy (which sadly not enough people can access) can be very enlightening and give useful insight into coming to terms with and dealing with past trauma.

I don't doubt for a single second that she has stayed with him because she loves him and she doesn't want a split family for her children. However, at some point you have to ask yourself whether living with an addict parent is better for the children than living in a secure home without them. As others have said, she is in the fortunate position of having a financial choice in the matter. I think she's great but misguided in this regard.

I'm a big fan of hers but I agree. I wonder if social services have been involved or if its fine as he's rich and famous?

It’s really good to hear you were able to gain some insight. It’s (the programme) made me feel I want to try and get some help in a similar way. I don’t know if that’s possible through the nhs as I haven’t had much luck before (!) but I want to try. So much of our adult lives are shaped through our childhood experiences. I have tried to just bury mine right down, act like I’ve almost had a re birth since my Mum died, but I find it very hard to relate to people (apart from my dh, who has a similar background to me and is no contact with all his family).

I think it was quite brave of everyone in the programme to speak so openly and with such emotion. It’s something none of us generally do with our friends and family.

I'm wondering if he doesn't remember much about his childhood because he had to disassociate? I think something like EMDR might be helpful to him, if he's willing to go back into those memories? God, it's so hard, I really felt for him in that therapy session. And I can SO relate.