The Real Housewives of Cheshire

[rockingthelook]

Whar can I say....even more of a pantomime than I was expecting, bigger cars, tacky clothing (lauren in squeaky latex trousers!) , awful make up and more contrived stories than ever, it doesn't disappoint

Do you like butterscotch angel delight?

My hands are large for my build. Also very thin and veiny. I don't have my fingernails long because it would put people too much in mind of Nosferatu.
So, butterscotch Angel Delight, nice outfits and a pleasant meal. Sounds good!

(It’s a stone and a half but I’m in denial)

I don’t have man hands but I have man feet? Size 8 even though I am only 5’ 3. With hairy toes.

Damn, I knew I would be exposed over my dislike of milk and powder combo’s.
Don’t worry, I’ll flounce out.
I can then be caught on camera later secretly munching on those cheap plastic cheese squares.

Cheese squares???
Come baaaaaaaaaack!!! You are amongst friends!

Everyone is in denial about summat. At least you were honest about hairy toes…. My big toes have summer gilets. And the rest are webby.

maireas might have little Nosf genes. Someone’s been making merry with a duck in my past.

I think we would knock this lot into a cocket hat.

The only discernible difference is that none of us probably will have neon teef or bosoms that are still in the vicinity of our necks.

Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome.

We can maybe go Sally Bowles for our intro.

I’ll need a reinforced chair. And a big hat. (Big heid)

Because you are petite, I will nab some wood from your chair. Happy days. 🤗 (jazz hands)

squirrel

You almost saved me posting. I agree with what you wrote apart from the Rachel bit. Not a fan.

Nicole is right. Lacklystra and Tan bloody well do bring out the worst in eachother. Harpies the pair of them.

Lacklystra saying she attacks because of her former life and getting Emosh? She ain’t alone in coming from a difficult start or whatever. And sooking up to Rach and Lauren? Nah mate. You don’t get to play the vulnerable card when you suddenly realise you have just shown your inner foof.

It ain’t no excuse for being a cahnt. Not buying it at all. Sorry. (Soooooo feckin not sorry)

Not buying Tan either. Again right. You don’t get to hide your inner foof in a clown suit. (Which wasn’t far away from that powder blue lunch jacket with m’joolie) Eye rolling and wowing. Hate it on MN and hate it from her.

The feckin camp behaviour and clowning overacting don’t wash no more. I used to like her as well. Not no more.

The doll shit? Eeeee.

Running out of stories?

Is the new dame going to fall out on Seema for chucking the doll?

I wouldn’t want Tan’s apology. Doing it because her maw told her to. Praying as well? Not playing.

Sheldon takes no crap. And Tan sloops up all Lystra’s. Tan was a nippy bint at that apology. Not at all sorry. And too blind to see Lacklystra’s shitey behaviour to Nicole.

Was that real fur on the date? 🤬

Likes her checklist? Double trouble? Two eyes lit up at the double of the copter and the plane.

Seems is a chicken. She thinks she will say it her way. Aye. In silence. And you didn’t stick up for Nicole did ye mate?

I’m disappointed in absolutely everyone apart from Han and Nic.

The rest are just all out for themselves.

And the gargoyles are back next week too.

Great.

You're right, only Hanna and Nicole seem half decent. Lystra can't use those excuses for treating people badly, no-one has had a perfect life. I've no idea what she was going on about with that millionaire, but we'll see what happens with that relationship.

She will be thinking planes and helicopters.

He will be thinking motorboat.

Zoomzoom

I like Tanya, not sure about Nicole, she seems more trouble than she's worth. Hanna is so far up her own backside and no reason why.
Are they not allowed to mention Dawn? They must be desperate to.

True, @ssd! She who shall not be mentioned!
I used to really like Tanya, I thought she was funny, honest and self effacing, but she just seems to have latched on to Lystra a bit much.
Sheldon motorboat

Maybe they have been advised not to mention manhands ssd

Maybe for fear of perhaps sullying the brand with the upcoming?

I hope they are allowed to discuss it when it happens.

One of the influencers have given birth though so her manhands would have been full anyway.

👶🏽 🍼 🥳

You. Are. My, People.

@SheldonesqueTheBstard “Cabaret” is perfect! “What good is it sitting alone in your room?” I reckon line re ‘Elsie from Chelsea’ applies to all of them; I’m sure more than one has referenced ‘fiery fannies’ plus threesomes. “Two Ladies - diddley dee dee - and I’m the the only Man, yah”. I bet they do like it . . .

When I goooooooooooooooooo
I’m going like Sheldon….

Holding out to be Lady Peaceful/Lady Happy. Maybe sometime.

At the moment though I’ll settle for the chair not splintering under my harris.

Shite. Can’t work out who’s Amy @SheldonesqueTheBstard @Maireas @ssd and others. Are we going to have to fight for attention?!

You STARTED it! [bonk]

Btw - I don’t think Lysteria is a good example to her wannabe model daughter.

[strategic retreat, nursing bruised knuckles accompanied by occasional whimper]

Do any of us have a relative we'd promote on the show? Teenage "model" daughter, socially awkward sons, extrovert husband, self conscious mum.....weird china dolls ?

I wish she had been more real. I think her inner self would have had me warming to her more

Yes you can drag yourself up by the bootstraps. It doesn’t mean that you have to shake what yer mamma gave you or bought with the aforementioned bootstraps as attire.

It really saddens me that you have to show your wares like that for your 15 minutes. More so when you don’t really need to.

I think her fighting spirit would be a good thing for the bambino. Sadly, the image that’ll probably follow her around will be her maw dressed in a string of pearls and two glittery post-its.

I have no one. Or no one that fits the criteria.

I have marvellous normal siblings (so proud of them) and the folks. None would (want to) be telly fodder.

I could do the dating thing like lysteria.

Her double was a helicopter and private plane.

Mines would be chips and egg.

I feel grubby and in need of a shower after watching this programme. I

Hello @TheWatersofMarch! What’s your tag line?!

I’ve got a storyline!!! I need to commune with dead BastardCat via the medium of a cracked, 50 year old crystal ball!

I’m off to paint my nails green in honour of Cabaret

Unfortunately, I think it’ll make me look like I’ve got a virulent fungal infection rather then the intended Sally Bowles Pure decadence, darling!

Fungal infection dear MrsCatE?

Count your blessings. I’d look full on zombie apocalypse 🧟‍♀️

I don’t do mornings. I also really look like I don’t do mornings.

You must miss bastardcat terribly. .

I’m good with the connection through the ball. I’m off if one of those dolls start meowing…

Now. Who knows if you get fishnets with fisherman wader sized thighs?

I’m so going to have to go to the back for the title shots…

What are we going to hold? Please don’t say dolls 😳

Seema has been a non event this season (although pretty standard for her) they've even tried to make it more interesting by introducing her benign ovary and breast lump issue - what a yawn fest!

I’ve not seen the one for last night yet.

I can only imagine.

I know things like that are a worry, but you don’t invite in the drama until you know there is something to worry about. That way lies madness.

Unless they want to use it to ‘unite’ them all and forget the other dramas? 🤷‍♀️

You know, just in time for the reunion?

Never thought I’d say it but where is Manhands when you need her?!

It has been a bit sleepy eh?

I’m pontificating on man hands too; I assume she’s gesticulating wildly whilst doing the pointy, shabby thing and babbling incoherently at herself, in the mirror.

Meanwhile, ‘Our Ashley’ I meandering about, topless, asking ‘I am allowed to put me knock off Ralph Lauren top on man hands? It ain’t half nippy and I’ve only just got out our swimming pool sized bath - you left me in there with a glass of Aldi Prosecco when the camera’s packed up and I’m wrinklier than a whippet’s bollock’

@SheldonesqueTheBstard perhaps you could make some Fishnets out of actual Fishnets? Not the trawler ones - they’re unethical and not compliant with sustainable fishing guidelines.