The Real Housewives of Cheshire

[rockingthelook]

Whar can I say....even more of a pantomime than I was expecting, bigger cars, tacky clothing (lauren in squeaky latex trousers!) , awful make up and more contrived stories than ever, it doesn't disappoint

Well if ever there was a lesson in the ‘you are the company you keep’ it is here.

TB and Lacklystra.

Hanna was right.

And they know it.

It says something when they are acting like a bigger pair of flaps than manhands ever was.

Tonight’s painted message will be doing me just fine for that pair.

Time to abandon ship, the pageant tonight was just over the top and embarassing, what was the point? just ott The dating guru, Lystra and Lauren just need to face facts that there is always someone younger and prettier than you, especially when your make up consists of white circles around your eyes and looking like a drag queen . What makes them feel they are so special and a catch...run for the hills gentlemen !

The football won for me. In so many ways.

Will watch in a bit.

See there’s a dinner party next week.

Back to the fighting. Again.

Back to the wallopers being flopped out.

Oh dear.

Full time. And not on about the football.

Manhands must be delighted she’s away.

Listeria has deformed herself hasn't she - why would someone do that to themselves ☹️

Tan is polishing the back of Lacklystra’s teeth with her tongue she is that far up her arse.

I used to like her. I thought she was a good egg. I’m tired of the poking and bitching. It’s about the bullies.

As for the surgeon who did that?

There are more bumps on her than a string of beads. The ones you stick up your orifice.

Tan will probably find them on her way back out.

And I’m not buying the tears next week either. Or the praying.

And all the ‘bitch’ shit?

You are in Cheshire mate. Wise up.

Sorry but why has no one mentioned Esther being able to get both legs round her neck?
That’s a party trick especially since they have to navigate over her boob job. Obviously we all assumed she could but impressive non the less.

Lystra choosing Tan as the runner up.

The plastic face masks were back. Can't help but think Esther is so beautiful compared to the rest of them. But the whole series so far is completely bobbins, I really don't know why I am watching it.

the plastic face masks were back

And yet the plastic faces never went away… 🤫

And after the ‘pageant’, it is clear the dancers don’t fall far from the pole.

I can binge watch it!

I think you would probably get more entertainment from an actual squirrel 🐿

Can always guarantee @SheldonesqueDoesNotBelongHere Does the perfect summary!

Ffs - Lysteria and talking in third person [rolls eyes like slot machine].

Even had enough of fence sitting Seema.

Agree can’t tell difference between Nicole and t’other - apart from latter must have gone to same Scammer School as the tootin’, racist DW.

Hannah is still the dirge voiced boring one; reminds me of Forrest Gump’s Shrimp Boat mate - Bubba.

Lauren is absolutely vile - obviously she’ll be able to entice a big docked multi millionaire, private island / plane owning bloke given her wonderful personality.

At least Rachael got her hefty settlement from ex - AKA Lizard John.

dick not docked!

However, could apply because I’m sure she thinks she could entrap Bill Gates and his Super Yacht!

MrsCatE

How are you??? 😘

Your summary was far better than mine. 👏🏼 I lost my nip - and the will to watch!

Isn’t it funny though, back in the day, a divorce settlement was for securing your future with an abode and a pension. And if you were lucky, you had some left ower for a slush fund and the odd furrin holiday.

Not bazooms, a face full of filler, a newly sculpted gunt and possibly an arse that can fill a 3 seater sofa all by itself 🤷‍♀️

Waiting impatiently for another MAFS @SheldonesqueDoesNotBelongHere!

As pp said - what is it with the extreme white contouring around the eyes / top half of face?

They all do it but but Lysteria looks like a bad ‘cut and join’ job done by Dodgy Dave -no job too small - Motors; “We don’t ask questions” [taps nose and winks]

I am too MrsCatE

I’m not sure on the white contouring. It could be Polyfilla.

That contouring is the only thing whiter than the teeth.

I appear to have stumbled on an alternate universe. What the actual Jeff was that pageant? Talk about desperate. I cannot relate to Lystra because she's just made herself like some mad parody of a woman. Why have they fallen out with Hanna and Nicole? It's all just bonkers now. Ester seems normal.

I’m seriously thinking on a pageant for our Christmas works do.

I am pretty sure I can write poems.
I’m pretty sure I could paint expletives on a canvas.
And I am pretty sure my natural backside is on a par with Lacklystra’s.

I’m also pretty sure my mam would not like me taking her pearls to use as a thong.

I will say, for the record, the only way I could manage to shove my legs round my neck like Ester would be if someone dislocated my legs from my hips.

And even then I’d need a hefty yank.

What is your party piece maireas?

Well, Sheldon, funny you should ask. I can actually eat a KitKat while teaching yr10s without them noticing. It involves pretending to go round the room, checking their work.
I have no arse, such boobs have to be hoiked up with industrial scaffolding and my varicose veins look like a map of tributaries of the Amazon.The only surgery I've had is a C-section and it has not improved my abdomen.
Carnival clothing is therefore out.
I used to be able to hoola hoop, but not since Ted Heath was in power.

Skills 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My backside can be seen from space. Should it be in carnival attire, the Mars rover would be drawn to it.

And should my bosom not be tethered, the swinging could clear pavements and damage wing mirrors.

I love that you can have a sneaky. Kitkat. I’d be rumbled.

I can fit 3 creme eggs in my mouth though.

I was never able to hulahoop.

It isn’t gooi

Eh?

Going to happen now either.

I fear it would act as a very large tourniquet and my legs would fall off.

😂😂😂😂
I think we should start a Real Housewives of Mumsnet! Our lives consisting not of spa days, beauty treatments, dinners and arguments, but going to work, putting the washing on, eating junk food on the sofa and having a laugh with each other. No party tricks involved.

ps impressed by the creme eggs

Ooh that’s a good idea @Maireas - let’s start thinking of our tag lines “You may think I’m CatE [geddit?] but I’m just protecting my Pussy”.

😂😂😂!!!! Love it, Cat!
"I'm Maireas, I may be short, but I'm not short on sassiness"