Caroline Flack: her life and death

[Rollergirl11]

Starting a thread in readiness for 9pm.

Clearly troubled from an early age, very sad, we still have a long way to go with mental health.

Her mother and sister were very open about her and how troubled she was, but neither said whether she had any help for her mental health problems . And, unless I missed it, we didn't see her father, is he with her mother or was she brought up in a single parent family ?

Her mother was absolutely right when she said that people who have long term mental health issues still aren't talking about it. I know we have every reality TV star and influencer popping up on Instagram to tell everyone how they are suffering from anxiety and everyone shuts people down with #Bekind.

I am related to someone with life long mental illness, she has been sectioned twice. No one has been able to help her, she's never really had much practical help just short bursts of counselling and lots of prescriptions for different drugs which she chooses to stop and start at will. She will never talk about her condition, due to shame and confusion and fear of judgment. She has hidden her feelings all her life until she reaches breaking point and needs medical intervention. This is the reality of mental illness, it's not about posing in your underwear online and saying "I have low self esteem". Really?

I think Caroline's mother was right when she said that she was probably in the wrong profession for someone so fragile. She really seemed to attract the wrong kind of man too, although her friends seem lovely.

But I've heard more than one story about her being abusive to boyfriends; the police were right in their actions.

It was the cps who chose to prosecute. I know someone who did much worse to her partner and she was cautioned, she's a nobody though and doesn't sell newspapers. I truly believe it only went as far as it did because she was a celebrity.

I also feel a bit uncomfortable with some elements.

I only had it on a bit in the background but Lewis (her BF at the time) wasn't on? Do the family blame him somewhat for that night?

Was there any mention of her getting help at any stage after these multiple attempts at self harm post break ups?

It is incredibly sad what she went through and she was so incredibly fragile. But also agree with a PP that there is no way a documentary would be aired about a man who was accused of domestic violence.

@userxx

But I've heard more than one story about her being abusive to boyfriends; the police were right in their actions.

It was the cps who chose to prosecute. I know someone who did much worse to her partner and she was cautioned, she's a nobody though and doesn't sell newspapers. I truly believe it only went as far as it did because she was a celebrity.

Well the police were wrong in the instance where the person who did worse was cautioned. Not with CF.

@Badadabing

“When Lewis was with Caroline she gave him about £25,000 to pay off his debts. Plus she paid for absolutely everything in their lives – rent, clothes, food, going out, holidays"

let's not forget this ^ ^

He take her money and messages other females....but she still said she loved him.

Lost everything, it's all incredibly sad.

I don't understand this?

So if a man works full time. Pays the mortgage. Bills. Takes the family on holiday it's ok if he hits his wife?

@user1471543094

I also feel a bit uncomfortable with some elements.

I only had it on a bit in the background but Lewis (her BF at the time) wasn't on? Do the family blame him somewhat for that night?

Was there any mention of her getting help at any stage after these multiple attempts at self harm post break ups?

It is incredibly sad what she went through and she was so incredibly fragile. But also agree with a PP that there is no way a documentary would be aired about a man who was accused of domestic violence.

Or maybe the family didn't want him on because he'd mention being hit with a lamp, similarly the ex who posted 'abuse has no gender' about her, wasn't shown. All the men were much younger than her and in most cases in very different financial circumstances, if we flipped ages and genders it would be expected that the celebrity was giving them money - so while Lewis at least sounds like he behaved badly as a boyfriend, it's not a justification for violence.

It's very sad that a woman who was clearly fragile and was a good friend and family member had such a difficult time and died. But so was the abuser in my family mentally fragile and lovely to his friends and siblings and mum. This outpouring of grief and celebration of her life with little to no mention of the reason that there was so much negative press is massively minimising intimate partner violence.

I agree Rubicon.

I had an ex who used to self harm and threaten suicide if I mentioned breaking up. When he was violent to me, he would hurt himself through guilt, so the attention would turn from what he did to me to how bad it made him feel. It kept me in a controlling relationship for far longer than I should have.

Surely in effect all abusers are damaged in some way? They all have mental health issues that cause them to act in the way they do.

She needed help years before any of this happened. She obviously had an extreme reaction to rejection of any kind.

this is my point user

if your ex had killed himself why would it be oh poor him he had mh lets forget he was an abuser i dont see why men are villified but women arent

similarly the ex who posted 'abuse has no gender' about her, wasn't shown.

I could be wrong but I thought it was Andrew Brady that posted that, and he was shown in the program briefly? If it was him didn’t he remove that IG post a day later and admit that he was drunk when he wrote it? I’m not sure that he was an entirely reliable witness.

To be clear I’m not saying that it’s a justification for violence.

yes it was andrew brady he posted a non disclosure agreement he had with her but removed the post as thats breaking the agreement

the point is she has done this before-he said at the time he wasnt surprised

It's very sad that a woman who was clearly fragile and was a good friend and family member had such a difficult time and died. But so was the abuser in my family mentally fragile and lovely to his friends and siblings and mum. This outpouring of grief and celebration of her life with little to no mention of the reason that there was so much negative press is massively minimising intimate partner violence

Sorry posted too soon. Meant to say I agree with the above. All the sympathy for CF makes me feel pretty uncomfortable in the circumstances.

I actually think it sends a dangerous message to abusers as well. If you're accused then kill yourself and everyone will forget about all those bad things and you'll be celebrated.
Except of course it wouldn't be that way for men, they would be accused of being a coward and not facing up to their actions.

I get the family want to protect her, and there is always an element of not wanting to speak badly of someone who has passed, and her circumstances were tragic....but the minimising is shocking to me. Her family just wanted it all to be forgotten about because she was so fragile. A fragility that they knew about, but no one else did.

Just finished watching - you cannot watch it without feeling for her mum, sister and best friend, you just can't.
Clearly there were issues and clearly her defence would have relied on that coming out in court and clearly that was a huge source of shame, guilt and embarrassment for her.
Apart from one use of the passive voice (Lewis received a cut to the head) I didn't think that it was a case of minimising or lauding her: her family and friends came across very well but it was clear from the documentary that Carrie had been a source of worry over a long period of time and that hidden side was what was being addressed - the worst as well as the best of her.

I honestly struggled with this.

Her family

But her sister I just can’t let myself think about losing the other half of me. 😢

Feel very sorry for her mum and sister - but I found the programme itself very problematic. There is just NO WAY it would ever have been made/aired about a man who had been arrested and charged with assaulting his gf and who had form for that sort of behaviour with past gfs too. Poor mental health, low self esteem, insecurity and depression are not excuses for physically abusing others.

I have only just watched it. So awful that she killed herself. Tragic.
But I don’t believe a man would be treated in the same way in the same situation. She was an adult. Adults don’t get into fights that lead to the police being called. Her behaviour was unacceptable.

'So if a man works full time. Pays the mortgage. Bills. Takes the family on holiday it's ok if he hits his wife?'

What a thing to say!

I'd be upset if my boyfriend of 6 months and who I had given 25k to to pay off their debts and bank rolled everything for them was texting women to hock up while I was out for an evening

Would it be a fair assumption to say I would be upset, angry, emotional...

We will never know what actually happened that night, what was said by either parties in the heat of the moment but anyone who has experienced the heart breaking pain of a break up or sick in the stomach feeling finding out the one you love is cheating will know it's deep and raw.

To be clear I'm not saying physical violence is ok by any party, it's not the answer or the way to deal with the situation - before anyone jumps on that band wagon again!

Maybe I’m wrong but my take on Lorraine Kelly was different - I didn’t think she was being unkind, I felt the “that’s showbusiness” comment wasn’t a dig about Caroline Flack, it was more “Really? This is what’s news today?” kind of thing.

Dawn O'Porter talks a lot about her close friendship with Caroline Flack, her grief is palpable. She has said that she was asked to take part in the documentary, but didn't feel able to at the time.

@tofuschnitzel in the credits it says thanks to dawn and then charities. Not to anyone else in the programme. I wondered why.

@tofuschnitzel

Dawn O'Porter talks a lot about her close friendship with Caroline Flack, her grief is palpable. She has said that she was asked to take part in the documentary, but didn't feel able to at the time.

Dawn O'Porters name was in the credits at the end. What did she do?