5th thread MAFS AUS - Dryyyyyyy cleaaaaaaning and red whine on the house and on a frock

[SheldonesqueIsUnwell]

Will that do?

Time to peel off the comedy lashes and put this thread to bed.

.

Why did Jules not ask Ning to be a bridesmaid too?

I thought she was going to and then when she said Melissa instead I was shocked!

@ktp100

I neeeeeeeeeeeded Marfa to get dragged over the coals by the ixperts there - disappointing.

BUT - oh my days, I think I Mafsgasmed when they played the Jess/Nic proposition !!!!!!!

Reality TV GOLD!!!!!!!

Her FACE!!!
Daaaaaaaaan's FACE!!!!!
The male ixpert's blatantly amused FACE!!!

It was a thing of pure beauty.

AND we got to learn that the tin woman actually has a heart!!

I'm gonna have to watch this episode again. And again.

Shame Channel 4 don't like us enough to start the 2019 series tonight - anyone know if it's imminent?

'Mafsgasmed '

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Ooooooooooooh just watched that YouTube clip *@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows* - thankyou for that! I was desperate to see what happened next after last night and this is perfect! Bloody Jess can't help but keep lying and then tripping herself up with her own lies. She wouldn't know the truth if it chucked a glass of red wine over her head! Sneaky bitch. She clearly gets dumped as they're not together any longer.

He dumped her straight after that interview. I Googled it.

I’ve not read anything. I am writing this courtesy of my inner Cyril. What I intend to do to my Micko is for my eyes alone. Anyway. I did not have a good night and I’m tired and grumpy and may well be a bit harsh...

Wait what now? How come that spineless lying twit gets to pull out of this? What an absolute coward. About as cowardly as my auto correct it seems. I typed twat...

Well mate. We saw you. We judged. You’ve no bastard honour mate. Thank absolute fuck I didn’t have to serve alongside a melt like you. If you couldn’t face this I’d wonder how you would have managed when the shit hit the fan. Courage under fire? Not that I can see.

Hoidi and Moike. Some of you lot had better have cried. I got a bit eyeswimmy (I’m TIYYYYUARD!!!). Sake. I wish it had been different for them.

But I’m glad that Heidi listened to her own heart for her own heart’s sake. Sake sake sake. The fucksfucksfucks variety. The way they were holding on to each other. About 15 years ago I held someone like that. Wrong time. Wrong life. Wrong everything. But love is there. And can’t bloom. Poor Heidi. Poor Mike. All the right ingredients. Just the wrong recipe.

I’m really upset. Where did that come from.

Ah. Thank fuck. I’m on!!! Time to smile. This is the pair I’d hoped for love to happen to. I’d also hoped she would ditch the purple grey blusher. We can’t have everything we hope for it seems!

And that melting MichaelJackson tribute rolled her eyes at her. Again. Cyrell is a whirlwind. A bit harsh sometimes. But the girl is true.

‘You’re a baybeeeeeeee’ No she ain’t Marfa. She is true and honest and a force of nature. She had you pegged (I didn’t at the start) and if you got your code right out of your hoohaa you would see it boat girl... Cyrell is worth many thousands of you. At least she still has her own face to go with her morals. Yours seem to have fallen by the wayside a long time ago girly.

Lizzie looks more and more like BabyJane. God help me though, she deserves to look wounded but it is so exaggerated that it is almost comical. And insta could barely keep the smirk of her face.

Lizzie is right. Sam is disgusting. And a big fat liar judging by her vehement reaction.

Oh no no kitty kat. Shut yer mouth Mike. I’d forgiven you mate. Pipe down. Heidi’s face mirrors mine.

Good on you Ines. I love you for that. Like I said before, Ines has been a bit of a cahnt but her heart is good. It’s just a chippy shell. Unlike the feckin instagrimtwins who are rotten. Good on you lass.

She has the heart to show contrition. And she has more balls than that melt to join Lizzie on the sofa.

And Bronson is a gent and lovely for recognising the pain Sam caused Ines and Lizzie. And Ines was lovely to apologise to Bronson too.

I’ve no doubt that That melt played with people. No doubt.

Oh don’t cry love. You poor soul. Jesus I’m crying again.

But look at her Lizzie. THAT is wounded. Look at her Mike. THAT is what your gentlemanly good guy mate does.

It was HIS choice not to come. Absolutely HIS CHOICE TO BE SUCH A LILYFECKINLIVERED COWARD.

Oh here we go. Insta and Daaaan.

What the ruddy chuff is she wearing?

Eh what? Good father? And yet not met his bairn? Wait what now? Are you listening to yourself speaking shite? And not spending time together? What?

Am I missing something? This isn’t making sense. The code breakers at Bletchley would struggle.

It is like this

I am not a cahnt I am not a cahnt
I am not a cahnt I am not a cahnt
I am not a cahnt I am not a cahnt
I am a total cahnt I am a total cahnt
I am not a cahnt I am not a cahnt
I am not a cahnt I am not a cahnt
I am not a cahnt I am not a cahnt

The truth is in there somewhere. She knows it. Might admit bits of it. But lies lies lies.

And his body language... what is going on???? I’m not sure he feels that bad. Just squirming cos he looks like a baw bag. Not Prada though.

Don’t you dare sob Cam head in your hands?? Shake yourself.

Whoohooo. They are dripping the Nic bomb

She knows fine what she did. She looks more worried than a nun peeing on a stick... bet she denies it all...

Can’t deny what is in front of you matey...

Daaaaaaann’s face. Just as well he has a face the width of my thigh. Some kind of musculature is keeping his jaw from dropping to his baws.

Cyrell and kick the kennel???? I don’t usually go down this route but you miserable open all hours boot.

And nic, just drop her in it. By keeping your mouth shut you are doing a disservice to Cyril. You should have told Cyril earlier too.

It looks like you’ve gone from Nic to Daaaaaaaaab because you did. Do they do revolving hoohaas doors in 7/11s??? You’d think...

And although I don’t care for smirking at others’ misfortune - I loved my Micko smirking!!!

Last couple? Cam and Jules?

What about that melted candle? Who is calling her to task?????

I - well, we - wuz robbed. She needs to be called for her behaviour and her part in the nasties.

And all through it Mel’s jaw was giving it rootytoot.

It is like her teeth are fighting to get out as hard as she is trying to keep them in.

I’m gutted. gutted

I wanted Marfa to get her comeuppance 😭

I’m stunned silent. And I can’t find my words so sorry. This is not a winning review.

I’m still tired. And grumpier.

But at least I’m not a grim revolving hoohaa.

I am nestled within this tribe. I’ve just read the comments and I think we’ve all said pretty much the same.

I forgot to ask what about Ning and Mark - I’d have rather watched them than Flo and Andy Capp.

I’m getting a bit uncomfy watching them. She pats him like a son. Either that or she is seeing him like a walking pipe of baby joose.

Itch scratched looking at the updates...

janejeffer

😍 I’m blown away. I am not worthy. I’m sorry but my post will have been a bit of a disappointment. 😖. I’m super tired and it is probably a 1/10. And I’m grumpy. But I’m as vain as Marfa and I’ve saved it in my photos. 🤩 Beats anything Prada. Fo sho 😘

I also saw the one with ex virgin matt sporting his lovely new bristles.... Greetin’ 🤣

Brilliant summary Sheldon!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Insta on that update tv clip.

I hit on Nic but no I didnae. I really didn’t. I said it because you expected me to say it. It looked like it but I didn’t. That wasn’t what I meant at all. I didn’t hit on him. Or did I?

And posing with her brother with nowt but three inches of polyester.

Classy.

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell don’t be disappointed about Maaaaarrrrffffaaaaaa. She wants air time, but she didn’t get it cos they’re sooooooooo boring. That’s the ultimate insult to her media hungry, cold,black heart.

Great summary @SheldonesqueIsUnwell

They could have squished the renewals into two programmes or even just one. And had dinner party and finale over four evenings so we got all the drama.

How can someone who behaves in the way Martha does still be in a relationship. It honestly gives me no hope of ever finding love 😢

Do you think the couples get regular counselling sessions with the experts?
I’d like to see more mention of that on the show if they do. Not necessarily watching the sessions but acknowledgement that they were with expert A today as needed advice/support over xyz type stuff.

What’s the plans this evening folks? Is there anything else worth watching?

You are right of course benji

Given that it might be illegal to starve her of oxygen, we can at least starve her of the thing that she’d probably sell her quota of oxygen for... 😉

running

If I have to act like maaaaaaarffa in order to find love then I will be staying single.

I’m grey (not like Cyrell but grey hairy) so could join the smoking set and turn myself orange. I could go sheiking things I shouldn’t. I could whine like a trampled grape but I won’t.

I can’t be marffffffaaaaa.

I don’t want to be maaaarrrrrfffffffa.

Did you see the gold instathingy towel comment by Mattymanbun/shavenpuppet pic? Back a page or so?

What is all that with the spent tubes?

I hope to Christ it was gold paint.

I’d worry for the hoohaa that had to accommodate something that required that much lube 🧐

I’m still laughing about the 7-11 comment Cyrell made. There was one at the top of my nans’s street. Cyrell rocks.

That insta picture though. Who the hell thinks it’s ok to pose like that for all and sundry to see? What is Michael thinking? I’m old aren’t I?

I’m older benji

And the only way I’d be lying in a heap at the end of the bed like that would be if I’d tangled myself up in a sheet trying to go to the toilet in the middle of the night.

Loooooooool (Maaaarrrrfffffaaaa stlye)

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

janejeffer

😍 I’m blown away. I am not worthy. I’m sorry but my post will have been a bit of a disappointment. 😖. I’m super tired and it is probably a 1/10. And I’m grumpy. But I’m as vain as Marfa and I’ve saved it in my photos. 🤩 Beats anything Prada. Fo sho 😘

I also saw the one with ex virgin matt sporting his lovely new bristles.... Greetin’ 🤣

You've given me some great laughs on these threads and especially last week when I was on a bit of a lockdowner. I'll miss the thread more than the programme which was getting a bit stretched out to fill the time.

Thanks to all you bitchez on here for being so funny and telling it like it is!

Absolutely jane

The thread has been the gift that keeps on giving.

Let us hope that series 7 is on the tellybox in two shakes of a sheik’s (ahem) ‘tail’..

I think you're right, deprive Marfaa of the TV air time oxygen she craves. Do you think she would have liked to be a yacht girl if Thats a thing still?

And maybe my bad ears but thought Jess said Dad and not Dan about 30s into the link JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows posted. I cringed to the 5m mark and couldn't watch the rest.

Am going to wait for some other gem to come on TV as have enjoyed following these threads of mighty fine words.

Hahahaha Sheldon
The only thing I don't agree with you is that Ines was lovely to apologise to Bronson. I think you've forgotten how badly she treated him, and it was a non-apology really: ''I'm sorry if you felt I..."

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell you're doing yourself a disservice. Defo not a 1/10 - I'd give you a v good at the very least.

Anyway I just came on to show off my new MAFS username. Whaddya think ladies? I think I might keep it. (Formerly chocolatesaltyballs22) 😁

She lost me at the sobbing hmmm

I was snivelling myself - I think she was being genuine although I admit I might not have been listening properly!

I don’t like seeing folk break like that. There just seemed to be a realisation/epiphany there. I don’t know of course but I called her upside down and inside out when she was being awful to Bronson but my heart (black and wizened as it is) just broke for her.

I couldn’t give a shiny one about the instas. They could weep pretty tears until they managed to float me down to the coast and still I’d be giving them the side eye as I bobbed amongst the poop and nappies.

Insta looked more pissed off/embarrassed that she’s been caught out about Nic - but not sorry. She looked as though she was fuming inside. She’s probably lightly smoked her kidneys.

Maaaarfa prob doesn’t know how to be sorry. I’ll bet she was sorry about that red splodge on her frock though

I really do think Ines was real. And sorry. Ex cahnt if you will.

I hope she finds happiness.

I hope Mattymattymanbun/action man suede head finds his orbs.

I think the only person who will find insta will be a fane hooer or maybe she will just have to do photo ops grinding in people sandwiches near her bro.

I have a touch of sympathy. Like a tiny bit. Folk who have had happy lives don’t act like that.

But as I said. A tiny bit.

Not forgiving the smirking ever about Micko crying.