I MAY DESTROY YOU - mon and tue bbc 1045

[Blondeshavemorefun]

New dram series starts tonight on bbc 1

With only hours left to deliver a draft of a book to her publishers , writer Arabella is tempted into a night out with a friend ........


the series is set in London and centers around the story of a young woman who must rebuild her life after her drink is spiked with a date rape drug

[mizu]

Thanks Ulysses. A few more to look forward to then. Watching 5 now.

[Ellabella222]

What’s with that Theo? What a complicated character she is.

[Chienloup]

Two more brilliant episodes this week.
I thought the actor playing the young Terry was amazing, so much like her. And I wonder if the girls ad-libbed any of the stuff at school, because it was so true to life and flowed so brilliantly.

[Ellabella222]

I saw a Twitter discussion today. A Black person telling another Black person not to watch as it was triggering, said white people like to watch black trauma and that’s why the programme was being so well received.

I found this curious. I guess it could be ‘triggering’ (hate that term). Most of the characters are black. The white people are the least sympathetic in it, it’s written by a black woman with some great performances by the actors. Doesn’t seem right to say we’re watching it to enjoy ‘black trauma’. They are missing out on a great programme.

The complexities of race and gender are in there. No doubt. At first I was watching as a woman and saw it as a very gendered drama. The introduction of Theo has brought something new to grapple with. Are we sympathetic to her as she seems to have been used but it was horrible the way she set up that boy. She’s clearly very damaged too.

It’s so well written. And challenging.

[Ellabella222]

Sorry I reread my post. I don’t mean ‘we’ and assuming everyone here discussing it is white. I am sure we’re not. I was typing in a stream of consciousness!

The show deals with race, gender and sexuality and is a challenge no matter where you’re coming from.

[CherryValanc]

@Ellabella222

I saw a Twitter discussion today. A Black person telling another Black person not to watch as it was triggering, said white people like to watch black trauma and that’s why the programme was being so well received.

I found this curious. I guess it could be ‘triggering’ (hate that term). Most of the characters are black. The white people are the least sympathetic in it, it’s written by a black woman with some great performances by the actors. Doesn’t seem right to say we’re watching it to enjoy ‘black trauma’. They are missing out on a great programme.

The complexities of race and gender are in there. No doubt. At first I was watching as a woman and saw it as a very gendered drama. The introduction of Theo has brought something new to grapple with. Are we sympathetic to her as she seems to have been used but it was horrible the way she set up that boy. She’s clearly very damaged too.

It’s so well written. And challenging.

I think you might be able to understand this thinking. If a Black person is saying to another Black person not to watch because it's triggering, that is a perfectly valid opinion.

If it was just women being raped and sexually assaulted and watched by men, a woman could be forgiven for thinking there was entertainment in seeing the trauma. Where society has repeatedly shown that dominate (those that hold the power and privilege) groups of society don't really care about the suffering and difficulties of other groups. Then it's completely understandable why someone might think the dominate group like to watch the suffering. It's done daily in real life, not necessarily actively, but passively or simply by not accepting it exists or an issue.

I'm worded that badly I imagine!

[icebearforpresident]

Watched both episodes last night, I can’t figure out Theo at all. I thought I knew where that story was going then we got the revel at the end with her mum and step dad and it left me doubting everything we learned in the beginning. Was that just me?

[NewNewt]

Still a victim of abuse by her mother? Shows all different types of sexual abuse.

Anyone else think it weird she didnt ask who the racist they have arrested was?

Can someone explain to me again how the assistant girl told her or implied he had done the same thing to her?

[Absofruitly]

I believe the key scene in ep 5 was when the young woman from the publisher says to Arabella at the literary event, when looking at Zain after their chat about 'subtext': 'It's impossible to protect yourself from his nature. I've known quite a few women...'. They exchange a nod and knowing look.

That seemed to say both she, Arabella and countless others had sexual encounters with Zain where he behaved selfishly, irresponsibly or worse.

[Absofruitly]

I am enjoying this more and more with every episode. Did anyone notice in the episode 6 scene with the kids in the school playground, in the background there was a full-on fight going on and the girl who was beaten up was just left lying on the playground with everyone ignoring her. Even in the background there is so much to notice and explore about violence and responsibility.

[PerditaProvokesEnmity]

Ep 5 ... Possibly the most beautiful TV episode I've ever seen. (Outside Detectorists, maybe.)

Just stupendous.

[Ellabella222]

@cherryvalanc I hear what you’re saying. Of course it is totally valid. Have problems watching any kind of sexual violence tbh. I think this is in context though but I’m speaking as a white person, I get that.

I suppose making any ‘entertainment’ amount rape is a problem when you come down to it.

[PerditaProvokesEnmity]

Here's a nice interview with Weruche Opia / Terry which answers some of the queries people raised about Ep 3.

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

Terry is probably my favourite character, the teenage Terry and Arabella were perfect.

[ellifjg]

I've watched all 6 episodes and found it incredibly powerful viewing.

I'm a woman in my late 40s but I've been in similar situations in the past (although just off my head on drink rather than drugs. I don't think I was ever spiked but honestly I was blackout drunk sometimes so I can't be certain). It got me thinking about past experiences, I have had men refuse a condom (and I've gone ahead because I didn't feel I could say no) or use one and claim it 'fell off'. It never occurred to me the latter could be framed as rape. It is making me reconsider many past experiences. I have been coerced into sex or sex acts many times, or felt obliged. In a ONS situation or a fledgling relationship. Often with men I really wasn't that into. I think it is incredibly common.

[Dontfuckingsaycheese]

It's called 'stealthing'. The condom thing. I'm doing CPD courses during lockdown _ I've just finished a one on harmful sexual behaviours.

[NewNewt]

ellifjg Same age as you and completely agree. It's hard to watch and look back at the men that took the piss isn't it? It's kind of depressing that things haven't got any better for young women, in fact worse with all those hook up apps.

[PerditaProvokesEnmity]

Strange isn't it? The Pill was supposed to introduce freedom and independence - and my generation is now looking back on exploitation and obligation (as well as the better stuff). OLD /instant hook ups look like brutal anarchy and the death of emotion to me - but I guess to people of Michaela Cole's age it's a satisfactory way to live one's life ...

[ellifjg]

Newnewt yes it's kind of sad it's still the same shit happening to young women (and gay men to, as per Kwame) but I guess the difference is that at least now it's recognised as a crime. I remember in my uni days all the Reclaim the Night marches (which I never went on as my social groups all dismissed them as 'mad feminists'...I was a lot older before I realised being a feminist wasn't a bad thing, and didn't equate to hating men). Back then the idea that if women didn't get drunk, wear short skirts or whatever, be out late at night, they'd not get raped. I hope those views are now a thing of the past, even though rape and abuse sadly are very much still happening.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting and having casual sex, whatever gender or sexual orientation you are. What is wrong is misusing power, or making it about power and control rather than some enjoyable physical activity.

[famousforwrongreason]

@ellifjg, I'm the same age as you and yes, there is no real surprises in this show and I'm surprised that so many women are expressing shock about the drink and drugs lifestyle.
Many, many women have experienced sexual assaults without knowing they've been assaulted. Could be inexperience, lack of knowledge, fear, fear of looking stupid, wanting to be liked or just being too drunk or fucked up to say no.
I look back at many of my experiences and I now know that they were assaults and rapes. It is scary and depressing, especially as a parent.
I think the show has been very triggering throughout but the biggest shock to me was how the gay guy's reporting was handled.
Just heartbreaking seeing him shut down. They wouldn't test him due to having had consensual sex, despite the fact that the condom had been refused for the rape.
I think this is how women reporting was treated a few years ago but now people are starting to belive us more.
I remember as a young person, I'd never have dared to report any questionable sexual events because I assumed that I would be dragged through the courts as a wanton woman.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Glad Bella exposes zain

Tho Round the /table she says it and no one seems to bat an eye

But glad she did in public and all filmed by terry

Sad for Kwame that police didn’t seem to do much

Was it as gay black or as had consensual sex few mins before so not beleived :(

6 tonight

[Lottapianos]

Poor Kwame in the police station. The policeman was just pitiful, absolutely awful. Zero care or compassion

Theo - what an interesting character. Hope we get to see more of her

[famousforwrongreason]

Does anyone know how many episodes there are?
I honestly thought it ended last week, I was gutted until I read it on here about 5 & 6.
I’ve cried at every episode, kinda triggering, kinda cathartic.
I’m kind of reassured by stuff like this as despite it being a (reality based) drama, it’s realistic, thought provoking and really helping to shine a light into those grey areas

[covetingthepreciousthings]

Does anyone know how many episodes there are?

12 I believe

[iwilltaketwoplease]

Woah this programme is ALOT.

Brings back memories I've tried to bury.

Feel for Theo especially when she was young, she's been damaged from early years, can't wait to learn more about her.

Feel so sorry for Kwame, he must feel so isolated I hope he opens up about it to the others.