Keeeeeep cooking! It's Masterchef The Professionals Thread 2

[Halsall]

The story so far: Scotch egg disaster: monkfish mayhem. Will there be foam, soil, smear and/or crumb?

Now read on.....

Sadly I did Four

I’m out In Real Life tomorrow but keep Gregg’s lap warm for me and see you all laterz

And sometimes fourq dreams about a naked Jay Rayner feeding her grapes.

Is it terrible that the only way I could think of to keep Gregg's lap warm was akin to what happened to Lisa Faulkener's character in Spooks?

Till tomorrow, chaps.

Three guys that went through were fantastic?

Not all guys...

The right ones went through. It's been fun tonight - see y'all tomorrow

@grouchy I nearly spat my laughing then

grouchykiwi
Yes, terrible but ikwym 😀

I'm glad Luke went, I couldn't stand looking at his ears.

He wears a baker boy cap
He gurns like Les Dawson
He's very annoying
He flirts with the younger female contestants
He's a talking clock
He treats women his own age like old dears
He has a face like an overboiled suet pudding
All he can talk about is the time
He is Gregg Wallace

Superbly summarised (sorry - I can't be arsed to put asterisks at the end of every line to embolden it. Use your imagination. Like I'm having to not being able to watch the telly)

I was on some trains and I missed it. Catch-up essential, if only for the lobe references?

Schaden - I have just escaped the yoke of Virgin Media as it was getting ridiculously expensive even without all the premium telly. just waiting for the packaging to send the box etc back. Footle - you might have to skip through it as there were many extra-tedious bits amongst the general dross. and there are two more hours this week still to come. but nothing else on if you can't be bothered to sift through Netflix.

I joined at Marcus spitting out the last offering

Can't wait for catch up and I'll re-read all your comments along with the programme.

Sometimes it seems that one group has to fillet a unicorn and stuff it with cabbage done three ways whilst the others just open a tin of soup.

Yes - I've always thought that.

I can see why they gove two different ones - watching 6 chefs boiling down hooves to make a nourishing gruel could get a little tedious, but they shoul be of similar levels of difficulty.

WHO THE FUCK SHORTENS BÉCHAMEL TO “BECH”

There's some sick bastards out there . . . .

If someone ever writes Mumsnet The Musical there so should be a number called I'd smash him like a plate at a Greek wedding fnar, fnar.

ON IT! Bierss

See also “ride”, best known in the following context:
“I’d ride him in to battle”

Shirley

TELLING THE TIME AND MARRYING WOMEN HE MEETS ON TWITTER IS LITERALLY ALL GREGG CAN DO.

Not even very good at telling the time (incognito)squoosh

Oh dear, sandwich FAIL. THE CLAW strikes again.

That line is SO going into my musical Halsall. You will of course, get a credit on the programme.

bring on Sooty. we could do with some wise words from him

Sooty is indeed the philosopher for our age.

Fried lettuce?!

Everybody knows that you sous vide a lettuce Chankly. This so-called chef must be a fraud and a scoundrel of the highest order

I think it’s very interesting how much some of them cock up on a more “simple” skills test. Even I could butcher a chicken and make a respectable sandwich but they really struggled with it! I think it’s due to them lacking in experience. Many of them only seem to have a narrow range of skills.

the dog threw up on the carpet (and ate it, as dogs do, disgusting things).

She's just trying to be helpful Grouchy

Like that weird bloke a while back who said he didn't use spices (iirc)

I remember him Halsall - from Cumbria or somewhere, I think.

Didn't he finally try some spice in something and was amazed that his own food actually tasted of something?

He was a twat!

I have just escaped the yoke of Virgin Media as it was getting ridiculously expensive even without all the premium telly. just waiting for the packaging to send the box etc back.

I will have to speak to Mr Schaden pencil - he is terribly set in his ways - but I am an accomplished harridan and can nag for England.

Well - apologies for thread monopoly this morning - I am suffering withdrawal - I would say "cold turkey", but this is a show of culinary excellence and it would probably be banned.

It's not just lack of skills though is it? It's lack of respect for the food, as either Greg or Marcus said. One of the contestants just hacked at the chicken, none of them grilled the bread, tomato wasn't trimmed properly.

A chicken sandwich could/should be a thing of beauty, but it was as if they couldn't be bothered with it..

Ah, you guys, you GUYS

I’m standing in a grim station waiting-room on a cold November morning contemplating another day of rage, frustration and the incompetence of others (aka work) and reading all your latest comments. This thread’s a bloody LIFESAVER ignores fellow-passengers wondering why the strange woman is laughing to herself

Schady I love how, having missed the programme, you’ve just come and cherry picked the comments from the thread. Maybe each week you can do this for anyone else who missed the programme and just needs an easily digestible (pun intended) snapshot of the show?!

Is Bech really short for Béchamel? I'm thinking of the well known Shakespearean hero Sir Toby Bech, who died of a surfeit of white sauce.

But I may be slightly delirious.