Celebrity Masterchef

[squoosh]

The new series of Celebrity Masterchef starts on the 18th June.

It features Chesney Hawkes AND Keith Chegwin! Can your ovaries handle the tsunami of sexiness that will surely ooze from your TV screen? And don’t forget the gorgeous Gregg Wallace, no one else quite carries off that half man/ half shoulder of pork look like the lovely Gregg.

There will be some other Z listers too (probably last spotted playing a baddie on an episode of Bergerac circa 1986) hoping to reignite their careers by wrestling with samphire quenelles.

(There may even be some Marcus Wareing)

[juneybean]

Yes I did a double take at "blue peters most haunted presenter"

[Ellenora5]

I always thought he was American

Some of this lot aren't bad so far.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Chesney has matured well.
Pink pork. Nope.

[Ellenora5]

Thanks ohwhat, didn't recognize her at all

[LoveVintage]

I have an inappropriate crush on John Torode. Greg is such a plonker.

Looking forward to Rylan, he will be a hoot.

[squoosh]

Gregg saying to that woman 'I like the 'temperature of your mash' made me shudder.

[squoosh]

I have Chesney's 'One and Only' hidden in a dark and shameful corner of my ipod.

[ssd]

wonder how much they get paid for doing this shit

[Pomegranatemolasses]

John's looking a bit jowly.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Pig on toast. Such a stupid name. Ah assemblage skills.

[Ellenora5]

Play it loud and proud squoosh :)

[Halsall]

I heard that as 'wry crouton'.


bloody hell, I'm never going to that restaurant. Sounds grim. Pig on toast, wry crouton and crispy snails.

[Pomegranatemolasses]

Chesney has far more work to do than Sarah.

[Halsall]

'It's always thus, Pomegranate (that's a very foodie nn, btw!)

[Hepzibar]

Christ who could eat that? It's not cooked! and neither was Chesney's. They'll get food poisoning. Yuk gross

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

There's a lot of brown on those plates.
What's with that guys haircut?

[Ellenora5]

Battered spring onions, makes a change I suppose

[squoosh]

That chef is channelling Ross from Friends hair circa 1996.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Welcome to the world of raw undercooked wankery Hep.
Speaking of which...

[squoosh]

Girls Aloud have had varying fortunes. I can't imagine Cheryl Change-Her-Name appearing on Masterchef.

[Hepzibar]

Ches put it back in the oven it's not fucking cooked!

[squoosh]

Shame there isn't an audience of thousands who want to hear you sing Chesney.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

With a bit of boot polish Squoosh.
Of course the micro positioning of that smear of hellmans will make the difference to the taste.

[Halsall]

Oh no! The pate's falling off the toast!

Christ.

[Ellenora5]

That pig on toast looks rank.

Why do they give amateurs such hard and fiddly crap to do, sometimes they can't even boil an egg