X FACTOR- it's semi-final week- Beyonce versus Elton John

[Raahh]

Well, not literally, obviously. No fighting in the ring, Voice-stylee (my money would be on Bouncy).

No- this week, our beloved acts are performing 2 songs- a Beyonce one, and an Elton on.

Here are the songs:

Luke Friend
Best Thing I Never Had
Something About The Way You Look Tonight

Nicholas McDonald
Halo
Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Rough Copy
Survivor
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Sam Bailey
If I Were A Boy
Candle In The Wind

Whoever suggested 'Cnadle in the Wind' for ScrewLoose last week, wins the Internet. Congratulations.

Rumours abound that Duff Copy will leave. I hope not.

I'm really sad no-one is doing 'Circle of Life'. In costume

I'm off to the school Christmas fair late. I'm going to need a lot of .

Shazza is awesome. I hope shes back next year, it was dull without her

Do any of the Lidl Muffins remain un-coupled?
They could have a Duffer.

SPORN KLAXON on that minging lip.

JLS are doing their final TV performance on This Morning on Tuesday Raahh.

Year- Duffer on the right could hook up with a Muffin.
They could make a wee Duffin.

You don't have words? Sorry's one, even if its the hardest one...

but where do you think they actually get the clothes from for the contestants? -because I've never seen anything like them in any shop

Do you think they have a pleather sweatshop somewhere?

Is she doing the Marilyn version or Diana version?

Year? I meant Sue

Maryz: you don't need to watch the programme to be able to tell us that!

final performance on richard and judy? Nothing like going out with a midday whimper.It's not exactly the roof at Abbey Road, is it?

THANK YOU snice
I am told that the hip shops in the hip towns have them. And also fungal infections

Am crossing my fingers that we get an actual wind machine for this next one.

Ahh, look, Crood boys dvd is being released.

Sea: bloody Diana version. Definitely.

That Virgin advert is the best thing I've seen all night.

Says it all really.

Who wants to make a bad with me and apply for next years completion?

We will need:

A fake guitar
Unspeakable hair
Poo squatting ability
Zits
To go on a journey
Be 17 and a bit
Abl to dump each other instantly if the judges like one of us more than the rest

Arf at Gateshead being a hip town!

TSS- I can be 'the short one'

Louis messed up with Nicholas' first song.

SeaDevils, it'll be the Marilyn version. Elton said he'd never perform the Diana version again after her funeral. I can't see him letting anyone else do it.

TSS I can be the disabled one.

I've never even considered buying a mr Kipling mince pie. I didn't even know they made mince pies. Surely everyone just buys the supermarket ones that are on offer throughout December.