X FACTOR- it's semi-final week- Beyonce versus Elton John

[Raahh]

Well, not literally, obviously. No fighting in the ring, Voice-stylee (my money would be on Bouncy).

No- this week, our beloved acts are performing 2 songs- a Beyonce one, and an Elton on.

Here are the songs:

Luke Friend
Best Thing I Never Had
Something About The Way You Look Tonight

Nicholas McDonald
Halo
Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me

Rough Copy
Survivor
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Sam Bailey
If I Were A Boy
Candle In The Wind

Whoever suggested 'Cnadle in the Wind' for ScrewLoose last week, wins the Internet. Congratulations.

Rumours abound that Duff Copy will leave. I hope not.

I'm really sad no-one is doing 'Circle of Life'. In costume

I'm off to the school Christmas fair late. I'm going to need a lot of .

Does Luke have a 'No pleather' clause in his contract?

MrsS- Melanie has been been a contestant FOUR times. She doesn't know when to give up.

Thank you director

Yours is better Raah. Robbed.

He just needs white gaiters and he could be a disreputable Regency cad.

They showed him week 1's crappy performance and he thought 'oh that's a good idea. Boring and shit. Let's do that again'.

Sea -there isn't enough pleather in the world to cover him.

This is kind of shouty, Luke.

Is it me, or is he actually kind of creepy with his hair back and that red velvet coat?

Shouty little fecker.

So we are agreed:

The entire mumset nation thinks Louis is a cock
The entire Mumsnet nation thinks Mrs Brown is as funny as a nasty dose

That should be nice not naive, but autocorrect hates me.

No. No he is NOT Devon's finest.
For one, the Yeo Valley boys are up this way.
For two, I guess Muse have had a bigger career. Or the Wurzels.
And for D, no. And also he is Northern apparently.

Plus we mustn't forget Draggy Nanfucker. Devon to the BONE.

He likes the guitar. Covers his tummy, innit.

oh it's that girl, I wouldn't say she was a contestant, a professional wannabe more like!

I agree with both those statements, TSS.

He looks like he's hosting a nasty junior version of Masterpiece Theatre.
Or the sesame street version.

Yes it's his enormous heart.

That's why he wears a 44 inch waist- the enormous heart.

TSS totally agree

TSS - yup!

ROAR at Noel

What's with the rascal Tom round his neck?

The stylist s trying and failing dismally to challenge Russell Brand.

Ooh its John Fashanu.

Wtf have they squeezed Sam into?

DS1 loves a bit of muse.

Louis is determined to hope everyone will vote geographically. However, there are on,y c. 5 million scots and I'd imagine most of them aren't voting or even watching. There are probably fewer people in Devon than that.

And Louis can't even tell the difference between Motherwell and Glasgow. That won't have gone down well.

Wanker-dot-com

Is it me or does Alexandraburke.com look like a giant next to Caroline Flack?