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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

do you ever tell your teenager you hate them?

105 replies

tigergirlcracker · 17/12/2008 12:21

dd pushes my button so much i often find myself lashing out saying i hate her.

also her moods go on and on for days

she is 15

OP posts:
NewHollyOtherIvy · 17/12/2008 12:26

nope, sorry can't say I do (DS is 13).

Sazisi · 17/12/2008 12:28

I think you need to aim to have a bit more self-control. I feel sad for your DD.
My children aren't teenagers but I hope I never say that.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 17/12/2008 12:28

I don't have a teenager but could you just change what you say to her to I hate the way that you are behaving / speaking to me / being disrespectful or whatever?

Original poster
tigergirlcracker · 17/12/2008 12:29

i know i need to control myself more but it just comes out.

she dries me mad with her moods that go on and on for days

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 17/12/2008 12:29

Mine are not teenagers yey, but can honestly say I will never tell them I hate them, I might think it for a few seconds, but would never say it.

Coldtits · 17/12/2008 12:30

If you keep telling her you hate her, I'm not surprised her moods go on for days, who's the teenager?

You don't really hate her, you hate what she is saying/doing. Can you say that instead?

shitehawk · 17/12/2008 12:31

In telling her you hate her, you are behaving like a teenager yourself. You need to have some control over what you say to her.

Hate the behaviour and tell her so, but never, never, never tell a child of any age that you hate them.

Her moods go on for days because she is hormonal ... she has no control over that yet. Imagine how you would feel if someone told you they hated you because you had PMT.

Original poster
tigergirlcracker · 17/12/2008 12:31

after yet another row, she actually told her father i know mum hates me

whoingod, you can't say that till you've been there

OP posts:
ginnny · 17/12/2008 12:33

.
Mine aren't teenagers yet although I do have 15 year old dsd.
They can all be so infuriating at times but I can never imagine telling any of my kids that I hate them.
I also can't imagine how bad it must feel to hear your Mum (or Dad?) say they hate you.
Sorry but I think you are very wrong to say this

shitehawk · 17/12/2008 12:34

Why are you suprised she's telling people you hate her? You've TOLD her you hate her.

Stop it. And stop it now. Apologise to her. Tell her you love her, but you just find her behaviour hard to deal with. Promise her that you will try to be more patient with her, if she will stop pushing your buttons.

Original poster
tigergirlcracker · 17/12/2008 12:34

it just comes out though

OP posts:
ginnny · 17/12/2008 12:36

TGC - Yes I can say I will never tell my child that I hate him.
I just know I would never say that, whatever he had done.

shitehawk · 17/12/2008 12:36

"It just comes out though"

That's what teenagers say.

Grow up. Get some self control. Or get anger management if you really can't control what you say to her.

She is a child. You are the grown-up here; you need to act like one.

Original poster
tigergirlcracker · 17/12/2008 12:36

well you after you've gone through the teenage stage you can say that.

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 17/12/2008 12:38

I can say I will never say it, I know for a fact it would never even cross my mind to say it, its called self control.

shitehawk · 17/12/2008 12:38

If you don't want advice, why post?

If you aren't going to take on board what we are ALL saying, nothing will change and your daughter will end up hating you.

Poor child. Fancy knowing that your own mother hates you. Even if you don't, how is she to know?

dittany · 17/12/2008 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3littlefrogs · 17/12/2008 12:40

I have gone through the teenage stage - twice. I agree with everyone who says no. You are the adult. You need to develop some self control and set the example. I know it is hard, but she is only 15. You have another challenging 2 or 3 years ahead of you, so you need to get to grips with it now.

Original poster
tigergirlcracker · 17/12/2008 12:41

i do want advice, just don't personally feel that until you have been there you can say oh i would never do that.

anyway thats not the real point here anyway

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 17/12/2008 12:42

What is the real point? I am puzzled.

ihavenewsockson · 17/12/2008 12:43

i have a pretty messed up relationship with my mum from over hearing her saying she loved my bro but wasn't so sure about me.

i don't know how screwed up i would be if my mum said she hated me tho.

you need to get a grip on this ASAP.

MrsBadger · 17/12/2008 12:43

"thats not the real point here anyway"

so what is the point?

you want us all to post and say 'Oh yes I do it all the time' so you can feel better?

um... sorry

RubyrubytheRubynosedReindeer · 17/12/2008 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoingodsnameami · 17/12/2008 12:44

But you dont have to have "been there"

I know I wont ever say that to my children, the same way I know I will never say to them that they are

fat
stupid
ugly
etc
etc

I dont actually thinks those things either btw.

shitehawk · 17/12/2008 12:47

The real point is that you are bullying your fifteen year old daughter, and her self-esteem will suffer for it.

Not only that, but you are here bragging about it and not taking on board that it is a crap thing to do.

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