do you ever tell your teenager you hate them?

[tigergirlcracker]

dd pushes my button so much i often find myself lashing out saying i hate her.

also her moods go on and on for days

she is 15

[moyasmum]

Dont hate my dd, dont say it,
but her eye rolling and lack of communication, lack of appreciation of anything/one else, had me in tears this morning ,in front of her.
She was being just one more shitty person,on top of everyone else and the new dog , so i stopped being the adult and became for a while, a hurt little girl.Of course it didnt help the matter.

I know it is hard, but you are coming down to her level, and neither of you need that.

Try and remember that the behaviour will pass and is horrid, deal ewith that without making it personal, no matter how hard it is, even if you have to remove yourself, and next time she wants something calmly say "no", no explanation (as long as it is reasonable). She should learn that she will have to be nice if she wants anything. Get her to come up to your level,by calmly withholding, car trips, extra funds, etc

Think ill do this myself!

[everGreensleeves]

I don't think she wants everyone to say "oh yes, I do it too", I think she wants support and advice on how to control her flashes of anger. She obviously feels terrible about this or she wouldn't be posting. Stop taking the opportunity to be righteously shocked and say something useful!!

[tigergirlcracker]

thanks evergreen

[3littlefrogs]

But the question asked in the op was "do you ever tell your teenager you hate them?"

People were responding to that.

[happystory]

Never. Once said, impossible to forget.

Dh has however said to ds (17) 'I love you but I don't like how you're behaving/speaking' etc.

Think that works....it normally shuts him up!

[tigergirlcracker]

when she goes into one of her sulks for several days on end, i just say well you will need me before i need you.

[3littlefrogs]

Sorry tigergirlcracker, but that sounds like a mean thing to say too. I know teenagers can drive you mad, but I don't think you are handling it appropriately.

[dsrplus8]

i frequently tell dd2 that i hate her behavour, i hate her moods, her shouting at hher siblings and i hate her messy room. but id never say i hate her, i love her even when shes at her worst...........my mother used to say she hated me and my siblings, we were just like our dad(who she also hates), nasty nasty nasty!its toxic and damaging, my big sister has low self worth, no confidence and comfort eats so much her health is suffering,she has depression and puts up with crap from people because of it. why would you do that to your child?

[ggirlsbells]

try not to take her bahaviour so personally
your dd needs you to be an adult
set boundaries but don't mock or insult or belittle
she is only 15 yrs old
she needs to now you love her whatever she does and that is something you can do
tell her you don't mean it,you are sorry and you do need her.
You are pushing yourself away from her and by reacting defensively.

[ginnny]

TGC can you remember what its like to be a teenage girl?
I can. I remember telling my Mum I hated her on a regular basis. I didn't really hate her at all, it was just hormones and general teenage stroppiness. My Mum never ever reacted to it, she would just shrug her shoulders and ignore me.
Now my Mum and I are really close, but I know if she'd retaliated and told me she hated me it would have stuck in my head and really upset me.

[ginnny]

Good advice Ruby - once said it is hard to take it back.

[tigergirlcracker]

th worse thing i have ever said to her was after finding out she was having sex, after reading her diary

you might spend ages doing your hair and make up and look clean on the outside, but your dirty on the inside.

but she is only 15.

[ggirlsbells]

are you for real???

[TheVirginGoober]

I have 14 year old DS. He has AS and ADHD. He is slow, inconsiderate, dirty, smelly and rude...........BUT he is great. I wouldn't dream of telling him I hate him. For starters, I don't. I adore him!

Also have 13 year old DD. She knows how to push my buttons, but I am in charge here and she respects me. We usually end up laughing at each other.

Take back control.

[whoingodsnameami]

Oh ffs, your poor dd

[ggirlsbells]

tripp trapp

[VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly]

ffs there is nothing worse than an unimaginative troll [hhm]

[tigergirlcracker]

i actually wish this wasn't real.

[poshwellies]

TROLL alert

[whoingodsnameami]

Its your first ever thread under this name

[TheVirginGoober]

Perhaps she hates herself and that is the reason she has had sex. She feels worthless and wants some love. If she doesn't get any elsewhere.

[cestlavie]

With ggirlsbells here. Someone who tells their daughter that after having sex "they're dirty on the inside" is either:

(a) a troll

(b) only briefly passing through our time on the way back to theirs

(c) only briefly passing through our reality on the way back to theirs