do you ever tell your teenager you hate them?

[tigergirlcracker]

dd pushes my button so much i often find myself lashing out saying i hate her.

also her moods go on and on for days

she is 15

[tigergirlcracker]

i have been differnet tiger girl names .

if only this wasn't true.
you dont know how much i wish this wasn't true

[poshwellies]

'you might spend ages doing your hair and make up and look clean on the outside, but your dirty on the inside'

If you are for real-you actually sound mentally ill,I would go to the gp and ask for some help dealing with your temper,maybe you have depression also.

[whoingodsnameami]

You wish it was'nt true???

The solution is simple is'nt it??

[VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly]

My ds1 is 19 now and i have never ever ever ever in his life told him i hate him

Whats wrong with you?

[TheVirginGoober]

Get some help.
For yourself not DD.
YOU have a serious problem lady.
GET HELP!!

[tigergirlcracker]

goober, yes i have thougfht of "Perhaps she hates herself and that is the reason she has had sex. She feels worthless and wants some love. If she doesn't get any elsewhere."

[TheVirginGoober]

She is a child.

She needs her Mum.

You need to sort yourself out.

Shame on you.

[unavailable]

Tiger - Are there times you get on well with your daughter or are things this bad between you all the time?

[Pimmpom]

tgc - please apologise to your dd and be there for her. This is the only thing you can do now, if you have said those things to her.

Decide today is the day you are going to change your behaviour.

[flippityjibbet]

maybe go to your gp and ask to be directed to a professional who will give you some parenting advice, and maybe some sessions with your dd. It's clearly not going very well right now.

[ohreindeerwhatamessysleigh]

If this is for real, please get help asap and apologise to your dd.

My mother who said this sort of thing to me on several occasions - 'I hate you', 'I don't like you at all', etc - and it something you never forgive or forget.

[tigergirlcracker]

how do you mean get help?

it does seem bad seeing it written down in black and white.

im sure i'm not the only one that verbally lashes out, although i know it's hard to admit

[TheVirginGoober]

Anybody who lashes out as you have described would be advised to seek help.
It is not normal and you are scarring this child.

[georgimama]

You may not think that you're the only one who verbally lashes out by telling a fifteen year old child that they are dirty on the inside (what exactly is dirty about the female sex organs, by the way? Are you dirty on the inside too?) and that their own mother hates them, but I am willing to bet that you won't find many.

I don't have a teenager but I will never ever ever tell my child I hate him. I know this.

If you aren't a troll, you have problems. You don't seem to be able to recognise that things don't just come out of your mouth, you choose to say them. You need help.

[ohreindeerwhatamessysleigh]

Counselling? Cognitive behaviour therapy? You can get referred by your GP. I had to have therapy to get over the harm my mother did by saying that sort of thing.

[VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly]

Of course i have verbally lashed out at my ds1 in the past, i may have called him a scruffy oik or a pita but i have never said i hate him, you really do need to seek help

[CatchaChristmasStar]

Is this a wind up? It has to be.

You read her diary?

You tell her you hate her?

You said 'you might spend ages doing your hair and make up and look clean on the outside, but your dirty on the inside.'

You think she's having sex because she doesn't feel loved?

No shit sherlock! Feck me, if I was her I would have run away by now. How is your daughter ever supposed to have a decent relationship with you when you treat her this way? She's a teenager, they're supposed to be difficult and annoying. Deal with it like an adult.

I've got a 15 year old sister who drives me mad, but I would never say anything like that to her!

Christ.

[pagwatch]

Tigergirl
It doesn't look bad written down. It is bad.
I have a 15 year old so please don't do the 'you don't understand until you have been there' justification. Nothing would make me speak to any of my chioldren like that. Like someone posted earlier that is something you can't take back. No wonder she is looking for comfort and support elsewhere.

It is a terrible way to speak to a child you are supposed to love. And the 'it just blurts out' is rubbish tbh. Unless you find yourself unable to keep silent when dealing with other adults, or employers or someone who would retaliate then you are only doing it because you think you can.

I hope you are a troll. I really do.

If you are not a troll then go and have some counselling to find out why you want to hurt your child and get some parenting lessons.

I probably should be more sympathetic but I can't really when I just feel so sorry for your daughter - and when you seem to think this is a minor or 'normal' thing. Really really sad.

[jesuswhatnext]

i have a 16 yo dd - she sends me doolally on a regular basis, tis totally normal teenager behaviour, never in a million would i say i hated her, or say that sex made her dirty, these are cruel, stupid, thoughtless, wicked things to say - you are the adult, behave like it madam!

am leaving thread as v.disgusted no-one truly needs to be told this 'method' of parenting is wrong

[ginnny]

None of this makes sense - there is no logic to any of it.
First you say that you tell her you hate her, then you are saying she had sex because she felt unloved, but then you call her dirty for having sex?
You don't even seem that remorseful or sorry about it either.
I too hope you are a troll - if not I pity your poor dd.

[flippityjibbet]

tiger, what was your mother like with you at that age?

[wotsitallabout]

tiger - I do understand. I have done it myself, and I hate myself for it, but dd nearly 13 drives me to distraction and beyond and I have no support from anyone. I am totally alone. I do go back to her and tell her it is actually her behaviour I hate and her attitude I hate, not her personally. And yes, my mother used to tell me she hated me and my father used to call me 'that girl'.

[unavailable]

Tiger. I am sorry that you are being given such a hard time here. The way I read your posts, you DO know the way you react is wrong, and were posting to get some advice on how to break this cycle.

I for one will admit I have said things to my teen in times of stress that I wish I hadnt.

As Revjustabout said, Parentline could be a good first port of call for you. There should be some parenting classes running in your area that you may find useful, and would also introduce you to other parents who find things difficult but want to make positive changes.

I hope some of the reactions you have had do not put you off seeking some help and support.

Oh, and when your dd comes in today, tell her you love her (I know you do.)