16yo - am so angry I can't think straight

[Phunkychicken]

Was meant to go to a party and be back at a mates for a sleepover by 11 (normal curfew 10-30) when in fact he was in central London until 1am and not back at friends until 1-40. Told DH he was having train problems but then messaged to say was at friends at 11-30, when he was clearly still in town.

He still tried to protest his innocence this morning but has stopped arguing, told him he's an idiot thinking he'd get away with it, no sleepovers for the foreseeable AND his curfew will be brought forward considerably.

He is the problematic third child, feel a bit lost. Plus having suspected cancer surgery this week (9th in2 years -he doesn't know), I just feel so so tired and like I just cba with him any more.

Any suggestions? Or solidarity?

I would let this one go, to be honest.

Just tell him that you need him to be honest about where he is and text you if plans change.

Come again?

in your original post you didn’t mention alcohol
in my response I didn’t mention alcohol
you then mentioned alcohol
and I asked if on same page as dh

and you’ve got rather defensive about it! 😵‍💫

OP, you really shouldn't judge what others do calling others fools when it's your son who's lying.

having a curfew for him is ridiculous. Increasing said curfew at 17 is insanity.

loosen the reigns ffs.

@Overdonecabbage I don’t understand your response. I answered your question above about alcohol. Yes we are on the same page. Not defensive!

So why did you write I accept you disagree but telling a nearly 17 year old that they can’t drink would not work in my eyes.

I didn’t make any comment. I asked a question.

Ok. Not sure what you are arguing with me about 🤷🏼‍♀️. Or why you were questioning me whether alcohol was ok or not. You were the one asking the questions. I took it from your question that you weren’t ok with alcohol but apologies if that was wrong.

Agree with this and you need to look at why he’s lying. Probably as you’re telling him to be home at 10.30 when all his friends are allowed out later.

You raised the issue of alcohol!! I hadn’t even thought of it! 😆

Ok I just dropped it in my post - I couldn’t even remember doing it. Until you started questioning it!

Yes
and I just asked if on same page as dh

literally that was it

You're overreacting. Wait till you've calmed down before dishing out punishments OP.

I'd left home at that age. You can't flatten them or they'll lie.

Of course teenagers lie mainly because they are not allowed to go out until later. I was like that sneaking out as I had an early curfew. However, times have changed and it is very risky to be out after midnight in London. It shouldn’t be like this teens should be allowed to be safe. Most parents would not mind if it were safe and the kids are responsible.

I have a child with adhd and yes there are things she struggles with but also things she does incredibly well (which will be central to her success in future jobs)

I have this with my son, he has been hard work from toddlerhood. Lots of A&E visits as he would jump off everthing!
Understandable that your'e upset he lied. Did he get swept up in the moment and didn't mean to stay out so late? Hard as it may be, when you feel calmer, go and explain the reasons are because you care and want him to be safe.

Yes, weird comment. How can you know since conception a child is going to be trouble. Very strange.

Be glad you aren't a parent to 90's teenagers OP 😂

This is nothing...

Monday - Thursday - your sixth former kids couldn’t go out after school. Is that not a curfew?

my sixth former has a curfew. No going out after school Sunday to Wednesday. He’s not asked anyway as has sports and then about 2 hours homework

Thursday he goes back to friends to game after swim practise and I ask he’s back by 10.30

Friday and Saturday - he doesn’t go to the pub or clubbing (can’t believe these days any 16th old manages to get in anywhere anyway. My boy has told me he’s tried with friends but no point at all!) but goes out, they eat out, football in the dark and then back here to my garden room or at a friend’s. I say back here by 11pm unless staying the night at friends.

Works well