DS has kicked a hornets nest at school today

[IcyBob]

Not literally! DS is nearly 15. We live overseas but he’s in the equivalent of year 10. He has ASD/ADHD, but is extremely bright, pretty sociable and is happy and doing well at school… until today. Earlier this week he was sitting with a female friend when she received a message from her boyfriend; she opened it and it was a video of him masturbating in the school toilets. DS says she closed it immediately and said she didn’t want to see it, and seemed uncomfortable and upset. DS thought she should report it to the school administration, and she agreed, but then changed her mind after talking to her boyfriend. DS - who because of his ASD has very black and white thinking on right and wrong - took it upon himself to report it anyway. Apparently the boyfriend has worked out that it DS, and is behaving in a threatening way. He’s also worried that the girl and the boy who filmed it (not the boyfriend, and also a friend of DS) will be in trouble too.

When he told me all of this, my heart sank. He was bullied in his old school in the UK before we moved, and I was so relieved that he was doing so much better socially here. I don’t know what to say to him; I can’t tell him he was wrong to report it, because obviously the boyfriend shouldn’t be filming that in school and sending it unsolicited! And it’s done now anyway. Any advice?

Both have committed a crime actually if that is the only factor you think is relevant.

I think people remember that there were girls at school who sexually active too young, and have since learmed as better infomed adults that this is ill advised and inappropriate. Run along and get your kicks somewhere else.

He was right to report it. Legally, if the boyfriend is under 16 (in UK anyway) it is considered a crime of distributing child pornography - even if the boy himself was the instigator. And it may be a crime to send such an image to a minor, too. The one filming him could be in serious trouble too for creating what in UK is classed as paedophilic content. Not sure of the laws where you are. These teens need to be terrified by police to prevent them from continuing to behave this way.

If the boys try to bully him, he could point out that if the police got involved, it would be classified as making and distributing paedophilic content and there are serious consequences for that. They may be angry and frightened but they have no right to bully him about his reaction. If they don't want him to react to what he saw in class, due to them sending material to someone during school hours, then they should think before they make another film like that.

I know kids can be stupid, but the combination of making that video, sending it to a girl during class and then bullying someone who objects adds up to a lowlife who needs to learn right from wrong, not that throwing his weight around gets to silence people.

@BeachLife2 can you elaborate on what you believe are extrapolations from assumptions please.

@ActuallyIthinkthe wanker and the would be pornographer and maybe the victim/girlfriend can deny it but others have seen the video and the police have the means to retrieve deleted content even if others have not archived it.

These are not hardened criminals they are stupid kids. If the police haul in the teenage boy that filmed masturbation and shared the video and tell him he is facing criminal proceedings and being placed on the sex offender register and demand his phone and any other devices he will ‘sing like a canary’. His parents will have to be involved due to his age. They won’t be able to console themselves this is normal consensual teenage experimentation.

I agree with this. Public wanking, filming it and sending it unsolicited to someone is not normal teen behaviour. It's creepy and disturbing and the kid who did it needs to learn this.

You are ableist and vile.

Having taken the bait myself but now thought better of it, maybe people need to stop responding to the poster that is making derogatory remarks about the OP's son who is autistic and is determined to excuse the behaviour of these disgusting boys as normal and even desirable and everyone who doesn't think so is a prude.

I think you are probably right @IcyBobabout there being a cultural difference between the way things like this are perceived. I am married to an Australian and we had our daughters there and we left Australia because we found it quite difficult to raise our daughters there as it just wasn’t what we wanted them to be exposed to. The sexism was quite wearing.

Bollocks. Enough with the winding up. I just hope you are neither a secondary school teacher, nor a parent. Preferably you are a teenage troll on half-term.

The OPs son is a victim in this and he did decide he wanted to report it.

Other children saw the video. Apparently the kid who filmed it showed to a few other classmates. So it wasn’t just between the boyfriend and girlfriend.

Which means the boy in the video also needs safeguarding, as I'd presume he intended it only for his gf.

@IcyBob be proud of your DS. Beecause he has spoken up without fear, a lot of harm could have been prevented to all involved.

Having been a safeguarding lead in one of my roles in my healthcare career, I can honestly say my autistic brain helped me in that role. Sometimes I had to make unpopular decisions, for example reporting a child protection concern when a parent did not want it. I could not have done the role well if I had been more worried about upsetting people than doing the right thing.

Your teenage years don’t sound all that healthy actually, what with being bored by vaginal sex by the age of 17 and all that…

I said the law allows for it, and it does. Where there is no suggestion of abuse or coercion and there is a clear relationship criminal charges aren’t always appropriate because there is no safeguarding issue. This is clearly not that - it’s abuse and the law is clear cut. Making and sharing images of underage children and sharing them is a criminal offence.

The law doesn’t make the distinction you describe.

It will very rarely be in the public interest to prosecute a 15 year old for sharing intimate images within the context of a relationship if there’s is no suggestion of abuse or coercion.

Hope his day Was ok at school @IcyBob and be proud you have raised a boy who knows right from wrong and even though he may have lost a friend (who sounds a bad friend anyway) your son still did what he thought was right

and he was right to report it

as @NuffSaidSam said if only more boys were like this and grow up to be better men

Neither child is 15. They are both 14 and whether prosecution is found to be in the public interest or not is irrelevant. It’s still a crime to make and send unsolicited sexual content to a minor. And no-one knows if there is a true relationship or not as this girl is vulnerable from what OP says. That’s a safeguarding issue in itself. And if the BF thinks it’s appropriate to get someone to film him masturbating so they can both see the girls’ reaction, it’s not much of a relationship is it ? Beats me why you're trying to excuse it to be honest,

Which is what’s needed here.

Sure, it's more dangerous for him, but that doesn't change whether or not reporting it is the right thing.

Presumably you either haven't read the updates or are being deliberately obtuse, or a bit thick.

This has gone way beyond the context of a consenting relationship between two teenagers.

Another boy filmed the sexual act, on school premises. He is not part of the "consenting relationship". He has been showing it to other 14 year olds, who are not part of the "consenting relationship". The boy in the video presumably didn't consent to others viewing it. The girl opened it around other 14 y o classmates, who are not part of the "consenting relationship". It's gone way outside that context at this point. It did as soon as the boy involved his friend in the filming of it in the school.

Not sure what else anyone can say to get it in your head that this isn't just about two underage teens having consensual sex.

You're probably right

More bulllshit. The boy has committed a crime. He made a sexually explicit video involving a minor. He sent it to a minor. Another kid filmed it sand has sent it to others. It’s absolutely not the same thing. At all.

That's in the UK what's the legal and school system like where the op lives. She did mention in her last post children are not taught about keep safe online and sex it's up to the parents. The ops son complained to the school because he was taught about sex and online safety before they emigrated.

OP's ds WAS a victim as he was an inadvertent viewer of the unsolicited video.
But regardless, i don't accept the 'none of my business' rhetoric. Especially as we're talking about children here.

The girl denied receiving it when the school questioned her. I realise the op lives abroad and not in the UK I don't know the laws so I can't comment on the steps they would take when it involves children. It sounds like there is more illegal activity going on at school from ops posts.

But she had no way to remove herself from this situation. Unless you're suggesting she told him in the morning "third lesson I've got maths and it's boring so why don't you and Mark go into the loos and he can film you getting yourself off and send it to me" then he sent it to her without her consent, and he broke the law in sending it