he says he’s not doin college now 😩 help

[TiredButTryin5x]

sooo ds (15) just told me out the blue this mornin he’s not doin college now 😩 just said “it’s long n i’m just gonna chill for a bit” like it’s nothing?? his gcses only just finished n he’s barely been out his room since. just xbox n energy drinks n sleepin til 2.

i don’t even know if they’re allowed to not go? someone said before they gotta be in education or whatever til 18?? is that true?? i feel stupid not knowin this stuff but i didn’t even finish school myself n no one tells you what you’re meant to do.

he had a thing open at new city college but never finished the form. i thought it was all sorted but turns out he didn’t do it. he just shrugs at me like it don’t matter.

honestly i’m panickin a bit cos i don’t want him just sittin in his room for 3 years doin nothin. but i don’t know who to talk to or what to say to him that he’ll listen to. feel like he just sees me as background noise at this point 😔

any advice welcome pls x

Don’t email, ring and see if there’s anyone he can speak to. This is more urgent than an email

Self pity isn't going to get you anywhere. You've made a start and that's great but you really need to think about what kind of example you are setting for all of your children. You need to change your own life and theirs will follow.

you have to ring. School is closed so now you are expecting teachers to work unpaid. They may not be checking emails - I know at my school the teachers (rightly!) turn off until results day or later. Admin staff often work year round so they will be able to find out if there is someone you can talk to.

do you have access to any kind of parent portal where you can at least access his mock results?

we get it… you’re tired. But if you choose to have 5 kids you have to own that choice and buck up buttercup. You love your kids, but love is not enough. This is only going to get harder in later pregnancy and with a newborn so it’s imperative you get this right now.

So you still haven't contacted the school? Why on earth not? Did they already close for the holidays? If so, why aren't you on the phone to anywhere else?
At this point, you should be crying. Your passiveness is ruining your kids lives. You aren't even trying.

Wishing you strength, @TiredButTryin5x.

It seems to me you’ve missed out on a whole heap of help and support you should have had for yourself over maybe the past twenty years. (Despite the numerous august institutions on my CV I completely get it - you’ve described exactly the brain freeze and panic, and consequent burying head in sand reaction that has dogged me my entire adult life.)

I don’t know if someone else on this thread could suggest appropriate support for the OP herself ?

@Whomanity OPs had hundreds, if not thousands of replies to her threads, people have pasted links to all sorts of agencies, charities, including ones local to her, she's also had medical appointments for her newest pregnancy, so has access to midwives etc.
I can't think of anything else that hasn't already been suggested.

I know. I’ve seen them all …

100% agree
Where's the compassion for OP?

Do you have any suggestions?

Given that I'm not UK based, none that'd help.
But OP has obviously faced significant disadvantage and criticism isn't helping the situation

People have offered quite a lot of help on multiple threads for all members of the OPs family including herself.

What good is compassion going to do? Have you read her multiple threads?

I have.
What good is criticising her going to do?

I posted a “plan of action” for her with links to organisations. Others have posted links too. There’s nothing she’s said in recent posts that suggests she has acted on anything that people have suggested.

Thank you for providing constructive help rather than just criticising.
She's clearly struggling

It ran out several threads ago. There's only so many times people can repeat themselves. She's been posting the same self pitying shit for months, and doing absolutely nothing with any of the advice she is given. And now her kids are paying the price.
You, the one demanding the compassion, can't offer any constructive advice. That should tell you something.

What something should it tell me, given that I already stated I'm not UK based?

Why do you need to be UK based to put forward ideas or offer advice? You could use Google if you think op needs more links to specific agencies. There's a reason you've just chosen to tell other posters off instead of adding anything constructive.

Morning, doing, sleeping. Thank you

What does this mean? Wrong thread?

This.

From this post and all your others, I just feel so sorry for your kids. And you’re bringing another one into this sorry affair.

i hear what ur sayin. even the brutal bits. and i know loads of u are prob sick of seein my threads now. maybe some of u are right - maybe i have let things slide too long, maybe i’ve been soft when i needed to be firm. but i didn’t come on here for a slating. i came on cos i know i need to do better n i’m tryin to.

yes i emailed instead of callin. i panic on phones. it sounds pathetic but i do. but i will ring tomorrow n try to speak to someone real. the mentoring group someone mentioned - i wrote it down and i’ll look it up tonight. i haven’t sorted everything but i’m not doin nothing either.

i’ve taken the xbox out the room. turned the wifi off last night at midnight. ds kicked off, slammed doors, but it’s done. rules are on the fridge. i told him he’s got til september to pick something - college, apprenticeship, whatever. if not, he’ll have to start payin rent or find somewhere else. i never thought i’d say that to one of my kids but maybe that’s where we are now.

i’m not usin tiredness as an excuse. but i am tired. not just from pregnancy or bein up all night, but tired in my heart. i feel like i’m fightin fires every single day n gettin judged for the smoke.

i’m not perfect. never said i was. but i love my kids more than anything n that’s why i keep postin here even when i know i’ll get torn apart. cos deep down i do want to get this right. x

You're fighting the same fires that you're starting.

You absolutely cannot threaten to throw your 16 year old out because you've failed him. Out of all of the hundreds of bits of great advice, you've ignored it all and that's what you've come up with?

He's still a child. Why are you putting it all on him? What practical help have you offered alongside these completely unrealistic threats?

@TiredButTryin5x it does sound like you need some help too.
Are (or have) social services involved in any way?
They aren't always something to fear.
I had issues with my daughter and we were given Early Help from social services which did help. Maybe talk to your midwife. Be honest - say you need help.
At least you've stuck with your children and not buggered off like their dads.

OP an email after term has already ended just isn't good enough. You're letting your kids down, and if you keep doing it, I must question how much you actually love them.
Emails and phone calls needed to made weeks ago when this issue first became apparent. Far too little far too late.
I'd advise you to speak to your midwife and/or GP about your mental health, but you'll ignore that too.
For your kids sake please reach out for support from anyone who can give it.