he says he’s not doin college now 😩 help

[TiredButTryin5x]

sooo ds (15) just told me out the blue this mornin he’s not doin college now 😩 just said “it’s long n i’m just gonna chill for a bit” like it’s nothing?? his gcses only just finished n he’s barely been out his room since. just xbox n energy drinks n sleepin til 2.

i don’t even know if they’re allowed to not go? someone said before they gotta be in education or whatever til 18?? is that true?? i feel stupid not knowin this stuff but i didn’t even finish school myself n no one tells you what you’re meant to do.

he had a thing open at new city college but never finished the form. i thought it was all sorted but turns out he didn’t do it. he just shrugs at me like it don’t matter.

honestly i’m panickin a bit cos i don’t want him just sittin in his room for 3 years doin nothin. but i don’t know who to talk to or what to say to him that he’ll listen to. feel like he just sees me as background noise at this point 😔

any advice welcome pls x

Can you for God’s sake ask someone who has a clue to help your son?
He does not have until September to decide whether he’ll go to college or not. You are seriously failing him, and refusing to listen to anyone trying to guide you.
Pass it over to someone else, for your son’s sake.
Do it now, not in September 🤦‍♀️

GCSE results day is 21st august. There should be people in the school that week, so if you can’t get anyone now, they will be around then. You also might be able to get hold of staff around the A level results day the Thursday before (if your school offers A levels)- the careers team should be in on those days to help guide those who didn’t get the grades they hope for.

on results day, you can ask for someone to have a meeting with your DS to talk though his options, they often will help if he thinks it’s the wrong courses etc.

What will you do for childcare if he moves out in September?

I doubt he will, but it sounds like an empty threat and if he knows it’s empty then it’s pointless

Realistically what can he do? He has no resources to help himself.

@TiredButTryin5x obviously you have plenty to be getting on with - but I’m wondering how your other three sons are getting on. Because this must be something of a wake up call for you - regarding their academic futures too.

Imagine if you built up a good relationship with their teachers / head of year / headteacher - and actually spent some time (beyond parents’ evening) talking to them about how each child is getting on; things they’re good at; things they may need more support or just more effort with. You need a complete picture of each child’s academic and extra-curricular progress. You need to be aware of what they’re capable of; aware of all the available options; and ready to spend endless time talking to them about their hopes and aims and aspirations. You can’t just leave them to it and hope everything will be fine. That’s what people mean about being an active, rather than an entirely passive parent.

And the poster above is right - you can’t just react with pointless threats when you realise that you haven’t done what needed to be done to support them.

This 15 year old child needs parenting. Parenting is doing better than you had yourself and guiding and supporting at every stage. You’re doing none of this, and now you’re threatening to throw him out. Imagine what that must be like for the poor child.

Where is his dad?

On another thread you mention a sister.
Can she help with all the college and school stuff?

I find it incredible that any secondary school in the country would have sat back and let a Year 11 student get to the end of the summer term without having something in place for September. I just don’t believe that the school haven’t been speaking to the boy constantly and, when he’s clearly not responded, thst they haven’t tried to contact the OP. I’ve worked with many secondary schools over the years, and there is always a huge amount of careers work to support students who haven’t made up their minds about the next steps and this always involves trying to make contact with parents when the students aren’t taking this seriously. No school wants their NEET figures to reflect badly on them.

OP, there will still be staff in school this week so you must ring the school. You are responsible for making sure that your son is in education, employment, or training for September.

Op doesn’t even know what his mock grades were.
That’s the level of involvement from this boy’s home. School have clearly been banging their heads against a brick wall.

The OP literally threw out a letter outlining concerns about one of her children’s behaviour and potential neurodevelopmental disability. This is not on the school. The OP has fucked up constantly, says things like ‘I see what you’re saying’ and ‘I’m not perfect’ and then merrily carries on doing absolutely nothing to help her children. It’s a disaster. Her children are suffering and will continue to suffer. But it’s alright because she loves them.

I don’t for a minute think this is the school’s fault - it is entirely down to the OP.

There may be some ND issues going on with the OP.

Do you realise how dangerous energy drinks are for young people’s hearts!? There’s a reason they’re advised to be 18+

Nothing will happen and you won’t be prosecuted. You’ll get a phone call to make sure everything is ok at home and that’s it

OP you may feel the responses are brutal but posters are seeing a child about to become a drain on society and not reach any potential because he does not have a parent willing to parent him - and that’s not just on you btw, clearly his father is less than useless!

as pp said - he does not have until September to decide. He needs a plan of action yesterday. Let’s be real - apprenticeships are hard to come by and you will need good mock grades and a reference from the school which you clearly don’t have.

is he expected to pass maths and English? If not college is your best bet as he can retake. No maths and English and his job prospects are low and apprenticeship even lower. So right now he should be looking into what course has space and will take him. He does not have until sept to do this. You will need to call colleges and find out.

Omg I remember that too !!

I despair !

How is it helpful to tell op she’s fine to carry on with the non parenting of her children, because there won’t be any repercussions?

On a previous thread someone suggested that the son should use a year (or two if possible because he’s awfully young in his year; not 16 until August) of college to get himself into a position where he’d be a realistically competitive apprenticeship candidate.

She has no idea if he’s expected to pass.

Yes unfortunately the OP only really seems interested in her pregnancy/upcoming baby and what she should buy/pack for it.

I really hope there’s someone in at the school tomorrow who can help her son.

Oh FFS you can't just excuse everything away by labelling people as ND for absolutely no reason.

If you read my previous responses you will see that I have been pretty harsh. Even wondered if this is trolling.

But if you read the OPs threads you will know she has a SEN child and is living in chaos.
Hence my comment.

Yes I suspected as much but hopefully could access via a parent portal perhaps…. Even if called the school I’m not sure if they would be able to give that info

Apologies, it just seems to be a go to response on here when people want to absolve themselves/others of responsibility for their own actions and it's infuriating.

The local authority I work with prosecutes parents in circumstances such as this.