he says he’s not doin college now 😩 help

[TiredButTryin5x]

sooo ds (15) just told me out the blue this mornin he’s not doin college now 😩 just said “it’s long n i’m just gonna chill for a bit” like it’s nothing?? his gcses only just finished n he’s barely been out his room since. just xbox n energy drinks n sleepin til 2.

i don’t even know if they’re allowed to not go? someone said before they gotta be in education or whatever til 18?? is that true?? i feel stupid not knowin this stuff but i didn’t even finish school myself n no one tells you what you’re meant to do.

he had a thing open at new city college but never finished the form. i thought it was all sorted but turns out he didn’t do it. he just shrugs at me like it don’t matter.

honestly i’m panickin a bit cos i don’t want him just sittin in his room for 3 years doin nothin. but i don’t know who to talk to or what to say to him that he’ll listen to. feel like he just sees me as background noise at this point 😔

any advice welcome pls x

It doesn't work like that.

The Universal credit for him will stop too. It's UC that s only for 2 children if they are under a certain age. so OP's UC will stop for son and she won't get any for new baby either

And her response was ‘omg I didn’t know about that’

I fear some people can’t be helped - and it’s just awful for the many kids involved

You first posted about this a couple of weeks ago. "Panic" can't be your excuse anymore. Schools are closing tomorrow, if they haven't already (round here anyway). You need to contact his teachers now. Send an email now. Ring in the morning. Just get it done.

You did know. I told you about it on your last thread - you were shocked that nobody had told you then too.

Stop playing/ being the victim.

Honestly OP you're doing the same thing with this as you did with the pregnancy. Head in the sand until it's too late to absolve yourself of any responsibility. It's an inexcusable way to parent.

You do realise your refusal to parent him is actually ruining his life and future prospects right?

You’ll keep posting threads and nothing will change. You’ll be on here next year pregnant with your sixth kid. I feel so sorry for your children.

But it is sort of convenient if he has no external commitments and is therefore on hand to help with other dc. She may moan but can op cope without him on standby and is willing to indulge him in return.

He HAS to stay in education til he's 18. Tell him to stop being a twat, and get to school.

(In September!)

He doesn’t have a choice he has to do something.

If the mum can't stop him being on his x box all night, how will she make him go to college?

For the love of God 🤦‍♀️
You can’t reach out for help and advice because you panic and feel stupid…. Grow the fuck up, it’s not about you, it’s about your 15 year old (and doubtless the rest of your many children) following you down the same hopeless path.
Get your thumb out of your ass and ask for help!

I don’t understand why you don’t switch the WiFi off at midnight?

As others have said he has to do something. Well he could just slob around if you let him but if you're on UC this will have an impact.

Just wants to chill, dont we all?!

If he's not going to college you have to get him every day to work or volunteer, anything other than festing in his room.

Easy said I know but turn off the WiFi, be strong 💪

He’s more likely to listen if you implement consequences. For example, give him times to use his Xbox and the first time he doesn’t adhere to it take the Xbox away for the whole of the next day.

@TiredButTryin5x did you look into the mentoring group I suggested earlier today?
The one called Youth Unity?
If you manage posting on Mumsnet you can manage to look on their website.
I just typed "mentoring charities for teenagers in Romford" into Google and it was the first thing that came up.
Look them up. Email them. Phone them tomorrow.
You've probably left it too late to talk to any teachers at his school.
The school year is over.
Take the Xbox away at night.

My God, be a parent!!

A lot of people are putting a lot of energy into this persons threads.

Do you work? Does he have a role model to look up to?

It's easy. He can have a list of jobs to do each day to cover his food. Stop paying for anything else. He needs to get his backside in gear and get a job or a college course that he will be successful in.

How is he affording things like energy drinks? Is it you paying for things like that? - he needs to know that to eat/drink/buy stuff he needs money. To acquire money he needs a job, to get a job he most likely needs to go to college.

He cant just be sleeping all day and hiding in his room all the time playing xbox until whatever o'clock in the morning.

@Twelftytwo my neurons have connected, thanks.

@DitzyDerbyBabe86 the has OP said on a previous thread that she has a part time job as a cleaner. (Presumably she won’t be working for a while before and after her next child is born.)

And it does seem that she struggles with comprehending and getting on top of things herself - which wouldn’t make it easy to guide her son.

He has the whole summer holiday to 'chill', and he's already had a month. If this was my child, doing nothing simply wouldn't be an option. If he refused to get himself in gear, I wouldn't let him use the wi fi and at the very least I would turn it off at night.
My son, who did GCSEs last year, isn't allowed to sit up shouting, or even talking loudly, on his games if someone else is trying to sleep. It's a matter of respect.

alright i get it. i get it. i’ve read every single reply n i’m cryin now but that’s fine. not lookin for sympathy but please know i’m not just sittin here doin nothing. i have panicked, i have froze, but that doesn’t mean i don’t care.

i know i should’ve emailed the school before. i know i leave things too late n then it’s a mess. that’s something i’m tryin to work on. it’s not cos i don’t love my kids or can’t be bothered. sometimes it’s like my brain just shuts off. i’ve always struggled with forms n calls n that, even little stuff feels massive. i’m tryin harder this time. i really am. i already emailed ds’s head of year this mornin n asked if anyone’s around to talk to me about results day n options. i said i’ll come in with him on the 21st.

i am scared his life’s gonna go off track. i’m scared i’ve already messed it up. but i can’t go back in time can i. all i can do is try now. i’m 34, pregnant, sleepin on a sofa n jugglin everything - doesn’t mean i get a free pass, just means i’m bloody tired and sometimes i get it wrong. not givin up tho.

i’ve unplugged the xbox. i’ve wrote out some rules on a bit of paper n we’re goin through them tonight. no more midnight games. he’s not happy but i’m not here to be liked all the time.

for those who said i’m not parenting - you don’t know me, you see one post n think it’s my whole life. but fair enough, if it makes you shout louder, maybe i needed to hear it that way.

i’m not runnin away from the thread. i’m still here. i’m tryin. i’m just… tired. x