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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Can't cope with teenagers any more

152 replies

Springhare76 · 07/07/2025 14:12

Just that really. I have DS1, 17 and DS2, 15 years (plus DS3 who is 7). I have basically raised DS1 and 2 singlehandedly since my ex had an affair and moved out when they were 1 and 3 years. I've worked full time their entire childhoods to give them the best I can, a lovely house that I own, clothes, 2-3 holidays per year, private school and yet they have turned out to be horrible, uncaring people who seem to hate me. They literally have nothing to say to me, reply with phrases like, "what are you talking about?" if I ask anything about them, imply I am stupid etc. They come and go as they want, order Deliveroo all the time, don't tidy their rooms and hardly clear up after themselves, plus constantly have friends over. They go out and never tell me where they are and never answer their phones so I worry constantly where they are. They use my gym membership and DS2 uses my debit card. I want to take them on holiday this summer but they both refuse as they want to hang out with their friends. DS2 plays a lot of football so I drive him to endless football matches - he never says thank you and tell me I'm embarrassing him if I watch the game. He'll glare at me if I ask him something and refuse to answer. None of the other players are like this and all seem kind to their mums. I also drive him to school every day as his school is far away, it takes me 30 mins then and 50 on the way back. Again, never a please or thank you. The older one has ADHD and we have had the roughest few years with a permanent school exclusion, failed managed move and then having to get tutors in every subject to get him to do any revision as he refused to do any if left to his own devices. I have battled to keep him in education but he has no motivation and his attendance is less than 50%. He now goes out most nights at 11pm to 12pm and comes back around 3am. Apparently he is playing basketball then goes to the gym. I fell asleep at 1am last night then woke up at 3am and realised he was out of the house. He came back at 3.30am then stayed up until 6am so obviously then missed the entire day of sixth room as he's asleep. I couldn't get back to sleep after that so have been awake since 3am. I basically went crazy at him and told him he needs to go and live with his dad as I cannot take this anymore. I have put a bar on his phone as it's the only influence I have , that and money. What did I do wrong in raising them? I am heartbroken that it has come to this. I don't see a way I can have a relationship with either of them again given the amount of unkindness and disrespect.

OP posts:
incidentally · 03/05/2026 11:59

I'm so sorry to hear all that OP. I've got kind of the opposite problem. My child left the home last year at 16 to move in with a partner's family. Now neither my child nor the partner's parent will engage with me at all. I contact my child most days to tell them I love them, offering support, help, therapy, money, but no replies. I've made mistakes in my parenting and the social services are involved but my child doesn't seem to want to have any contact, even facilitated and outside of the home. It's breaking my heart.

Nogimachi · 18/05/2026 20:03

Your ex needs to step up and take them for a few weeks and maybe permanently. He owes you.

I have every sympathy OP, I have a very difficult teenager and I know I couldn’t cope on my own. Dads have an important role to play and most kids actually will act up less with a man.

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