13-year old bumping into me in the kitchen

[Jarstastic]

This seems a small thing compared to some of the drama from an elder sibling, but it’s getting me down.

13-year old son will want something from a drawer or cupboard (usually in the kitchen but sometimes in another room) and if I’m standing in front of it, he opens it regardless! Like I’m not there. I have reiterated it over and over. he says sorry. I have previously said sorry doesn’t mean anything without changed behaviour.

He has now started saying excuse me, but then carries on regardless, doesn’t wait for me to respond or move. I’m not sure if he does this to other people as others aren’t around so much these days.

He did it again yesterday, opened dishwasher when I was in front of it and I got bashed by it. His father was at the kitchen table and told him, he said sorry and his father said it’s not good enough to say sorry anymore, you’re doing it regularly. You are a big boy (he is now a few inches taller than me and fairly solid), stop barging in. He is a tad childish for his age.

10 minutes later (!) he said excuse me but then opened cupboard door into me. I got upset and said you didn’t even give me one second to move. Father heard it, came in and was not impressed and took him to another room, had a serious chat with him, then sent him to bed.

This morning, I was in the kitchen stirring milk into my coffee, he comes into the kitchen gets a bowl out of the bowl cupboard, then comes over to where I’m standing, opens the drawer with spoons, straight into my stomach!!

I’d get him checked for dyspraxia. Sounds a bit like my son. Not to totally excuse it but if he is kind and empathetic otherwise, it might just be a spatial awareness thing or at least that plays into it.

The whole point of this thread has gone over your head whilst you have acted as if one person making breakfast for everybody, at all times is not only a UK daily familial norm, but a panacea for the OP's problem.

OP's big, balls dropped son of increasing virility is bashing his mother instead of waiting for her to move out of his way before he can reach his big self to.cupboard, cooker, drawer or.dishwasher.

The size of the kitchen or the fact that brekkie is not made pour or eaten en famille has nothing to do with it.

Aww no wonder you are upset jeeeze I'd want to lose my shit if that kept happening .
Can you not raise your voice to him yourself and say " what have I said about said problem" stop and wait for me to beable to move myself sternly he obviously isn't listening to anything else .

Excellent that your husband is supporting you (had to point that out to all the MN man-haters). Although would be willing to best that all the responses advocating you take a hard line would be completely different were it a daughter who was acting in this way.

Is it possible your son is on the spectrum and just has no understanding of personal space. It does sound like he's taking it in that you have told him to say excuse me. Maybe try giving him clearer guidelines like "Look around, If someone is there, say excuse me then wait for them to move then open the drawer/door etc, if they don't move or don't hear repeat "excuse me" then give time to move". That kind of thing.

Carry a spray bottle of water at all times. Utilise it wherever he does this.

What? It works for cats!

As he reaches for something just start saying firmly STOP; WAIT; NO! Until I’m out if the way & then finish what your doing then move away; thank him for waiting & let him continue; because if your not stopping the behaviour before it happens your almost encouraging it then bollocking the poor little bugger; ok he’s a big kid but he’s still just that a little boy trying to find his way in the world & all your doing is whinging he’s bumping into you all the time but if your not giving him the indication to stop before he starts of course he’s going to continue. Your making your child out to sound like a bit of a monster who your ever so slightly scared of !!

If you've explained and dad's had a word it's consequence time.

How, if their parents do everything for them till they leave home?

Perhaps he is in training to be a resident of SE England. My home town is full of gormless people with bugger all spatial awareness, which is why it is sometimes a PITA trying to get anywhere.

On a more serious note, he needs to learn actions => consequences and you can't just push people around (i.e. bullying). As far as the ADHD theories are concerned, on the one hand, it is fantastic that mental health conditions are now recognised and can be diagnosed and addressed these days. On the other hand, I think sometimes it is just used as excuse by people who don't want to take responsibility for their own behaviour.

I had considered suggesting that 😬

Fine him every time it happens...whether it's docked pocket money, screen time or time with friends. Let's assume you choose to hit his screen time. I assume you can change the WiFi password or control WiFi to just his devices...do so each time he does this. Make the action have a clear consequence.

Don't just do it either, it should not be a shock to him. Next time he barges in is his last warning. No raised voice, no anger, simply say "next time you do this, the WiFi goes off for 5 hrs". And when he does it again, change the password or turn off the WiFi to his device at the router. (We use Mac address filtering which makes this easy for us). No matter how much whining happens, don't relent and turn it back on. It's going to take 4 or 5 occurrences before he gets the idea.

Any chance there's something wrong with their eyesight?

I think OP, it may be time for this kind of approach, sounds like you’ve tried the other more reasonable ones, and they haven’t got through… this may be the jolt he needs to wake up!

Good luck! Let us know if it works! Or, what does eventually…

I would try to get him assessed for additional which would explain his behaviour, which is not normal for a nice boy

I’m genuinely shocked at this but I guess it does provide an explanation as to why some adults don’t have basic life skills. It’s because they’ve literally been deprived of opportunity.

My DH has terrible spatial awareness and is always bumping into me. Your DS may suffer in a similar way. My DH always apologises and he does try his best.

Slam the drawer or cabinet door shut that he just opened and ask him didn't he see you standing there.

Has your son had an eye test at all recently?
My son did similar stuff when he was younger and it turned out he needed glasses as his vision wasn't the greatest. Maybe worth a try?

So DC are not deprived of the opportunity. They can make breakfast and cook and grow up able to do so.

I didn't say that. DC learnt to cook from an early age.

How, if you don't let them in the kitchen to make breakfast before they are 16?

Yes! An appointment with a child psychologist for sure. Check what is going on for today and the future. I know it's bloody expensive. Is your husband pro active? Does he help in the kitchen? Has he directly had a talk with him by himself - man to man as such? Good luck.

Really? So everyone has to eat the same breakfast at the same time everyday? My twelve year old loves making his own breakfast based on what he feels like and how much time he has - cereal, toast, porridge, scrambled eggs, poached eggs, bacon etc. We do a family breakfast occasionally for special occasions (or days without morning sports). I can't imagine doing it everyday.

Because I don’t think they have servants ?