13-year old bumping into me in the kitchen

[Jarstastic]

This seems a small thing compared to some of the drama from an elder sibling, but it’s getting me down.

13-year old son will want something from a drawer or cupboard (usually in the kitchen but sometimes in another room) and if I’m standing in front of it, he opens it regardless! Like I’m not there. I have reiterated it over and over. he says sorry. I have previously said sorry doesn’t mean anything without changed behaviour.

He has now started saying excuse me, but then carries on regardless, doesn’t wait for me to respond or move. I’m not sure if he does this to other people as others aren’t around so much these days.

He did it again yesterday, opened dishwasher when I was in front of it and I got bashed by it. His father was at the kitchen table and told him, he said sorry and his father said it’s not good enough to say sorry anymore, you’re doing it regularly. You are a big boy (he is now a few inches taller than me and fairly solid), stop barging in. He is a tad childish for his age.

10 minutes later (!) he said excuse me but then opened cupboard door into me. I got upset and said you didn’t even give me one second to move. Father heard it, came in and was not impressed and took him to another room, had a serious chat with him, then sent him to bed.

This morning, I was in the kitchen stirring milk into my coffee, he comes into the kitchen gets a bowl out of the bowl cupboard, then comes over to where I’m standing, opens the drawer with spoons, straight into my stomach!!

Do you accept, from reading all the posts expressing incredulity about view that a 13 year old can't make their own breakfast, that it's not the norm that people think that means feeding the whole family?

Id suggest that your set up is not what anyone envisions when they think about what getting one's own breakfast means

Ah i see, the ‘small’ kitchen is the only small congested space he operates in with people getting in his way. And his mum is the only person who’s too slow and gets in his way when he wants something. In the whole world. Men’s toilets are pretty narrow, somehow I doubt he’s barging boys out of the way to take a piss or barging bigger lads out of the way in PE. Is he knocking down old people trying to get on the bus or walking on the pavement or taking their time at a till? Probably because he knows he’d get shoved back or get into real trouble unlike with his mum, and his self preservation magically stops his dyspraxia or ADHD or whatever selective condition causes him to only barge his mum. This is why when 13 year old boys turn into 15 year olds who cross boundaries with girls their own age and parents think, “oh there were no signs” - it’s because they’re ignoring their instincts that some behaviour is darker than just clumsiness. Kids are influenced far more by peers and misogynistic chat rooms online than by their parents - that’s just a reality in 2025. And if he was ADHD or dyspraxic I’m sure there would be other behaviour in school and life that would have made adults consider an assessment long before the barging….

It'll teach him to think that he might get his arse handed to him before he does it.
Fuck respect-he has to learn to do what he is told-especially when he is causing you harm.

It's your house and he obeys your rules. He is not respecting the OP now and she is being bashed and bear hugged in her own home.

So, bollocks to his respect-put some manners on him-you've had plenty of suggestions as to how do this.

You may find he starts to respect you when you lay down the law and dole out consequences when it is not obeyed but if he doesn't-so what!

He doesn't respect her now and keeping herself physically safe form a boy who is bigger than her is what matters.

But and this is the main thing-make him fear the consequences from OP or his dad and the OP will be ahead because he won't be physically harming her.

Anyone, who comes along wringing their hands, quoting this post and wailing,
"Oh, how horrible-he is just a child" is a willy bloody wet drawers and beneath my notice, in much the same way that the OP is beneath the notice of her unmannerly son.

You are doing the right thing joining forces with your sh on this. I think it's just a case of keeping mentioning it every time w he does it until he stops. I would take his screen time off him every single time it happens for the day. He'll soon stop. And to the op who asked why he's getting his own breakfast 😂 kids should be able to do this way before they are teenagers!

I've never been part of a family where people got their own breakfasts. To me that goes against eating as a family. Any family member can help with the breakfast or share the tasks but lining up to get your own breakfast isn't us. This in no way means children don't know how to.

I think you might consider that he has poor executive function and poor proprioception. The first can lead to not being able to accurately assess things like distance, rotate things in your head, or make good decisions about how to prioritize or time tasks. Proprioception or the knowledge of where and how your body moves in space and how it relates to other bodies or things may also be poor. How is his hand/eye coordination? Can he dance? Play sport? Cradle a pet or a sibling? Cook his own food without self injury?

But what happens when one of you gets up earlier than the others? Or someone has a game to get to etc?

Hyperfocus. He’s only thinking about his task. DH does it too. Fricking annoying.

Interrupt the process by speaking to him- say his name sharply. Needs to be sharp because he’ll not hear you if he’s in his head.

Get him out of his head and aware of his environment as he moves through it, rather than hyper focused on the task/thought in hand.

I imagine martyr mum takes the orders the night before, gets up at 6 on the weekend to set the table and pour out the cereal, and stands in the kitchen in her pinny till the last teenager gets up at 1 pm asking for the other kind of toast.

@Jarstastic Does he watch or listen to any Andrew Tate or similar, or has friends who do? If the only other person your DS barges is his older brother, is there a chance he doesn't see his brother as traditionally masculine the way an Andrew Tate would describe, so has the same contempt for him as you? You don't mention the problems the older brother had but Andrew Tate is very scathing of boys who don't do well in school, smoke weed, get in trouble, don't have gfs etc as not real men and encourages the same contempt towards them as for women.

This article shows just how prolific Tate and similar misogynistic influencers are in schools, to the extent the Govt are taking it seriously.
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/andrew-tate-incel-school-boys-misogyny-students-b2735753.html

You specifically asked WHY he was getting it, indicating that you didn’t think it was appropriate for him to be getting himself breakfast.

I know you’ve backpedaled on a lot of your comments now, but you can’t just pretend like the original one didn’t happen 😂

And FFS people, teenage boys can be arseholes sometimes without them having to be diagnosed with ADHD or the dreaded ‘Andrew Tate Syndrome’

I guarantee you that you guys talk about AT more than teenage boys. Ask yours ‘do people your age really believe this AT stuff?’ and I guarantee they scoff at you or roll their eyes and tell you no

No back-pedalling. My position is clear. People don't get in the way of each other if breakfast is organised. I personally would allocate DC a breakfast job at 13

Ok dear

@GotToWearShades

What’s a breakfast job? Sounds exhausting.
Unless on holiday everyone sorts out their own breakfast.

Yes all jostling together in the kitchen is not nice. Parents can look after kids

Do it back! I wouldn't do this with a Toddler but a 13 year old is old enough for a consequence.

Until they leave home and expect someone else to look after them?

No, because they will know how to look after themselves.

I feel for you. My ADHD son doesn't look about him when he wants to do/get/walk/reach etc. So much of my stuff has been broken and he's ALWAYS really upset and I get a very earnest apology. He's had a very late diagnosis (at 17) and it's been a revelation. Since he forgets to warn me he's about to run out of the pills (he's 19 now) I can always spot it in his sudden inability to see things around him again. On the pills he will see the light fittings above his head and move out of the way before he pretends to use a lightsaber. Off them the house becomes his own personal pinball machine again.

@ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers the house being a personal pinball machine is a great description!

@Thatsrhesummeroverthen despite having 3 siblings he was the only one where I went around covering tables/furniture corners in foam!

And don't get me started on trying to take him to a supermarket to get shopping! I gave up and started getting it delivered because I'd had enough of apologising to so many people after he bumped/walked into them or the shop's displays.

I do this as well…! Gets on my nerves when we’re all under each others’ feet! Equally if my children are cooking or loading the dishwasher, they tell me not to get in their way! Works for us.

I wouldn’t stand for purposely being hurt because they can’t be arsed to wait! The first time is an accident, repeatedly doing the same thing isn’t!