Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

Yeah, I was left alone in a house at 16 with next door neighbours keeping an eye. The house was party central for the whole time.
Let me tell you that I was not up to dealing with adult gattecrashers, that part got quite scary.

I did leave mine at 16 and 14. I’m a single mother and was hospitalised for 5 days. I didn’t have a lot of choice really - I had sepsis so it wasn’t like I was very conscious at the time.

it was fine - they ordered a Tesco delivery, cooked, washed their school uniform etc and didnt load the dishwasher.

I was at university with several 17 year olds. If you have one who can’t be trusted to look after themselves then something has gone wrong.

I am off on a work trip this month and my 16 year old will be on his own for about a week. His older brother (now 18) will be in and out.

My neighbours are pretty observant and I have friends nearby who can call in an emergency.

I was frequently left by my parents as a teen. My younger brother and I loved the freedom. My kids frequently travel alone - UK based - and I’m proud of their independence, initiative and maturity.

Yes I would. Had dad not been 10 mins away and you out the country it might be a different answer.

I think 17 is a bit young to be responsible for a 15 year old. Would the 15 year old even listen to the older one. Last year I started leaving my 14 year old with my 19 and 23 year old for 3/4 days for local trips where we could be home in less than. 2 hours.

This. Even if they don't intend to hold a party their 'friends' will if they know you are away. Social media spreads the word and you have 100 randoms in your house trashing it.

Absolutely not. Your house is basically in the hands of the least responsible person in their friendship group.

I'm one of the more cautious parents, but I did just that in April. DD2 is 17, 18 in August, and DD3 was just days from her 16th birthday. We left them at home with their two dogs while we travelled to visit DFil, who is very unwell, for 6 days. DD1 (19) is not safe to be left, so she went to my parents' house.

We left them a schedule of tasks (bins, dishwasher, washing, cats, rabbits) and a meal plan with all meals scheduled and ingredients bought. My parents live 1 mile away and visited each morning to check in on them. We had WhatsApp messaging and video calls.

However, they both have SN which means that they are unlikely to leave the house, don't have lots of friends, wouldn't have a party, etc.

They did really well. We had a spatula casualty (DD3 took 'smash burgers' literally), but we were able to have one delivered the next day to replace it. Otherwise, no issues.

We're going out again in August, but this time we're putting the dogs in residential training and taking DD2 & DD3 with us because 9 days seems too long.

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I would the 17 year old, though that is depending on the person, but the 15 year old should go with you

I know a super nerdy, very sweet, very nice, responsible young teen whose parents did this for two nights.

It wasn’t entirely her fault; it gets out and about and then out of control.

So no, not unless you want your house trashed and half a dozen teen pregnancies conceived in your beds.

Nope. No way would I. I have a just 18 year old and 16 year old and I wouldn’t be doing this. Luckily we haven’t come across it because they both still want the holidays - probably whilst they know they’re still free lol
But no, I wouldn’t do this at all and I’m sure you wouldn’t relax either.

Move out , so live elsewhere and can happily trash that for their uni years. Not the same as trashing the family home .

We left DS at 17, I wouldn't leave a15 year old though

No, of course you can’t. What a stupid question, OP.

Going back many years to when I was 17, I’d say no lol 😂 I know not all 17 years olds are the same but I nearly wrecked my mum and dads house when I had a party. 35 years later it’s still talked about!!

Leaving a 15 year old is a definite no no. I wouldn’t even consider that one

Definitely not. Word will spread they have the house to themselves!!

They are definitely old enough in theory. My teens of similar ages have friends who have been left home alone for a week quite regularly.

Me and DH are going away for a weekend in September and we are having this same debate with our kids at the moment.

The only thing that would stop me is the partying risk. I don’t think I could relax on holiday knowing that my eldest is likely to have a gathering that could very well snowball into a full blown party.

They need to stay at their dad’s. I’d also take their keys. They’ll definitely have a party due to peer pressure. I went to many house parties when I was under 16 because my friends or friends of friends’ parents weren’t at home.

You say they aren't "overly keen" on their dad, but would he check on them and would he let them? How sensible are they? Would they get themselves into trouble or not? Have they wild friends who would probably come over and bring people your kids don't know to get drunk? Would they call their dad if they needed help? Would the 15 year respect the 17 year old being in charge or deliberately be a pain to them?

I mean absolutely get why you aren't taking this lightly, but considering the 17 year old, could have had sex, had a baby, and now be living with that baby alone or with her partner, without your consent and it would be legal, I'm not sure that you can really argue that she can't be left for a week!

Ha ha ha…not a chance!
And where do people find these kids who don’t want to come on holiday with them? Mine always want to come. They cost me a bloody fortune!

Now this is too much. They have the option of staying with their dad or going on the holiday. They want to stay home. I'm not saying OP should let them but to say they would resent her for letting them do what they want is ridiculous.

Speak to them and sit down and agree rules including no party and no mention of having a gaff on social media.
Tell their dad to check in with them.
Fit a ring doorbell or camera type thing you can drop in to check out the state of the house.

Explain this is a test in trust which you need them to pass- and then trust them. I have adult “kids” who both moved out age 18 and had been given trust to be left prior to this- maybe at a similar age actually- 17 and 14 for a weekend anyway. It’s a good thing to have responsibilities and respect. They step up to that.

I’m speaking from my own experience here as stated. Granted my mother left us kids from younger but, we definitely resent her now. Perhaps I as a little harsh on the op.

I haven’t read the entire thread but what happens when the small gathering one night becomes a big party, the police get called & ask where the parents are? The boys’ father can’t be found & your overseas… shudder. I just don’t think you’d genuinely be able to relax. The fact you’re posting this dilemma on here says it all