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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
Sgreenpy · 15/05/2025 08:44

Have you left them alone overnight before (or for a weekend?)
My issue would be leaving the 17 year old with responsibility of the 15 year old. They are not an adult.
We left our 16 year old alone a couple of times and when he was 17 we had a joint business trip to SE Asia, he spent 3 days alone after staying with his grandparents for the first week. We also have a dog so he went to the grandparents to get help looking after him!
I think you need to reach a compromise- maybe they can stay will their dad for half the time or stay at the house in the day but must sleep at their dads.

Happyearlyretirement · 15/05/2025 08:45

No way, I left my sensible daughter at 16 and said she could have a few friends round!!! Word got out and kids turned up from miles away, luckily we had vigilant neighbours who sent them away but it was a really scary experience for her.

Seeline · 15/05/2025 08:47

My M&D left my sister and I for 2 weeks at that age 40 years ago! We'd been on a youth camp the week previously came home to an empty house. We had to sort all our camping stuff out - it had rained continuously. We had to do all our own shopping (no online delivery in those days!). The cat was ill so ended up taking him to the vet with his basket on the back of a bike.
Yes we had a big party.
Yes my younger sister had her boyfriend stay over.
But we were ok because my elderly gran phoned Once to check 🤣

When my own kids reached the same ages, I couldn't believe what my mum had done - no way would I have left them for that length of time!!

ThePure · 15/05/2025 08:47

I’ve done this with my 17 and 15 year olds when we went to Italy for a long weekend for DH birthday. They looked after the dog too. All was completely fine. We had left them for U.K. overnights before that too. I don’t get the panic

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/05/2025 08:47

Didnt think you could leave under 16s home alone ? Prob is the 17 yo would have to babysit his younger sibling and probably wouldnt do so by the sound of it.

They would have to stay with their father and he'd have to make sure they were properly under his supervision and not just paying lipservice...

Mumofoneandone · 15/05/2025 08:50

Sorry, but you're the adult here - they have 2 options
1 come on holiday with you
2 stay with their dad (no house keys for your house)
Don't cancel the trip for their sake, especially if you really need that time away together.
My parents left my brother and I alone for a week whilst they were on holiday but I think we were 19/17 - also had neighbours keeping an eye and it was during term time, so I was still in school.

mambojambodothetango · 15/05/2025 08:50

My parents left me on my own for a week when I was 16. Is the issue that there are 2 of them and might cause trouble, or that you think they are both too young to be left?

FalseSpring · 15/05/2025 08:53

A definite no!

Once my DS was in his 20s I thought it would be fine. To be fair, the house was clean and tidy on my return - too tidy! It was only later that I discovered that there had been a big party and it was only because my kind neighbour had 'supervised' a major clean up by the boys he found passed out in the house and garden the next morning that it was all in order in time for my return!

ThePure · 15/05/2025 08:53

The 17 year old will be an adult next year. Can they really not be responsible for a week?? Mine is just turned 18 now and she absolutely can look after the dog, her brother and the house for that kind of time. She did not acquire that ability overnight when she turned 18. You have to teach them life skills and let them have done trust at some point surely??

CoralOP · 15/05/2025 08:53

HeySugarSugar · 15/05/2025 08:36

Absolutely. This is exactly what we did. They even put the bins out unasked because they were so desperate to be seen as responsible and independent.

Some of the replies on this thread about nearly adults are insane! No wonder HR managers despair of getting these kids to act like adults when they get jobs 🙄

Show quote history

I agree, its like when the clock ticks might night on their 18th birthday suddenly they are old enough to do all these things that 5 days earlier they couldn't possibly do.

I worked in HR and the young people who didnt have any responsibility were worlds apart from the ones that had been given room to grow.

It's good to see more balanced logical advice coming through aswell as the 'absolutely not how can you even think of that' crowd.

Travelban · 15/05/2025 08:53

Ps I am a very lax parent, so the HR comment doesn't apply here... my dd1 went to Africa for a month a 16 years old volunteering... DS1 at 17 went to China on his own for 2 weeks! Kids are very self sufficient. It's more around the responsibility of looking after the house, younger siblings etc on their own. They could definitely manage but I would be stressed and not relaxed, which for me is the point of a holiday!!

sandybeaches74 · 15/05/2025 08:54

17 isn’t too young, I’d moved out by that point. 15 is too young, it’s just not worth the risk of anything happening. You’ve already booked flights so you’re obviously going…. Just tell the 15 year old he must stay with his Dad and that’s the end of it.

SipandClean · 15/05/2025 08:56

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:52

Thanks all. Very helpful. My gut is telling me not to go although it's a shame as we have flights booked as they were supposed to come but we can reschedule.

That would be silly. Just insist they stay with their dad and take away their keys. Don’t cancel your holiday.

Escapingagain · 15/05/2025 08:59

At 17 maybe depending on how responsible they are. 15 year old definitely no. They need to stay at their Dads. I would let them use the house during the day if needed and trusted but not at night.

BHBlue · 15/05/2025 08:59

the first thing 95% of teens would do is invite everyone round for a party! Sorry Op it’s not what you want to hear

ThePure · 15/05/2025 09:00

My kids get on well and the 15 year old will take direction from his older sister. I probably wouldn’t leave him on his own for more than an evening yet but with her around too I have no issue with it. I don’t mind if she has her boyfriend or a couple of friends over either. We do have a Ring doorbell and a camera in the kitchen for the dog so I can see what’s going on if I want to.

1SillySossij · 15/05/2025 09:01

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 15/05/2025 01:10

Absolutely this. 17 isn’t that young. If your child at 17 can’t look after themselves independent ly at 17 then something has went wrong.

Show quote history

But one of them is under 16, can you not read?

Sporadica · 15/05/2025 09:03

A responsible 17yo, sure, I'd leave them, with the dad and maybe a NDN on alert in case help is needed. But not in charge of a 15yo. However, it sounds like you don't trust this particular 17yo - will stay at the house overnight even though he's been asked to stay with his dad, will probably throw a party although likely not a huge one? Unless you're being unfair in your assessment of him, that's still a child. You don't trust him - won't you be worrying quite a bit if you do leave him/them?

Also, I'd be much more inclined to let them stay home if it's for work or studying, not just to hang with friends which they can do at any time. It's worth considering whether these two might actually benefit from a break, different surroundings, some new experiences, a family holiday all together for what may be the last time and don't have the experience, perspective, or maturity to recognise this. If you've already booked them tickets (I may be misunderstanding that part) I'd definitely take them along.

(Edited as I meant a neighbour on alert, not a Nan!)

VictoriaEra2 · 15/05/2025 09:04

No.

BoudiccaRuled · 15/05/2025 09:05

I was left alone often while my parents went on holiday.
They'd leave a fridge full of food for me but I tended to just eat crisps. I was mostly responsible, got myself to school on time everyday etc, but did have a party once, unfortunately my parents returned a couple of days early before I'd cleared up so they were very upset about that, but nothing was trashed, it was just the mess and ashtrays they were cross about.
Depends if your kids are likely to go completely off the rails or just "relax" rather more than usual!

Mumwithbaggage · 15/05/2025 09:07

Took dd1 to NY for her 18th and left 16 and 15yo home alone. 8yo dd stayed with a friend up the road. We are pretty rural and all our neighbours are amazing. Nothing much went wrong but you know your own children.

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:08

Mischance · 15/05/2025 08:10

The thing about parties (and they WILL have one!) is that word goes out and gatecrashers appear. They are too young to police this and keep control.

You either take them away with you or don't go. Sorry ........

This is the heart of the issue. If word gets out, the temperament and character of op’s dc has nothing to do with it.

They might actually find it terrifying ( the girl I know did).

Sugargliderwombat · 15/05/2025 09:08

The wildest party I ever went to was when I was 15 and my friend had a 'gathering'. The house was absolutely packed full of people and completely trashed.

Clearinguptheclutter · 15/05/2025 09:09

17 yes
15 no
I think it’s a straight choice for the 15yo- stay with dad or go with you

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:09

BHBlue · 15/05/2025 08:59

the first thing 95% of teens would do is invite everyone round for a party! Sorry Op it’s not what you want to hear

Or their friends will invite people even if Dc are opposed.