Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

i don’t want you to miss out on your holiday OP!

I would tell them they HAVE to stay with their dad, take their house keys with you. They are not adults yet and don’t get to decide!

I would leave the 17 year old - I will leave my 17 year old this summer a couple of times as he doesn't want to come away with us. No qualms about that at all, but maybe not the 15 year old too. He's too young and the 17yo is too young to be responsible for him.

My parents left me at home for a few nights when I was 15, or maybe 16. A friend the same age came to stay with me and her parents lived 10 mins away so were there to help if needed. But we were sensible.

(this was 20 years ago).

But you can of course say they either go to dads or come away with you.

I think the answer is they stay at their dad's or come with you.

I'd trust DDs for a few days - they are 19 and 16. And grandparents would definitely look in on them, they are only around the corner, plus we have known our neighbours for 18 years. I wouldn't if I thought they were going to have a party, though. And the question has not yet arisen for us in real life anyway.

no

I would have had a massive party.....

Mine are the same ages as yours and aren’t particularly fond of going to their DFs. I think it’s hugely dependent on the individuals in question. For me it’s less about age and more about the likelihood of what is likely or not likely to happen.

We have had the rule in place for about 12 months now that 17 year old is ok to stay here alone but not the 15 year old. There is almost 3 years between them and his time will come. He still wanders back here when I am not here but knows he can’t stay here at night.

He’s also the far less responsible of the 2. I have this exact situation for 3 nights next week and the above applies.

It’s hard though as I totally understand the need for a break and spending time with DP and your youngest. My ex (their Dad) tells me I shouldn’t be going away unless I can guarantee that I can get the youngest to him. Which I can for the start when I go but I can’t watch over him or have any control over this once I’m gone. All I can do is lay down the boundaries. What I would say though is that my youngest is not very responsible. Likely to have a (small I would hope) party, leave windows unlocked and the place would be a complete tip when I got back. If he was more sensible / mature then I think I would feel more comfortable with it.

good luck with whatever you decide. I hope you have a great holiday.

I wouldn't leave a 17yo in charge of a 15yo. That is completely unfair.

Do either of them have exams this year? I think it's really unfair to leave your child right in the middle of their gcses or A levels with the amount of stress they comes with. They need a parent there with them emotionally as well as physically.

I might leave them for a night, though not if I thought they’d have a party. But not for 6. I’d insist they stayed with their dad. You wouldn’t not take DS3 on holiday just because his brothers don’t want to go. Tell them the choice is go on the holiday (if you can still offer that) or stay with their dad. (This assumes their dad won’t just wash his hands of them if they say their going back to your house after you’ve left).

Do NOT rearrange the holiday! Give them the option, they either come with you or they stay at their dads. If they choose dad you set down rules, only one friend allowed at your house, no staying over at your house, they must tidy up etc etc. if they break these rules you’ll never trust them again.

You can't leave a 15 year old without an adult.

wow, not a lot shocks me but, this has. Leaving a 17 and 15 year old alone to fend for themselves so you can go off on holiday with your bf is crazy. From experience, they will resent you in later life if you do this.

Depends on the kids. I could have been trusted at that age but my sister absolutely not. She had house parties at any opportunity and they ended in damage to the house.

@FrodoBigginsI said 18 because until that age you are still legally responsible for their wellbeing as their parent.

my mum always left me to go on holidays..... I didn't have to fend for myself, It taught me life skills and I don't resent my mum for living her life! she bloody deserved the holidays.

What??? Utter rubbish. Plenty of teens get left on their own - they don’t have to be 18 🙄

My DC are exactly the same age and we’re about to go away - we have a Ring doorbell and strict rules about comms while we’re away and friends on standby.

OP it’s your decision ultimately 🤷‍♀️

My parents left me and my brother at similar ages for a week, we had a party at ours pretty much every night....
At 17 I spent the summer moving from house to house of friends parents who had gone away on holiday having week long parties in their home and then moving onto the next. I have very fond memories of that summer but also wise enough not to allow my own kids to do the same!!

They won’t resent you 😂. My kids are delighted and love the independence. MN gets more batshit by the day 😄.

It really depends on the teens. I would talk very seriously to them (or even better, get someone only a bit older than them to talk to them) about the risks of parties getting out of hand when word spreads.

But otherwise, with sensible teens, I would. Where I live it's fairly common for teenagers to move away at 16 to go to high school or vocational school away from home (especially those in rural areas and small towns who won't have a school in commuting distance) so the expectation is that by 16 they should be able to live independently so 15 should be able to handle a few days alone, especially with an older sibling.

No. I’d give them two options:

a). Come on holiday with you
b). Go and stay with their dad

They have a choice. Just not the “home alone, party time” one they are hoping for.

I would be confident leaving my two DDs who are 15 and 17. DH and I had three nights away recently and there were no issues. Came home to a lovely clean house and washing done.

We have a ring doorbell and cameras outside so definitely no parties. They are not that type anyway. Both happy to watch netflix, order a takeaway and go the gym.

My friend on the other hand has three sons, 15, 17 and 18. 17 year old has left school and is doing an apprenticeship. 18 year old is in his last year of school. She is unable to leave them even overnight. She is in a new relationship and frequently brings her sons even though they want to stay at home. She shares a large home with her mother and step dad and they refuse to " watch" the boys. I think it's crazy.

So if the eldest turned 18 in the middle of the holiday, they would have to say at their dads for the first half but could be left alone for the last half?

Whats age got to do with it?

Why don't they want to go to their dads? If it's just not as comfortable as being at home, I would make them go. I wouldn't be cancelling a holiday just because they don't fancy it. Obviously if he's horrible/abusive then that changes things.

I was left alone once at 15 or 16 and threw a big party. My DM should have known from the type of teen I was that I'd do it. We didn't wreck the house...much. She still acts as if she was the wronged party but looking back I think it was totally on her. I was a party girl and she didn't want to take me with her, very obvious what was going to happen.

Totally depends on the teen. I would have left one of mine at 15 and she’d have been fine. Got up and gone to school, maybe had a friend round to watch a film/bake.

The other, absolutely not. She wouldn’t have gone to school and would have parties every night.

No way