Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

If they've been raised by some of the posters on here, no they are not ready to be left alone even for 1 hour by the sound of it, but then they won't be any more mature or ready when they're 35.

If they have been raised by normal parents, 16 should be more than old enough to manage alone. It depends what "extended period of time" you mean.

Unless there are unspecified disabilities or SEN none of that is remotely normal for a 17-year-old!

Most will be legal adults in a matter of months, lots of them drive cars and study and work- it would be extremely concerning if they couldn’t act rationally because they were so scared and worried being away from parents. How are the ones going to uni in a few months going to possibly cope??

Massive parenting failures if your seventeen-year-old can’t live independently for a week.

Do you always insult people you don't agree with? I have been asking people what they think, and they are appalled at the laxity with which people bring up their children - or don't, as some people have said.

Children have a basic human right not to be put at risk. I could refer you to the Duty of Care Act 2017 which gives various authorities and organisations the right to intervene if they think there is a need.

As someone said, why not? They should feel secure on their own in this age of door bell cameras and CCTV they can instantly see who is visiting and not open the door. I am not sure that CCTV and electronic door bells, mobile phones are supposed to take the place of mothers, but whatever rings your bell.

The OP asks if it is OK to leave 15 and 17 year olds alone for a week. I said no, so did others.

@llizzie

and you don't believe it's the role as a parent to teach your children to be independent and self-sufficient adults?

How do you manage to live alone?

You have been talking about extreme levels of anxiety that aren't normal for healthy teens and adults to experience so all I can assume is that you have issues yourself that cloud your judgement. That's not an insult, there's no shame in having difficulties but its important to look at things like the law factually and factually this is not against the law unless these teens have extra needs that would make them unsafe to be on their own.

I agree, @blacksantanapkin. I’d be concerned if an NT 17-year-old became very anxious in this situation. They’d be suffering from anxiety and need some support (GP visit, probably counseling). Most older teenagers don’t become so anxious when they’re alone in their own home.

Mine love being home alone. It’s also good for them to prove and show you that they can be responsible.

Absolutely not!

Their Dad is nearby? Checking on them.

You trust them?

Can't see why not.

Did you?
And were they OK?

Going against the grain, I’ve already left our 14 and 17 yr old boys alone for 3 nights. Not sure I would do 6 nights 🤷‍♀️ but maybe.

we are in France where children are expected to handle themselves and be responsible from a much younger age. It’s normal for 11-12 year olds to be left home alone at home all day. Kids walk home from school much younger. So none of my friends would bat an eyelid at leaving older teens home alone, it’s totally normal here.

they didn’t party. they each chose an evening where they invited their friends over to cook dinner. The house was still standing when we got back, though there were a lot of dishes 🙄.

Bloody hell no, not ever. I’m basing this on my own sensible BUT very social children. They would totally have a party and wreck the house. On top of that they’d just not do anything resembling keeping the house in any order. I just couldn’t relax!

I think it depends on the children's maturity levels. 17 is only a year shy off adulthood! My 2 would be 17 and 14 next year when I was contemplating doing the same as you. Just nervous incase they need an appropriate adult in an emergency and there wouldn't be one. So I've decided against it for another year for that reason. But I don't see a problem leaving them for 3-4 nights if there was an appropriate adult they could call in an emergency.

DS 17 will be staying home when we take his younger siblings on holiday next month. He’ll be working, and looking after our pets. He works full time in the week plus an evening/weekend job part time. He won’t have time for parties! Plus my parents are just down the road so they’ll keep an eye on him and help with the pets.
He’s really responsible though and I have no issues or worries about him staying here. And he doesn’t want to holiday with us, he’s already been away with friends this summer. We live abroad so when he’s not working he’s at the pools with his girlfriend and friends, or sleeping!

Absolutely not.

Same age as mine and they are sensible and responsible. Still no chance. Both are far too impulsive. Anything could happen

💯 no. Stay at dad's or come with