Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

More to the point, why would you want to know?

So you are happy to leave your teenagers alone for a week or more at a time because you think it will prepare them for adulthood?

So teens do not have to learn to be children first, just shove them straight from 15 to adulthood.

I am reminded of the posters on another thread who condoned under age sex.

I stick to my moral high ground.

are you really not getting it?

By the age of 17 and younger, your teens should be more than ready to be left alone for a week. It's not a boot camp.

Again, how old are your kids? You seem to have a lot of (idiotic) theories, but no idea of the real world.

So teens do not have to learn to be children first, just shove them straight from 15 to adulthood. what are you on about? 15 yo and their childhood?

You cannot possibly have teens at home.

I stick to my moral high ground.

you are using it wrong...😂

I slowly increase my children's responsibility and independence with the goal that by 16 they can live independently, as might very well be the case as I live in a small town and its not guaranteed that our high school will remain open - if it closes then they have no choice but to move away to go to school at 16 unless they choose vocational school instead (have one in town that is very unlikely to close as its very popular). I would be a very poor parent if I didn't prepare them for this, and if I prepare them right then they would very easily manage a week alone at 15. My oldest is 14 and I am sure she could manage a weekend happily already but I need to work on cooking confidence more before she could manage longer.

I also stick to my moral high ground - that my job as a parent is to raise my children so that when they reach adulthood they are fully prepared for adult life and can conduct their lives independently.

I'd advise them to call the police too, just like my friend did when we were teenagers, he threw a party and strangers tried to get in and smashed the window on his door. He called the police and sent the rest of us away.

I haven’t read the whole thread, just your posts, OP, but I think you just have to use your judgement based on your own children. When I was 16 or so, my mum would occasionally go away for a week and I would stay home. My gran was over the road but I wanted to stay in our house, so I did so. Definitely no parties, I just went to school, came home, watched TV, etc. That wasn’t really that unusual then but attitudes seem to have changed a lot in recent years to this kind of thing. But you know your own kids.

Could you compromise where they go to their dad’s for dinner every day or two so they’ve got a ‘check in’ with an adult? And frame it more as a ‘going between’ thing?

I only ever hear of teenagers not wanting to go on holiday with their parents on MN, I find it really sad! My teens would never turn down a holiday, I still occasionally holiday with my parents now!

Yeah how old are yours? Mine are 16 and 15 why is that relevant?

Sorry that was to @llizzie sure why the ages of my teenagers are relevant.

I would actually like to know if that poster even has kids, lets alone teenagers, but her comments are so out of touch with reality, I don't believe she does!

Yeah I agree. All this wittering on about them being children. My 16 year old son is 6ft 1 😂. And has be known to be more sensible than me….

I maintain that if you can’t leave a near adult alone overnight then you have failed as a parent.

Your way of motherhood and bringing up children is not mine. You may think you are right and the law is wrong. That is your prerogative.

I do not think a child of 15 should not have to cope on his own, and although his DB will be there, there are too many risks to them to leave them.

I continue to take the moral high ground.

Well hopefully, if they want to leave home, they will be able to care for themselves and you won't have to bother.

Preparing them for adulthood is one thing. Leaving them alone is something entirely different.

The age of majority is 18. Children under that age are considered minors, and the parents have responsibility for their health and safety.

If posters on here agree with you and happily leave their minor children on their own and go off on holiday, - as if they cannot wait to go away on their own until the children are 18 - then that is their prerogative. Do please read to the end of the following information?

In the UK there is no specific legal age at which a child can be left alone, but parents can be prosected if they leave a minor unsupervised in a way that could cause harm or neglect. This means it is illegal to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk, regardless of age.

I agree. I am astonished at the number of people who think it OK, which to my mind means hundreds of teens could be left on their own while their parents swan off on holiday. Dp any of them go abroad? I looked up the consequences of leaving minor children on their own.

In UK there is no specific legal age at which a minor child can be left alone, but parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised in a way that could cause harm or neglect. It means it is illegal to leave a child alone if it outs them at risk, regardless of age.

In the UK, there's no specific legal age at which a child can be left alone, but parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised in a way that could cause harm or neglect. This means it's illegal to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk, regardless of their age.

I can't help but wonder why so many mums on here think it OK.

llizzie

again.. how old are your own kids? Because you are not making any sense, and you are quoting sentences like a parrot without any link to the real world.

Your refusal to explain the difference between a 17yo and an 18 yo is also very amusing.

Have you been using AI again? That made you look rather silly on the other thread discussing a law. Maybe don’t do it again.

We left our 16 year old (my stepson). Swore he’d behave and he was pretty good kid so we did it. Well he had a party. £3000 plus damage to our house plus somebody smashed the windscreen of our neighbours car. It got on social media and all sorts turned up. Nightmare.
So no, I on balance wouldn’t, and wouldn’t want to put the responsibility on the older one to mind the younger one either.

What moral high ground? People are allowed to have a different opinion to you. It does not mean you are correct. You sound really thick.

Stop going on about minors and children.! These are teenagers who are practically adults. They are not small children. You sound absolutely crazy.

My mum left me and my sibling when we were 17 and 15.
We did not have a party or destroy anything. You have to know your kids. Sounds like your step son just wasn’t prepared for it or taught to be responsible.

Want may not come into it, they might have to leave home at 16. Education in my country is compulsory until 18 so if they need to go to high school elsewhere they will have to rent a flat and live independently somewhere else, like many 16 year olds do in my country. If I don't leave them alone before that age how will I, or they, know they are ready?
It's like with earlier independence, first you let them walk ahead of you, then you let them walk to the corner shop or postbox nearby alone, then to school alone, then to town and so on. With this you start leaving them home alone for half an hour, then a couple of hours, then half a day, a whole day, evening, weekend, week. You slowly increase independence so they aren't thrown in the deep end.

The law doesn't specify a minimum age, but it's an offence to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk.
Children under 16 should not be left alone overnight. A child's maturity and ability to handle emergencies should be considered when deciding if they can be left alone, even for short periods.

Parents can be prosecuted if they leave the minor child where there may be risks.

I am still sticking to the high moral ground when it comes to bringing up children.

I would expect to be able to leave a 17 year old alone at home for a few days but not to leave them in charge of their younger sibling. I think considering their dad lives just 10 mins away I would ask him to be responsible for them. So if the boys tell him they want to be in their normal home and he says that it is OK, then he has a responsibility to check up on them and make sure that there aren’t any problems.