Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

[peachie82]

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups.

at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything.

i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc.

I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

This. In spades. I will never understand why so many parents want to rush their children into grownup situations.

At 14 she is way too young to make that decision. She is a child.

You can know who her boyfriend is and invite him to the house without also inviting him on holiday. It's unnecessary.

It's also good to model a healthy relationship which includes time away from your boyfriend, spending time with family, seeing other friends etc.

It’s bizarre isn’t it?

Not taking a 14 year old boyfriend of 4 months on a short holiday is not preventing a relationship

Taking him on holiday is a lot more than the usual, routine stuff like welcoming him to your house. The hypothetical scenario she could be dating someone ‘unsuitable’ isn’t good reason to push the relationship in this way.

I find that 14 is a really interesting and fun age: sometimes they want to be cool and mature, sometimes they’d happily run about like a toddler when nobody is looking.

I say let her still be that little kid if she wants to; having a boyfriend who you want to impress there would change the dynamic for her drastically.

Also speaking as the mum of a 14 year old who had a boyfriend last summer - things can end very quickly! Taking him away with you confuses things, makes them seem more grown up and intense than they really need to be.

Worked in secondary education for 16 years. You don’t take chances with safeguarding. Teachers will absolutely report to the DSL within the school

I say yes. We took away my BF on a camping holiday at the same age, we had been together longer than 4 months but we all had a lovely time. Nothing sexual happened on holiday but we had already been having sex, If teenagers want to have sex It'l happen regardless whether you took him on holiday or not. X

Obviously she spends a lot of time with her friends too, without him. But they are all part of the same group so hang out in a big group setting too. She’s brought girlfriends away before but this time, she asked if he could come. I didn’t see a major issue having known them both but it seems I’m in the minority so will rethink.

Not sure why you asked OP? You don’t seem to be taking notice of anyone’s opinion except your own. You seem determined to push this caravan holiday together.

Oh don't be so daft! Can I ask, if if was a same sex relationship would you still be so keen to repot it?

I am not ‘rushing’ anything- more listening to my daughter and accepting she’s growing up allowing her to start making choices and decisions and supporting her where appropriate. She’s very mature and I do trust her,

I would compromise and allow a friend to come. Just like no sleepovers are allowed with boyfriends, it should be the same for holidays when they are only 14.

Oh for goodness sake, you are determined to push this ridiculous notion that the school have any say over who parents take on holiday - it's a ridiculous over reach from school if you would report this.

OP I wouldn't do this and I think I agree with others, it seems too grown up and encouraging unnecessary intensity. Having said that, it's only 3 days not like it's a week so I'm not vehemently opposed as some seem to be.

Absolutely not!

I don't see a major issue with it either. If you know him and like him and she has known him for a while its not like he is a stranger. I personally don't see the harm in him tagging along for a couple of nights in a caravan with you. He will have his own room so its not like you are 'encouraging' anything.

Both my DD's growing up (now adults) had friends and boyfriends come away with us for short breaks of a few nights away. Never did them any harm or encourage them to 'grow up too fast' etc etc.. It was just nice for them to have company.

I have taken it on board and on another reply I have said I will rethink and see if he’s able to come up for a day. I am just trying to explain my thought processes and how i don’t see the ‘intensity’ that everyone else seems fixated on, having know them both and how they are together.

At 14 she isn’t old enough to make these kinds of decisions, no matter how mature she thinks she is (or you think she is, for that matter).

She’s a child who just doesn’t want to be apart from
her boyfriend - which is totally normal but that doesn’t mean you should be encouraging her into situations that she’s far too young and immature to handle.

Of course not. How silly. They’re still children.

I don’t like your generalisation “ if it was up to him” regarding sex. Why only him? What about your daughter?

Becuase of conversations I have had with her

This wouldn’t worry me.

A caravan is hardly soundproof and conducive to teen sex.

At 14 my boyfriend came to the house my parents rented for our holiday, he slept on the sofa, we didn’t mess about.

My parents approach led me to think of boyfriends as people to be sociable with, introduce to the family, fir them to be welcoming and relaxed around.

In turn I didn’t view them as people to be looking for illicit sex with that had to be concealed… I mean the sexual potential wasn’t made into a ‘thing’,

When I was 16 I stayed in my best friend’s family caravan just with her and her brother who I was going out with. ‘Revising’. Honestly, what were my parents thinking? But we did not have sex… and occasionally did some revision.

You need to read my post properly you have completely misunderstood.
nowhere have I said the school have a say. I have said the teachers will report to the DSL within the school. That’s all! Whether the op is bothered by this or not is up to her.

I would do this in your situation. You know your daughter and her boyfriend - if you feel comfortable with it then go ahead. I have had kids' bf and gf where I would have done it, and some where I wouldn't.
The assumption on here that all 14yo are trying to jump into bed is crackers. They're really not.

I think you’re in danger of adultifying her, @peachie82. She is 14. She doesn’t get to make decisions like this - that’s your job as a parent. Trust? I think that’s actually a bit unfair on a young teen - how many adults end up doing stupid things? She’s just a child!

I think he shouldn’t come because I think a break from each other is a good thing (just as I think a break from your friends at this age is a good thing - it’s all so intense these days). Unfortunately these days with mobiles it’s not a proper break but I think it’s as good as you’re going to get and it’s no bad thing.