Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

[peachie82]

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups.

at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything.

i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc.

I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

All the more reason for them to have a few days apart from each other. Or for her to invite a friend to come along instead. They don't need to always be together, it's too intense for that age.

It's also different to just being at home, especially if they have a falling out and all they have is a tiny caravan with little space from each other. On holiday, there isn't much of an escape and there's the pressure of not wanting to spoil it for anyone else.

They have plenty of time for couple holidays when they are older and are in actual serious relationships.

Exactly! They’re kids - they’re too young to be in this kind of situation. What if they have an argument in the car or break up in the middle of the holiday?!

No. It would be different if they’d been together for a year and were at sixth form. She will feel pressured into having sex at a very young age as she’ll be treated like she’s part of a grown up couple rather than a very young teen.

What kind of situation? Having a few days away at the coast with a family? It’s really not an intense set up at all, they are just like mates really and in the year they have known each other they have not had a cross word. In fact the vibe is far less intense and drama tic than with her girl friends who are always full of drama and have regular fall outs within the friend group, such is teenage girls.

So this is where I was conflicted as yes, she’s not allowed sleepovers with him at home. We don’t have a spare room anyway and also he lives so close there is no need to, he leaves before it gets dark. But this would be different as obviously he would need to stay, but in his own room. But I get what you mean,l

Think of it like this. As adults when you start dating someone it is a big step in the relationship to go away with them for a few days. You are allowing a child to do this.

Okay - and what will you do if they break up and your daughter is in tears and doesn’t even want to look at him? What will you do if they fight or he turns out to be pushy or unpleasant?

They’re too young to handle the dynamics of being away on holiday together and navigate a relationship. They’re kids.

It’s healthier for her to have some time away from her boyfriend and friends, but if you’re happy for your daughter to feel pressured into having sex then there’s no point posting on Mumsnet.

You seem determined to push the relationship.

If it's only half an hour away by train, he could just come for one or two day visits, surely?

She'd have company in the day, and there's no drama.

No. Do you want to look back at photographs from your daughter's teen years and find them full of boyfriends whose names you can't even remember?

I'm sure they're lovely.

But I wouldn't bring my boyfriend of 4 months on holiday with my family at 41....

Just say not this time, maybe next year.

That's just normal, not a reason to not invite him.

Otherwise you'd never try and any photos.

But anyway the reason for him to not go is because they're 14.

No. She’s 14, a child, and children don’t go on holiday with boyfriends

He’s not just a random boy, she’s know him for a year. He couldn’t be less argumentative or pushy, they are extremely relaxed together and never even had a disagreement. He’s always at my house having tea etc, I’m sure we know him warm enough to know he’s not suddenly going to turn and be unpleasant. I wouldn’t even consider inviting him if I thought he was the type to bring drama or upset.

This is nonsense.
However, still a very big no from me. Get her to invite a friend along if she needs company.
We took ds1's gf on holiday with us last year but they are 18 and been together 2 years. That's about the earliest that I'd think it appropriate.

This. The ‘ children don’t go on holiday with boyfriends’ is enough to sum up why this would be wrong

I thought the rest was implicit.

But it can be disappointing to look back over old holiday pictures only to find that your child is always with someone else who you haven't seen for ten years and didn't even know well at the time.. Holidays are often special times, you don't want the pictures full of randoms.

I thought that the 'well, she's only 14' went without saying (as everyone else on this thread has already said it).

Yes I had considered this, if his parents would allow. Or I guess one of us could go and meet him and bring him on the train.

Yes I would. If its just for a couple of nights an hour away from home and he had his own room. It will be nice for her to have his company.

No not particularly, I just can’t see the harm as much as some people on here. She’s happy, he’s happy, she would be dating some absolute horror so I am at least relieved she’s chosen someone nice and that she’s part of a nice big friend group that all get along. I’d rather know who her boyfriend is and welcome him to my house and speak to his mum than have her sneaking about with someone who might be unsuitable

That’s not her decision to make it’s her daughter’s. 14/15 year olds are not babies they are able to decide for themselves what relationships they want to be in. Preventing relationships because of a lot of what ifs is ridiculous nobody would do anything if they lived on that basis

A little dramatic. Of all the holidays she’s been on in her life, this would be three days with him there. We have plenty of photos of family holidays! Also trying to get a photo of teenagers this age is a mission in itself!

So they’ve (rightly) never spent a night together and you think it’s a good idea to have them suddenly go from tea at each others’ houses to three nights together on holiday with you?

It’s so beyond inappropriate to me - they are kids. Invite him for a day in the middle if you want but 14yo girls should not be going on overnight holidays with their boyfriends. She is a kid.