Page 3 | Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

peachie82 · 2025-04-26T06:08:58+00:00

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups. at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything. i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc. I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:37

Teaandtoast12 · 26/04/2025 07:34

I am going against the grain! I don’t think it’s mad to ask his mum, I think ground rules need to be in place. I don’t think you have much to worry about at night you can’t sneeze ina caravan without the whole thing shaking so they wouldn’t get up to much I think the daytime would be my only concern if it’s empty during the day but hopefully setting clear boundaries would stop that. I think creating a trustful relationship is the best way. I didn’t have a boyfriend till I was 16 but my mum was very relaxed and in relation I was then really respectful and took things slow.

Thank you, this was how I was looking at it. I just saw it as her bringing along someone to hang out with as she’s an only child and we are probably boring to hang out with at her age. She’s brought friends before so I didn’t see it as hugely different given we will be there the whole time and they would only be along when popping into the little town or going for a walk, all of which they do at home anyway.

OP posts:

faerietales · 26/04/2025 07:37

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:25

No I really don’t think they will with me and her dad literally right next door. She’s pretty respectful

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I think you’re delusional. They may not try and have sex but they’ll absolutely sneak into each others beds.

Kilroyonly · 26/04/2025 07:37

It’s not a safeguarding issue; that’s ridiculous & another example of control that schools think they have over their pupil & parents. You don’t get half this interfering nonsense at private school..anyway the school won’t find out. If you were going away with another family who had a boy the same age nobody would think twice but heaven forbid they sleep under same roof. Dirty dirty teenagers. They obviously spend time alone when they’re at home as you cannot put your kids under 24 hour surveillance & nor should you. I think most women on here would be shocked at how many 14/15 year olds are having sex in reality . I think if you trust that your daughter is sensible & he is a nice kid then take him.

Worried8263839 · 26/04/2025 07:38

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:16

Absolutely not. For many reasons. One being that when her or his Teachers hear this happened( which they will) they will have to report it to the designated safeguarding officer at the school.

Really?!

Richiewoo · 26/04/2025 07:39

Absolutely not. Let him parents take him away.

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:39

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:34

How bizarre. Where does the line get drawn? Is he allowed in my house? What if I pop out for a pint of milk and they are briefly alone? What about when they are all out in a big group in the park or at the beach? And a teacher sees them? Is that wrong? It is it just the staying over part? So specifically sleeping under the same roof with separate rooms? Even though I am there? I am genuinely confused.

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I do understand your confusion. Being in the house for short periods etc would be considered the norm at that age. Taking him on holiday would be considered that your daughter is being treated beyond her age and capabilities. Safeguarding isn’t just about protecting them from having sex it would be that you are potentially putting them in a situation they aren’t emotionally mature enough to cope with. I know you mean well and in all honestly when reported it would not come to anything. BUT my point is simply that teachers would be duty bound to report it,

Meadowfinch · 26/04/2025 07:40

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:34

How bizarre. Where does the line get drawn? Is he allowed in my house? What if I pop out for a pint of milk and they are briefly alone? What about when they are all out in a big group in the park or at the beach? And a teacher sees them? Is that wrong? It is it just the staying over part? So specifically sleeping under the same roof with separate rooms? Even though I am there? I am genuinely confused.

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It's because once there, she has no choice but to be with him.

At home, she can walk away, retreat to her house, say her parents want her home by 6pm etc.

If you're all on holiday together, she may feel she can't do that, because it will spoil the holiday for everyone else. He will be there ALL THE TIME no matter what she wants. It's too much pressure. She is still a child even if she doesn't look like . She needs you to keep being a parent and protecting her, even if she doesn't know it.

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:41

Kilroyonly · 26/04/2025 07:37

It’s not a safeguarding issue; that’s ridiculous & another example of control that schools think they have over their pupil & parents. You don’t get half this interfering nonsense at private school..anyway the school won’t find out. If you were going away with another family who had a boy the same age nobody would think twice but heaven forbid they sleep under same roof. Dirty dirty teenagers. They obviously spend time alone when they’re at home as you cannot put your kids under 24 hour surveillance & nor should you. I think most women on here would be shocked at how many 14/15 year olds are having sex in reality . I think if you trust that your daughter is sensible & he is a nice kid then take him.

That’s a good point actually. Last summer she went to a caravan with her female friend from school and two boy mates from school were also there as the two mums are best friends and told their son and his friend and her daughter and her friend (my daughter.) so four 14 year olds of opposite sex. Plus a selection of younger brothers and sisters. None of them in a relationship with each other but a mixed group. Would teachers have taken issue with this had they known?

OP posts:

Travelban · 26/04/2025 07:41

Kilroyonly · 26/04/2025 07:37

It’s not a safeguarding issue; that’s ridiculous & another example of control that schools think they have over their pupil & parents. You don’t get half this interfering nonsense at private school..anyway the school won’t find out. If you were going away with another family who had a boy the same age nobody would think twice but heaven forbid they sleep under same roof. Dirty dirty teenagers. They obviously spend time alone when they’re at home as you cannot put your kids under 24 hour surveillance & nor should you. I think most women on here would be shocked at how many 14/15 year olds are having sex in reality . I think if you trust that your daughter is sensible & he is a nice kid then take him.

Well said and totally agree.

Endofyear · 26/04/2025 07:43

Going against the grain here too but I think it would be fine to bring him. If you're all sleeping in a caravan, I think it's highly unlikely that they'd be sneaking into each others rooms! You can hear and feel every movement in a caravan 😂 all this nonsense about 'playing house' and 'encouraging an intense relationship' is a bit over the top - they're just kids who enjoy each others company and hanging out. Your daughter will probably enjoy the holiday a lot more if she's got company. It's completely up to you of course but I don't think it's problematic at all.

beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 07:43

So wildly inappropriate and inviting unnecessary seriousness into their relationship.

offer a friend as compromise.

SoftandQuiet · 26/04/2025 07:43

Perfect answer, MeadowFinch.

TropicofCapricorn · 26/04/2025 07:43

Kilroyonly · 26/04/2025 07:37

It’s not a safeguarding issue; that’s ridiculous & another example of control that schools think they have over their pupil & parents. You don’t get half this interfering nonsense at private school..anyway the school won’t find out. If you were going away with another family who had a boy the same age nobody would think twice but heaven forbid they sleep under same roof. Dirty dirty teenagers. They obviously spend time alone when they’re at home as you cannot put your kids under 24 hour surveillance & nor should you. I think most women on here would be shocked at how many 14/15 year olds are having sex in reality . I think if you trust that your daughter is sensible & he is a nice kid then take him.

Another teenager going on holiday with his family and yours is different to inviting a boyfriend if 4 months to join you on holiday...

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:44

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:39

I do understand your confusion. Being in the house for short periods etc would be considered the norm at that age. Taking him on holiday would be considered that your daughter is being treated beyond her age and capabilities. Safeguarding isn’t just about protecting them from having sex it would be that you are potentially putting them in a situation they aren’t emotionally mature enough to cope with. I know you mean well and in all honestly when reported it would not come to anything. BUT my point is simply that teachers would be duty bound to report it,

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Thanks for explaining. It’s interesting to think of it like that, we have a rule at home where he’s not allowed at our house unless me or her dad are in, to safeguard her. They both respect this, when we are home, he’s welcome any time and often has his tea here and hangs out, either just with her or with other mutual friends.

OP posts:

Travelban · 26/04/2025 07:44

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:41

That’s a good point actually. Last summer she went to a caravan with her female friend from school and two boy mates from school were also there as the two mums are best friends and told their son and his friend and her daughter and her friend (my daughter.) so four 14 year olds of opposite sex. Plus a selection of younger brothers and sisters. None of them in a relationship with each other but a mixed group. Would teachers have taken issue with this had they known?

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Thwy can report away (anyone can report anything they want) but there will be no evidence of wrong doing and nothing to pursue the parents with. You would think social services would have more pressing concerns than a couple of teenagers on holiday with each other with their parents' consent and supervision.

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:45

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:41

That’s a good point actually. Last summer she went to a caravan with her female friend from school and two boy mates from school were also there as the two mums are best friends and told their son and his friend and her daughter and her friend (my daughter.) so four 14 year olds of opposite sex. Plus a selection of younger brothers and sisters. None of them in a relationship with each other but a mixed group. Would teachers have taken issue with this had they known?

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As I have said in my other post the safeguarding concern would come from the fact you are treating your child beyond their age.

You would all be amazed at how many safeguarding issues get reported in a school, they don’t all necessarily get reported back to parents either. But Kcsie 2024 is clear that the one little piece of info you report might form part of a bigger picture and so teachers are duty bound to report

Boohoo76 · 26/04/2025 07:46

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:18

Even for 3 nights as a teacher I would have to report this to the designated safeguarding officer. Don’t do it.

Is that correct? What would happen if a teacher knew his 12 year old daughter was sharing a bed with a boy of the opposite sex not related to her? Should he report it? His daughter is a pupil at the school he teaches at. In fact, he was her head of year at one point.

Gymmum82 · 26/04/2025 07:46

I got taken to Disney Florida for 2 weeks by my then boyfriends family back in the 90’s. I was 15. It wasn’t a big drama at the time and I had a great time. Obviously it wasn’t a serious relationship and didn’t last but we had an amazing holiday

Velvian · 26/04/2025 07:47

No.

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:48

Boohoo76 · 26/04/2025 07:46

Is that correct? What would happen if a teacher knew his 12 year old daughter was sharing a bed with a boy of the opposite sex not related to her? Should he report it? His daughter is a pupil at the school he teaches at. In fact, he was her head of year at one point.

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My first thought is he won’t report it as if he does it will implicate him as being negligent. But someone should

MiddleAgedDread · 26/04/2025 07:48

No, they’re 14 not 44, they might not even still be together by May half term!!

Original poster

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:48

Endofyear · 26/04/2025 07:43

Going against the grain here too but I think it would be fine to bring him. If you're all sleeping in a caravan, I think it's highly unlikely that they'd be sneaking into each others rooms! You can hear and feel every movement in a caravan 😂 all this nonsense about 'playing house' and 'encouraging an intense relationship' is a bit over the top - they're just kids who enjoy each others company and hanging out. Your daughter will probably enjoy the holiday a lot more if she's got company. It's completely up to you of course but I don't think it's problematic at all.

This is exactly how i had been looking at it. The playing house and intensity comments didn’t cross my mind. They just enjoy each others company and are very relaxed together as get on great. It was just three days of fresh air and little days out, hanging out in the arcades, swimming, all of which they would do at home, but with a chance of scenery.

OP posts:

Boohoo76 · 26/04/2025 07:50

40andlovelife · 26/04/2025 07:48

My first thought is he won’t report it as if he does it will implicate him as being negligent. But someone should

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This was happening when the daughter was at her mum’s house. He told the mum that it wasn’t acceptable but I think he should have taken it further and I told him to.

MidnightScroller · 26/04/2025 07:52

No way - what if they have an argument or he pressures her on day 1? They’re too young to manage this situation- they haven’t even been seeing each other that long! Not a chance sorry.

Kilroyonly · 26/04/2025 07:53

peachie82 · 26/04/2025 07:48

This is exactly how i had been looking at it. The playing house and intensity comments didn’t cross my mind. They just enjoy each others company and are very relaxed together as get on great. It was just three days of fresh air and little days out, hanging out in the arcades, swimming, all of which they would do at home, but with a chance of scenery.

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It didn’t cross your mind because it’s a massive over reaction to something so normal; I had a boyfriend at 15, we spent most of the summer hols at each other’s house's unsupervised as parents were working. I was allowed autonomy over my body & wasn’t policed by over bearing parents; I made the right decisions for me. They’ll have a great time I would def ask his Mum.