Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

[peachie82]

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups.

at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything.

i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc.

I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

Nope.

Tell her it’s not appropriate and she’s too young to essentially live with her boyfriend for 3 days. She’ll moan, argue, maybe get upset or angry but stick to your guns.

At that age, they shouldn’t even be spending the night together, let alone going on holiday together. (And yes, it is a holiday).

It’s totally inappropriate - she’s a kid.

Really?? Why would they do this? Surely if both parents are happy, then what’s the school got to do with it? They are almost 15, not babies and we would also be there the whole time! In fact there is less likely to be anything inappropriate than when kids are out together without parents, which is what most teenagers that age do all weekend,

Seriously. Taught in secondary for 16 years. Under KcKsie you have to report everything. Even if you don’t think it will amount to much.

They won’t be ‘spending the night together’ and we will also be there!

It’s not about them having sex, it’s about the fact that they’re 14yo kids who shouldn’t be off playing “house” like this.

You said they’ll be free to go off on their own.

Do you really think they’re not going to sneak into each others’ rooms? Share a bed? Honestly - it’s so inappropriate and it’s bonkers that you can’t see that.

No way! Have a nice break with quality time with your dd. She might even appreciate you saying no secretly and so be the bad guy.

yeah in the day. Do your teenagers get accompanied everywhere? Don’t they go out with their mates on a weekend without you? At almost 15?

No I really don’t think they will with me and her dad literally right next door. She’s pretty respectful

Nope.

😆 I think you’re being rather naive…. In any case, you asked and the answers are unanimous.

It’s subsidising and encouraging an ‘intense’ relationship at a young age. Unwise.

No.

Of course not.

Because it is a teachers duty of care to report absolutely anything that could be a potential safeguarding concern. KcKsie 2024 and the children act 2004 both make this very clear.

You being happy about the situation would make it more of a safeguarding concern in this situation I am afraid. For all of the reasons 99% of posters on here are saying. I taught for 16 years in secondary and I would have had to report all this straight away.
The law that teachers work within is clear on this issue.

I would definitely take him.

I don’t think I am being naive, I just can’t see a huge difference in what I was suggesting and teenagers being out with their mates all weekend anyway, except in this instance parents will be there and it’s nicer and more scenic and fun than having round parks and town all weekend. But I have taken all the comments on board so thank you

Definitely not. Unless you really want to be a grandma!

Another no from me. She's too young to begin with and after that she needs time to be a child. She can cope without him for 3 nights.

I am going against the grain! I don’t think it’s mad to ask his mum, I think ground rules need to be in place. I don’t think you have much to worry about at night you can’t sneeze ina caravan without the whole thing shaking so they wouldn’t get up to much I think the daytime would be my only concern if it’s empty during the day but hopefully setting clear boundaries would stop that. I think creating a trustful relationship is the best way. I didn’t have a boyfriend till I was 16 but my mum was very relaxed and in relation I was then really respectful and took things slow.

Absolutely not, 4 months is no time at all and she’s far too young. It will also totally change the dynamic for everyone else and it won’t be as much as a holiday for them.

How bizarre. Where does the line get drawn? Is he allowed in my house? What if I pop out for a pint of milk and they are briefly alone? What about when they are all out in a big group in the park or at the beach? And a teacher sees them? Is that wrong? It is it just the staying over part? So specifically sleeping under the same roof with separate rooms? Even though I am there? I am genuinely confused.

No way!