Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

[peachie82]

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups.

at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything.

i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc.

I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

No you wouldn’t😂

Yep. I would.

If its 30 mins on the train why doesnt he come over for the day?

With some of these comments you’d think OP is sending her daughter and boyfriend off to war and not 3 days at something that sounds like butlins😅

Then you’d be sent packing right back out of my office. There’s no safeguarding concern about two children going on holiday together.

When my son was 13, he went on a caravan holiday with his 14 year old girlfriend. All parents teachers and nobody even thought about it being anything other than friends. Her Mum said it stopped her being the 'princess'

I wouldn’t come to your office. I would record it on cpoms in the hopes it is nothing. You clearly do not work in a school

You hope!!

And when you report on cpoms it’s best practice to also tell your DSL which in my school would involve coming to my office :)

Not in my setting unless it something immediately high risk. This would not warrant double reporting. Again, clearly you do not not work in a school and definitely not a DSL. Any DSL worth their salt encourages staff to report any concern no matter how little it may seem at the time. Incase it forms part of a bigger picture, the missing jigsaw piece so to speak.

Now do one with your fake job!!!!!

And in my setting everything report is also told to the DSL (which is me). Of course report anything you think is a concern, that isn’t what I am saying. What I am saying is, there’s no concern in two teenagers going on holiday with one of their families.

I actually think it’s fine. My brother brought his gf (now wife) with us at 14. I think they’d been going out longer than 4 months. My other siblings would bring their gfs and mates along as well, it was always super fun. 6 of us, nothing bad ever happened. None of us got teen pregnant, our parents treated our “partners” at that age as more friends. Always had their own room, my dad made it clear there would be NO sneaking about and there never was (he is a bit scary looking so maybe that had something to do with it). Also, as a teen I was always pretty board at a caravan park. I’d moan a lot. When I had a little mate or my boyfriend with me, I always had more fun. Mumsnet are weird about boyfriends tho, and I don’t know if it’s a posh people thing or what, because I had my first “boyfriend” at 14 and most people I know did at 13-16. I’m not sure if that’s chavy or what, maybe I only associate with the underclass, but I’d love to know when everyone who comments “what’s a 14/15/16 year old doing with a boyfriend” had their first boyfriend.

At the end of the day, you know your own child. You know if you’ve educated her on relationships and how they should work. If you think she’s ready then I say go for it. The chances of this being your future son in law are very low, but at the end of the day not zero. Also it’s a good opportunity to observe how she is and how they act together. While he may not be the man she marries, many teen relationships last years. A lot last months, but at the end of the day it’s all practice. My kids are 5 and 3, so I am not dealing with it yet, but we’ve had my nieces bf with us for a few days before on camp outs. Cool guy, also fixed my computer, so he’s in my good books.

Well so now you’re saying a Teacher can report it but you might not see it as a safeguarding issue. That’s great and would be the outcome as the reporting Teacher that I would want.

You would be able to make this evaluation based on any other relevant info you are privy too. I would not as a teacher be privy to other things that might be going on so yes I would absolutely report it on cpoms, just incase.

You would send me packing out of your imaginary office though. You clearly take safeguarding very seriously.

Nooooo!

They are 14. It could all be over by May h/t. Invite a girlfriend - they’ll have a fab time. Let them be kids for as long as possible.

As a social worker, you absolutely would not need to flag it as a safeguarding issue unless you became aware that they were having a sexual relationship.

This is currently happening with my DD's friends (14) every time they go away anywhere her boyfriend goes with them and is also going on holiday abroad with them in the summer. It changes the whole dynamic of a family holiday.

Like others have said I think it is far too much, they have plenty of time to have relationships, they should be enjoyong themselves not worrying about a proper relationship at that age.

Oh for goodness sake. As a Teacher yes I would. Within the school. Not to social services. In exactly the same way I report it if I became aware a pupil was staying at their boyfriends or girlfriends overnight. I would not need to know they were having sex, that’s not my job.

@peachie82 I do not know why you have bothered asking, you're going to allow it anyway. Every reply you have commented on has been with a reason to go ahead with the bf accompanying you.
For me, you need to understand, you are the parent and not her friend.

Perhaps you need a refresher on safeguarding.

No! Youre encouraging an adult relationship

We actually did this nearly 20 years ago. My daughter was 15 and had a boyfriend and we invited him to come to the Edinburgh Fringe with us. She really appreciated having someone her own age to enjoy all the plays with, and to be honest it was easier for us because she had a smile on her face the whole time we were away (not always the case with teenagers on holiday!). We rented a flat and the boyfriend shared a room with our 11 year old son ( which worked well because they got on well and talked about comic stuff, computer games etc). It felt very much like we were acting parents of an extra child ... they were more excited about the plays and the comic-con conventions we were going to than anything else. He was a nice kid and we liked him.

She's all grown up now, and with a different partner altogether, but she still talks about that holiday with affection every now and again. It worked for us. (I would add, though, that we were chaperoning them all day and every day ... just because that's how The Edinburgh Fringe is: you tend to do stuff as a group when you have kids with you).

You did read the posting last week of the woman who admitted that she and her boyfriend planned a pregnancy at 15? They felt they were mature enough to make that decision.

Everyone is telling you it's a bad idea for a number of reasons. You sound quite defensive and seem confident in the restraint of two fourteen year olds.
I personally think it's madness to even consider this and hope the boy's mum has more sense.
The end decision is down to all the parents but I don't know why you're asking strangers when you quite clearly want to take him with you.

Hilarious that some posters think teachers wouldn't have time to teach because they are busy thinking up trivial things to report. Teachers don't get to decide what kind of things are supposed to be reported. They have guidelines they have to follow. And yes, safeguarding and all kinds of other things you might find trivial do indeed take up vast amounts of teachers' time, leaving them much less time to focus on planning teaching. This is one of the reasons why there is a massive recruitment and retention crisis.