Do I let my 14yo daughters boyfriend come on holiday with us?

[peachie82]

My daughter is 14 and has a boyfriend of 4 months although they have been friends longer . He’s a nice lad and they seem to get along very well. They spend a lot of time together either just the two of them or with their wider friends groups.

at May half term we usually go to a caravan park at the coast for a few nights. She’s asked if he can come this time. The caravan has three bedrooms so he would have his own room but it’s right next to what would be her room. I feel they are at the stage where things might happen, certainly if it was up to him. She does seem very comfortable with him and so far he seems to have been respectful and takes things at her pace, but I’m sure she doesn’t tell me everything.

i just want people’s options about if you think we should take him with us or if you think it’s a bad idea. She loves the idea of them having a little holiday together and they are old enough to go off for walks etc together as it’s a very small and safe place, beach, arcades, shops, places to get food etc.

I haven’t asked his mum yet, she might say no anyway.

God, the hysteria about 3 nights in a caravan! Safeguarding? What nonsense.
If teenagers want to have sex, they will, irrespective of what measures parents put in place to try to stop them. But they are highly unlikely to be doing it in a tin can with her parents on the other side of the wafer thin wall!
It’s hugely important to talk to young people about boundaries, respect, contraception and staying safe but that is all you can do. They can and will make their own choices and mistakes.
She sounds like a lovely, sensible girl and she’s asked if he can come. I’d let him.

I think she’s too young.

Thank you, that means a lot x

Are they joined at the hip?

Kind of agree about the hysteria - you arent taking them to Ibiza. Let him come if his parents are OK with it.

If she thinks she’s ready, and that it’s appropriate, to have a holiday with her boyfriend at 14, then that shows how immature she is, because she doesn’t realise that it’s not appropriate. The fact that you see her as mature for thinking this way is concerning. Things like letting a boyfriend stay overnight or holidaying with you at that age, even with separate rooms makes the relationship more serious. Holidaying together is something adults in a relationship do, not children. Don’t put her in a situation that she’s not equipped for because she is a child.

It not just about sex. Spending so much time together without a break is like playing house and makes the relationship seem more adult and intimate. Intimacy isn’t just sex.

Another one going against the run of the thread. OP - to me, it sounds like you know both kids well, and that this isn't about 'playing house' or making the relationship 'too intense'; rather, this just happens to be the friend she most enjoys spending time with at the moment. And yes, the friendship is different from others, because they are 'going out' - but honestly, for me, it's the super-horrified posters who are pushing a narrative that's too old for the actual people involved here, not the OP.

It's a few days in a caravan, with boundaries just like at home. I would certainly ask his mum.

As for teachers having to report it under KCSiE - yes, sure. But that doesn't mean that the OP would automatically be doing something wrong. It's better than there are 100 bits of data recorded that 'could be significant' but aren't actually indicative of a problem, than that one 'probably nothing to it' bit of data, which in fact is part of a pattern of a child in danger, is missed. That's how KCSiE works.

Not at all. As I have said she has many other friends, male and female, who she spends time with.

Thank you, your first paragraph summarises exactly how I feel about it all

”playing house” with your mum and dad in a caravan? Hardly.

Exactly - they are hardly going to be doing the dishes and putting a load of washing on.

You’re not willing to listen to the majority of posters so why post? You sound very immature. People are trying to advise you that this isn’t in your daughter’s best interests as it’ll make the relationship feel more adult, but ultimately she’s your child and it’s not going to impact anyone here if you end up with a bad situation on your hands. Good luck.

Yes, that’s how it’s coming across.

why put undue pressure on your DD. You’re meant to be the adult here.

I just read the first paragraph and it is a no from me.

I wouldn’t. If they fall out it’s going to ruin your holiday. Let her miss him for a couple of days.

What if she brings a female friend, and THEY fall out and ruin the holiday? Where is there more drama than between 14-year-old girls who are friends?

Oh tell me about it! Luckily she doesn’t tend to get directly involved in the drama but there’s always something going on in the group involving the girls. The boys seem so much more chilled.

No pressure at all! She asked and I said I would consider it. They get along well and are very comfortable in each others company. They were friends for a long while before. He’s not a random lad she’s just met.

you said he spends a lot of time with her. Why would you not want to take his opportunity to enjoy 3 days with your child without a boyfriend hanging around? These times as a family will be few and far between as she matures.
There is the legal implications of them having any sort of sexual relationship which you seem ignorant of. But his mother should be aware of the real risk to her son.
Please try to enjoy spending time with your daughter - it will not be a relaxing trip if you are wondering what they are up to on your watch. It will also be good for them to have a few days apart.

For me 14 is far too young
None of my DC were in relationships at that age ,they were occupied with school work, sports ,youth organisations and I would have not encouraged relationships
Plenty of time for all that

NO

I absolutely agree with you on this. The hysteria around this is off the charts. If you think it would be nice for him to come on holiday with the family and bond that little bit more, why not? Teenagers don't need to spend every minute of every single hour with their families on holiday and it would be nice for her to have the company of someone her own age.

No. Absolutely not. She is a child.

Not a chance. Too young. Too short a 'friendnship', too much responsibility. Just don't go there.
You're hoping for a holiday too.