Prom - he’s upset he’s going to miss it!

[RochfordRuby]

Help! We’ve booked a holiday for next Summer and just found out the yr 11 school prom is when we’re away. Son is so upset he’s going to miss it. Inconsolable. Can’t move the holiday as it’s all booked but don’t know what to say to try and appease him. Advice please

Prom is a huge deal to the majority of teens. I wouldn’t be going on the holiday.

Whiskey is quite right. The 2025 leavers missed their end of primary school so do not make him miss this too.

I'd call the company and move the dates. I didn't pay any extra when I did this so my daughter didn't miss her mock exams.
Well I had to pay the difference in what it would be if I booked that week and it was £150 but I didn't actually pay for the change in dates.

However, if you couldn't and he wanted to go to prom instead, I'd let him stay with family/friend and let him choose prom if that's what he wanted to do?

Can your DS and either you or DH get different flights so he can make the prom? Just go for a shorter holiday.

Just seen it's for a special occasion, if you moved the dates slightly, could you do it so that the big day was still abroad whilst your son still attends the prom? So fly out just after or go so you come back the day before prom? I'm sure people wouldn't mind as long as they're still there for the actual occasion?

Otherwise if you can, you could book son a flight so he can either go home earlier for prom or come later if there enough days follpwing prom?

I'd say it's poor planning by you, so you should take the hit for the cost of moving the holiday.

I suppose he could stay at home, but I wouldn't have liked that at 15/16. And don't you want to be there for his prom to see him all dressed up?

Honestly, it's a big deal. You can holiday anytime.

Simple. You go on holiday, he stays at home, goes to prom and then travels out the day after (or maybe two days later to give him time to recover). If you can't rebook his flight (assuming you are flying) then you'll have to suck up the cost of a new flight. If he's not travelled solo before it will add to the adventure and sense of growing up.

It sounds like the obvious solution is for your son to stay with friends. A 50th wedding anniversary isn't going to be a 16 year old's dream holiday, most likely.

Depending on other factors such as costs, dates, flights I'd consider letting him stay then flying out to meet everyone. This could be a great opportunity for him. Maybe friends' parents could support prom etc and getting him to the airport.

Very good point
DS missed all his Y6 leaving stuff and went to a school where he knew 1 other person in his year so he had to start again. He has a really nice group of mates now and they will be scattered in Y12 so its really important to them all to have prom together.

Three options I can see:

1. He has to come to terms with the fact that he can't go.
2. Stays behind and misses out on the holiday (which as it's a big group thing sounds like he'd be missing out on quite a bit too). Stay either with family or a close friend, or even both - splitting his time.
3. Travel back for a couple of days in the middle of the holiday. This option depends on where you're going of course, but if it is somewhere that Easyjet or Ryanair fly to he could easily do it without luggage.

3 seems the best idea to me if it's feasible with the distance. Drop him at the airport at your end, and have someone pick him up at the other end.

Just seen it is for a 50th wedding anniversary - I'm surprised he agreed to go in the first place! I can't think of anything more dull for a teenager.

We’ve organised our summer holidays and a very significant family bday party around the prom date (and gcse contingency day). DD missed the end of year 6 celebrations due to covid so there was no way we were going to mess this up for her. It’s a massive deal and your ds should be able to go (and travel later or come back earlier for it).

So, did you know it would clash with Prom before you booked the holiday.

If you didn't know your son would have a Prom around that time then it's totally on you for not being aware of the very significant events in your child's life.

If you did know and didn't discuss it with him beforehand then you are also at fault.

I don't think you'll be able to appease him.

Let him decide and if he wants to stay home, facilitate that.

@ElaborateCushion you missed option 4. Stays at home on his own, goes to prom, flies out later. He's 16, not 6.

Can he stay with a friend?

I too think he needs to be able to go. Lots of suggestions above as to how this could happen

Well presumably if you’d known when prom was you wouldn’t have booked it?

There isn’t any way you can appease him other than making it possible for him to attend the prom. Be that him staying home/with one of you/a friend or him coming on hol later/leaving early

mine would have been gutted to miss prom.

The holiday can absolutely moved although there will be cost implications.
If you are struggling for annual leave then you book a shorter break that doesn't clash with his prom.

There will always be opportunity for holidays, prom will only happen once in his life.

I still remember coming home on the last day of year 11, showering and going to bed for a nap at approx 2pm.

...and waking up at 10am the next day 😂😂 you're not wrong! It's a huge time.

It was approx 21 years ago too!

Prom however... Eh. Admittedly they were a newish thing back then but I never wanted to attend mine and haven't regretted it but as hes so set for going I think it wouldn't be fair to not let him go. Can he come out a d join you later? Or perhaps stay with a friend or relative until you return if he's not enotionally mature enough to be left home alone or you know you'll return to a wrecked home after a prom after party/lots of teenage drinking etc

That was my first thought too.

Then he can relax after his approximately twenty seven exams, see his friends and go to his prom.

Poor kid, please let him go OP. He can fly out to join you, or leave early… if you don’t want him to travel alone can you/DP/friend go with him? I think you’ll have to work around this one, they only have one prom and sounds like he really wants to go

Oh no. You cannot let him miss this!

look into having the holiday moved- you’ve said you can’t but have you consulted whoever it is booked with? If it’s really really not moveable then either don’t go or join late or early.

50 years married is commendable but surely if there are 11 others indulging the happy couple’s egos, they will understand if you allow your son to put his own social life before a boring holiday for grandma’s wedding anniversary.
Surely he can just miss a couple of days and fly out before/ after if they cannot possible enjoy themselves without having all 12 people there patting them on the back?